This is Vicki from your House of Slytherin. I was intrigued to read the first poem you posted on this website, to see how it was. And I was not disappointed.
This poem engenders sympathy in the mind of the reader for Mrs. Granger. Apparently she is not 100% happy in Australia, despite Hermione’s best intentions, because she still has a faint memory of her previous life. There was something very important; she can’t remember what it was, but she knows it was there. Perhaps the bond between a mother and her child is the strongest there is, so that even memory charm that obliterates every other memory cannot entirely eradicate that one. I wonder, did Mr. Granger also have the nagging feeling that there was something important that he should remember?
Comments on structure: there is some repetition of ideas, “But what it was, I cannot recall” and “What it is, I am not sure,” that provide a sort of chanting refrain.
The two longer lines, “A part of my life is missing,” and “They say that what you lose comes back some day,” provide variety, visual and verbal, among all the short lines. It is good to break up the construction that way, to avoid the possibility of monotony.
There is a forward flow in the poem. The first verse shows that Mrs. Granger’s mind is very vague, “Something is missing.” In the second verse she gets a little more specific; the missing thing is “a part of my life.”
By the third verse her mindset has changed; it is more positive and emphatic. “I want…” and “I will…” and the conviction “It will come back, I know it will.”
I would say that you were quite successful as a first-time poetic contributor to this site. I always enjoy reading things about moments or events that we know happened in the Potter world but which were never explored because they are outside of the mainstream of the story. We know that Mr. and Mrs. Granger went to Australia, and we know they came back again, but what happened to them while they were there? Good job. I liked it.
Author's Response: Hey Vicki, Seeing as this was the first poem i ever wrote, it holds a rather dear place in my heart. So I'm very glad you liked it. I've always thought that even though any memory of Hermione was erased from Mrs. Granger's mind, she couldn't never truly forget her daughter. Hmm, I never thought about Mr. Granger. I do think he would have felt somewhat the same, but perhaps less strongly? After all, a mother and daughter do have a special bond. Yes, missing moments from the books are always interesting to read about. They are by far, one of my favorite topics to write about. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. -Georgia
Hi Georgia! This is nice for a first poem. It flows well, and the ending--"I will keep watching, I will keep waiting. It will come back, I know it will" is a little bittersweet. The poem is very...what's the word...stark, which makes it seem more urgent. Just one crit--I do think it could use a little more description; a few more adverbs/adjectives would add to the feeling.
Looking forward to more poetry of yours!
Oh yeah, by the way, sorry for giving you a heart attack with that poetry duel thing...You did a good job there too :) Actually I guess I'm not sorry...
I think you have a very good start for your first poem. :) I like the simplicity of it that allows the emotion to really shine.
I only wish that last stanza was a little longer and more complete. Perhaps with a message to tie it all in. Perhaps like, "Til then I'll keep waiting,/Endlessly waiting for what I seek."
Other than that, very nice. I look forward to more poetry from you.
Author's Response: Thanks Nagini. I did add a few lines now. I agree, it did need a little more at the end. -Georgia