Reviews For Stay Beautiful
Reviewer: dmbw7052
Date: 04/19/14 11:50
Chapter: Stay Beautiful

Hi there!

I just finished reading your story, and I must say, it was very sad to think of Hermione so sick. Sickness and death are always hard subjects, but I think you handled them incredibly well.

Despite her illness, Hermione seems still like herself. She worries about others, and she longs for her books. At no time is she feeling sorry for herself, only for the fact that she will never see her grandchild grow up. It's very touching.

I did notice one grammatical error if you would call it that. In the following sentence, you just by mistake have an extra "the"

" The the different arms wrapped around her must feel very different from her mothers."

Just a small thing that I thought I'd point out.

I really liked the style of the story. How there is very few lines of dialogue and mostly just Hermione's reflections. It's a very effective way to show melancholy.

You did a great job on this story and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

-Georgia

Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 03/11/14 14:45
Chapter: Stay Beautiful

Hi, Emma. This is a beautiful piece, nicely written. All of us readers are remiss in not mentioning what a lovely story this is.

You have written a completely believable train of thought. It sounds just like Hermione, literate and precise, but not flowery or overwrought.

I like your descriptions, the little details about Hermione’s surroundings in the hospital and her physical state. The concepts are developed fully, each thought well-expanded without being repetitious. For a contemplative piece, the pace is good; the story does not drag. It has its own gentle plot, a limited plot, to be sure, for a brief story illuminating a brief moment in Hermione’s life.

You are right in saying that it’s not really dark/angsty. You have written a Hermione who has achieved peace and acceptance of the end of her life. She is not upset about going, or railing against death. She wishes she could read a little more; even though the Healers say “no hope”, she won’t fully believe it until she has read the books herself. So like her. She doesn’t worry about her family; she feels confident that Rose married a good man and will be able to care for Jasmine well.

She lets go of the idea of needing to speak some memorable “famous last words”. It’s a good way to convey that she realizes that some things will be left undone, and that it is okay not to be perfect.

In your story, Ron is a vague, pale face in a faraway corner of the room. Hugo is in her thoughts, but he doesn’t seem to be physically present. I was surprised that she interacts only with Rose and Jasmine, but not with Ron. Even though she was so sick and weak, maybe Ron and Hugo didn’t realize that she would die exactly at that moment and did not realize that it was their last chance to speak with her.

A smile was her last act of her life. I liked that. A fitting and un-angsty way for a life to end, as they all must.

Some readers might wonder about her illness, what it is, how long she has been sick, and so on, but those facts are totally unimportant and would have detracted from the focus of the story. We accept the situation as it is.

It makes me happy to see how your writing skill gets steadily better as the months and years go by. This little story is a gem. Good job.

Vicki

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES