Hey, Georgia and Nagini! I’m glad to have read your story, it was very nice that you two wrote this together.
The beginning of it did open fairly quickly, but this could be changed by possibly adding a sort of opening sentence before what you have as a starter now. It’s not absolutely necessary to change this, though - just something I noticed. The writing was fairly easy to read and quick, but just slightly choppy. It was hardly noticeable, though, so there’s not too much to worry about. The ending was cute and sweet, leaving you with a nice feeling.
There weren’t many grammatical mistakes at all, but there were a few things I’d like to point out. I like the cute baby words but they seem to be a bit exaggerated in spots - babies can sometimes use the right words. Another thing I was a bit confused about was you using the word 'babysitting' - Ron is Hugo’s father, so this term doesn't really seem correct. You should probably say something about or explain why Ron has never been in charge of his second child by himself before now. Your slight humor throughout the story was something that I really enjoyed, it added something new to the story.
I really enjoyed the whole idea of Ron reading his baby a story, and straying towards the magical kind that Hermione didn't normally read him. Something I'd really like to know how old Hugo is - this would clear up a lot of questions I had about him and make things more clear. If you simply mentioned it in a point in the story, it would be better. I really liked the idea of the sticker - I never would have thought of that but it is very plausible.
Hugo did seem to be the typically written baby with the voice - I think this could be cleared up by him either not talking as much or talking a bit more, depending on where you are going with his age, as I’ve asked about before. The repetition was cute but got old after a while - maybe, if he's a bit older, he could ask questions about the story. I also enjoyed Ron and Hermione's squabbles, they were very realistic and added a nice touch to the story.
Thanks for giving me this pleasant read, both of you!
I want Hugo.
Author's Response: Thank you! Georgia and I had a fun time writing him. I used my sister as an example for me to follow, because she pretty much does everything Hugo does in this book. :) ~Nagini
The ONLY thing I'd change is the reference to the "Sorcerer's Stone" -- as my grandad would say, "There ain't no such animal!"
I have not and will not forgive Scholastic Books for insisting on that change to the name of the stone! I'm thoroughly American, born of English, Scot, Irish, Choctaw, and German descent, but even I grew up knowing about the Philosopher's Stone, thanks to "The Wild, Wild West" TV series.
Author's Response: Thanks! I debated about that for a while, but eventually left the Americanism. I will see about changing that. :) ~Nagini
Wow, wasn't expecting something so fluffy, especially from Kaylee! Lol, it is really nice fluff, too. Of course, I particularly enjoyed the touch of Ron/Hermione..."Ready to learn how to impress the ladies? I’ll tell you a secret- they like it if you know how to read." :D
I just wish I could find out what the heck happened to the Muggle and the king, and what this has to do with cackling stumps. Curses on my stupid Muggle upbringing...(and my failure to get my hands on a copy of J.K. Rowling's Tales of Beetle the Bard--really need to do that!).
Author's Response: Teehee! :) I can write fluff, Jenny. I just prefer darker stuff. :) Anyways, thank you for the review! I am rather pleased you liked that part where Ron told Hugo women like men who read- I laughed out loud at it, too. It gives such a nice contrast to how their friendship started back in the first book. And if you really want to know what happened to the Muggle, you can just look it up on Harry Potter wiki. Perhaps it will inspire you to write your own story... ~Nagini