Duuuuuuude. He is so freaking scary. Gina, this is very, very good. I don't know how many times I've wondered how Peter got there, into Voldemort's hands, loyal to him and handing over those he once loved. I always imagine him weak and cowardly, but this version is different. He isn't weak, he is out to prove something, to get something he thinks he deserves, something he needs but will never gain. Excellent writing as always, on all counts. :) I like the relationship with Dorcas and the progression of things in his mind, especially when she cheats. Interesting that disloyalty is the one thing he can't tolerate in her, and his own is glaring. Peter's presence at her murder is unbelievably chilling. At this point, he is at the height of evil. She would have known what he was, died knowing he gave her over to be hunted down and murdered. Poor, poor Dorcas. She didn't deserve it. My favorite bit in this was in the first section, when Sirius calls him Wormy, and he mutters, "I hate that name." Whoa. The hatred is simmering underneath the surface and has been for some time, if the names they all use as evidence of their secrets and their bond of friendship has become something he despises. And why not? Wormy is not the same kind of name as the others. I thought this was a great choice on your part... just that little grumble over the name shows so much of how far gone Peter already is at this point. Great, great stuff here, Gina. But then, I always enjoy your writing, so no suprise on that front. Take care. ~Lori
I both love and hate this story... hate only because Peter is so awful in it. But the writing and characterisation are fantastic.
I love your use of second person here - it feels like Peter is justifying himself, saying 'what would you have done if you were in my position?' and I think that works really well. You handled it really well as well, I didn't find it jarring at any point - it just worked with the story so well.
I liked the line at the end of the third part: She is yours, yet suddenly you want more. This to me represents a lot of what Peter is like... he has friends, but he is not adored/respected like James, so he wants more... I'm not quite sure if that makes sense, but that's how I read it.
The last part was truly horrible... it made me think of Snape, who was perhaps as bad as Peter until someone he loved was in danger, at which point he redeemed himself. Peter does the opposite; by witnessing Dorcas' murder he, to me, destroys his soul.
I saw you mentioned in your author's responses something about the title/the seven parts. I'm not quite sure what it means, although I'm guessing it has something to do with Voldemort splitting his soul into 7, because even though Peter doesn't actually commit a murder in this story, it feels like he splits his soul. The seven parts also showed his degradation really well, because at the start he still has some redeeming features somehow.
Hi, Gina. :)
I think Peter is a fascinating character, and I think you portrayed him brilliantly throughout the piece. It was interesting to enter his mind, especially during this period of his life, when he’s stuck between the two drastically different groups. Generally, we never get to see Peter’s side, and I really loved that about the piece.
One of my favorite parts of this story was the style. It was a really interesting choice using second person, but I think it wouldn’t have been as poignant if it had been in any other way. It shows Peter’s coldness at heart while still making him human, and I don’t think it could have worked in first person because of the fact that it would have to be from Peter (who wouldn’t think he was horrible), and third wouldn’t allow the glimpse into his mind. I also loved how at the beginning it was ordinary actions, but the style and way you wrote it showed the darker meaning and ending even from there; Peter’s slight detachment and small things, and slowly they start piling up until the ending.
I think Peter is probably the most difficult Marauder to write, but I think you handled him brilliantly. There was so much depth to his character; we see lingering attachment for the people he cares, or cared, about, but also we can see the slow descent into losing his identification entirely with the Order and his ‘old’ life. In the best way to phrase this, Peter was horrible in this, in the type that makes my skin crawl with hate for him. The thing that stuck out the most to me was the double standard with Marlene, that he could fool around with other people (and not ever mention it), but when she cheated once he was angry to the point of ordering her death. It was slightly confusing at times, because there were points I could believe Peter genuinely felt something for Dorcas, but other times I was convinced of this entirely cold, brilliant, and just insidious character that you’ve built for Peter., one I can easily see fitting into canon seamlessly. One small note, though: two lines before part four you accidently pluralized a word that shouldn’t be.
Regarding Peter’s relationship with Dorcas, I found it odd in a fascinating way. Because of how unfeeling and empty this Peter is, even in the beginning, I wondered how you would make a relationship even possible for someone like that, but you did. While their relationship was mainly physical, I got the sense that part of him genuinely did care for her, at least for a while, but at the same time she was an aspect of control in his life, an esteem booster. It really showed Peter’s conflict, and because of that in the first part it reminded me a lot of the song ‘Little Lion Man’ by Mumford and Sons. As time went on, though, I could see the changes start happening within Peter, and knew that on his side his ability to feel even remotely connected to someone was fading, much less romantically. Dorcas cheating was the final straw it seemed, and I knew something horrible was going to happen.
