MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Name: Equinox Chick
(Signed) · Date:
05/14/13 15:43 · For:
Unusual subject here, I really enjoyed reading this poem which appeared to be from the perspective of the watcher as this happened, rather than each participant. So it made me think very much of Harry because he's an observer of the attack rather than the actual attacker (despite being inside Nagini at the time). I love the phrase 'sweet tainted air' which is a great foreshadowing of what is about to happen to poor Arthur.
I'd like to know why you chose the words 'diamond tail'. It's an unusual image, and I wasn't sure if you were referring to shape, shine and clarity, or hardness.
I would question the repetition of the word 'slithering' because you used in in the second and the last verse. Whilst it's a great word for a snake, I don;t think the repetition works here, although I'm scratching my head to think of something else that fits.
Author's Response: Thank you, Carole! I didn't even notice that I used "slithering" twice. Whoops!
As for the "diamond tail," I used that description because I always thought that JKR described Nagini that way- with a diamond patterned tail. The syllables didn't fit, so I shortened it to diamond. Since diamonds are rather sharp, it can give that kind of image of a slashing tail. And also, it could be shaped that way, and be rather pretty... Although Nagini was described as having an ugly triangular head. Anyways, thank you again for your review. I'm glad you liked the poem. :)