Hah! And I was going to write this review for no rewards at all, but now that I see that you’re really handing out cookies…
Hi, Abi. This is Vicki of Slytherin House, and I’m not just cadging for cookies when I say that your poem has a sparkle, a spirit that gives it life. It has a lively pace, with plenty of active verbs. And it tells a lot of story within twenty compact lines. There are no wasted words here, no unnecessary redundancy (hence the lively pace).
We see Ted Tonks’ essential nature in these lines:
“You tell them to run; you tell them not to wait.”
“You will not give them the satisfaction of a win, so you turn to face them with a defiant grin.”
“You try to buy your friends some precious time.”
All those lines reveal Ted’s character. He is brave, gallant, down-to-earth. He recognizes when his time is up, he makes his last moments count for something, and he hopes his wife will survive to see the dawn of the peace that he has been fighting for.
Your poem has a very storytelling nature: a few details to set the scene, a rapid series of events, tension and danger, a climax and inevitable bittersweet ending. There is a strict rhyme scheme, but not a strict meter; that adds to the narrative feel of the piece.
And I liked the tie between verses two and five, where Ted mentions “those to whom your blood is a sin” and then again “your supposed crime”. Referencing the first phrase with the latter phrase helps keep the poem from having a rambling feel.
All in all, I enjoyed this poem; this tiny moment in the Harry Potter history is a good choice for a poem. Perhaps there will be another poetry class this summer and you will be able to work on your poetry some more.
(Will accept cookies now.)
Author's Response: Oh wow, I've only just seen this! Thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm very glad you enjoyed it as poetry is not something I'm used to writing. You are very much welcome to some cookies now =)
Hello, Abi. ;) I am so happy to see other people branching out into poetry, and I really liked your poem. I loved the type of narrative it was in, and especially found the rhyme scheme to be very effective. Great job! Perhaps I will see more from you...
~Nagini, fellow poet
Author's Response: Hi, Nagini =) Thank you for the lovely review! Hopefully there may be some more in the future.. As promised, here are you cookies ;) ~Abi~