On that note, I believe that your ending was both amazing and horrifying at the same time, one of my favorite combinations. As soon as I read the break up, I suddenly knew what would happen, and that honestly scared me. It shows exactly how broken Peter was, and that any remainder of even the person at the beginning of the piece was gone. I didn’t want to believe that he would actually consciously make the effort to have a girl that he knew, and perhaps had the potential to care really dearly for, killed. I did find it odd that he said ‘the Dark Lord’ was the one to kill her, as I thought it would be a tip off to the Order that he was traitorous.
Overall, though, I really enjoyed this piece. It was a brilliant and unique insight into an extremely difficult character, and if you ever write more of Peter I will definitely read it. :)
Author's Response: Ellliiiieeee! Thank you so much! Slowly but surely my sad little story is getting read, lol. Although I totally understand why people are scared, to be sure. Thank you so much for choosing it to SPEW. I don't even know how to respond. I'm glad you braved it and mostly enjoyed it, or at least found it well done since he really is a rat so there isn't much to enjoy. Let's see…the second person just popped out. I don't know if I could have written this particular Peter in any other way. And this particular Peter is unusual for me, because when I include him in Marauder stories I don't usually make him so awful. I usually think there must have been something decent in him for the others to like him and trust him. But writing this changed my mind. I really hated him writing this. Maybe second person was the best way to detach myself from it. As for his depth of character…well, in a way. I see him as pretty much all bad by this point. I think real depth would have been giving him some sense of remorse, and I didn't do that here, on purpose. He's already gone by this point. As for the confusion about his feelings for Dorcas…he was lonely, I'll give him that. So he liked her…but not enough to stay faithful, or regret her death. I'll check into that typo, lol. I'm glad you saw the ending coming - that means the story lead to it properly. Yes, it is a bit horrifying, isn't it? To think that not only did he do this to James and Lily, but to a woman he cared about and lived with? Ugh, what an awful human being he was. I had him say the Dark Lord because that's what the Death Eaters called him. Yes, it should have been a tip off, shouldn't it? He slipped. I don't tend to write a lot of people - sometimes I leave him out on purpose - but occasionally I will include him in Marauder stories, but again: he's different than this Peter, because I hate this Peter, and most of the time I think there had to be something better to him than this. Or maybe not. Writing this was not actually fun. I'm curious if you noticed anything about the title and the seven sections. I'm really hoping someone does, otherwise I worked too hard for too little result, haha. But either way - thank you so much for the review!! Yayay!! ~Gina :)
eeeeep - scary scary creepy Peter. I was freaked out at the end and how insidious he is. Ughh, he was horrible as well. I understand him suddenly wanting to sleep with other girls and finding he could because I'm guessing he needed some confidence, but what an a*se! Mind you Dorcas wasn't much better. These things don't just happen girl!!!!!! Although Caradoc always sounds hot to me - ha ha ha - so maybe she couldn't help herself.
Good story, Gina, you made it plausible and your Marauders were very IC. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for braving this story, Carole! It was actually not very fun to write. A lot of times I'm okay with writing Peter, thinking there must have been more to him for them to be friends with him, or some reason for him to do what he did. That did not come out here. I really sort of hate him here and that was rather new for me. He was rotten. I still wonder how they could have been so blind, and how he was sorted into Gryffindor, though. Well, I have no plans to explore him after this, that's for sure. I'm glad you found it in character and plausible, even if it is icky. Stupid Pettigrew. Thanks again! I'm going to go respond some more! ~Gina :)
Nah. I still hate him. No matter hopw many of Peter's perspectives I try, I still hate him. This was very well written, by the way.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I was certain this would get none, given the subject, lol. I will admit there are times when I feel something akin to pity for Peter. Or times when I am convinced he could not have been so bad to do what he did--he was manipulated or frightened into it. Writing this story was not one of those times. >.< I hated his guts while I was writing this. I assure you I am not trying to change anyone's mind with it and gain him any sympathy! Although I wrote it quickly, it was hard to write because I really did not enjoy being in his head. At all. It reminded me what a traitorous rat he really was. So thank you for the well-written comment, because it was hard to pull off! And thank you for leaving a review, I really appreciate it! ~Gina :)