MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
04/19/14 11:50 · For:
I just finished reading your story, and I must say, it was very sad to think of Hermione so sick. Sickness and death are always hard subjects, but I think you handled them incredibly well.
Despite her illness, Hermione seems still like herself. She worries about others, and she longs for her books. At no time is she feeling sorry for herself, only for the fact that she will never see her grandchild grow up. It's very touching.
I did notice one grammatical error if you would call it that. In the following sentence, you just by mistake have an extra "the"
" The the different arms wrapped around her must feel very different from her mothers."
Just a small thing that I thought I'd point out.
I really liked the style of the story. How there is very few lines of dialogue and mostly just Hermione's reflections. It's a very effective way to show melancholy.
You did a great job on this story and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
(Signed) · Date:
03/11/14 14:45 · For:
Hi, Emma. This is a beautiful piece, nicely written. All of us readers are remiss in not mentioning what a lovely story this is.
You have written a completely believable train of thought. It sounds just like Hermione, literate and precise, but not flowery or overwrought.
I like your descriptions, the little details about Hermione’s surroundings in the hospital and her physical state. The concepts are developed fully, each thought well-expanded without being repetitious. For a contemplative piece, the pace is good; the story does not drag. It has its own gentle plot, a limited plot, to be sure, for a brief story illuminating a brief moment in Hermione’s life.
You are right in saying that it’s not really dark/angsty. You have written a Hermione who has achieved peace and acceptance of the end of her life. She is not upset about going, or railing against death. She wishes she could read a little more; even though the Healers say “no hope”, she won’t fully believe it until she has read the books herself. So like her. She doesn’t worry about her family; she feels confident that Rose married a good man and will be able to care for Jasmine well.
She lets go of the idea of needing to speak some memorable “famous last words”. It’s a good way to convey that she realizes that some things will be left undone, and that it is okay not to be perfect.
In your story, Ron is a vague, pale face in a faraway corner of the room. Hugo is in her thoughts, but he doesn’t seem to be physically present. I was surprised that she interacts only with Rose and Jasmine, but not with Ron. Even though she was so sick and weak, maybe Ron and Hugo didn’t realize that she would die exactly at that moment and did not realize that it was their last chance to speak with her.
A smile was her last act of her life. I liked that. A fitting and un-angsty way for a life to end, as they all must.
Some readers might wonder about her illness, what it is, how long she has been sick, and so on, but those facts are totally unimportant and would have detracted from the focus of the story. We accept the situation as it is.
It makes me happy to see how your writing skill gets steadily better as the months and years go by. This little story is a gem. Good job.