On this day we shall rise.
Oh. My. Gosh. That was amazing! I literally shivered reading this little piece and I can't think of anything bad to say. This is what's so great about fanfiction. No matter what the style or kind of fic we are all united by our love for writing and Harry Potter! Keep up the work and I'll try to do the same.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
On this day we shall rise.
I know I don't spend much time on the forums these days, but I couldn't resist one of your poems...
The style of the poem works well for it--the language sounds like a hymn, what with its old-fashioned-ness (words like "morn" and the varied ordering of words in sentences) and in how there seems to be sort of pride in its purity/holiness, if that makes any sense. The meter pattern initially did not quite ring right for me, but then I noticed that these were alternate lyrics to a Christmas song, so I tried reading them along with the song and the meter seemed to fit much better. I believe that there is at least one grammar error; "frail bonds ... ties" uses a singular verb conjugation for a plural noun. Also, in "Forget we not their faces all/Or the song...," should "Or" be replaced with "Nor," since you have the word "not" in there? I'm not quite sure about this one...and the poem is otherwise flawless as far as I can tell.
You use a lot of nice figurative language here--I especially like your comparison of "hollow hearts" to stars. Oh, and just the entire second stanza because it sounds nice and so terribly sad...well, all of it, really! But my favorite part of this poem was the metaphor "born on earth to save us/with the lives they gave us"--where you compare them to Christ. It's so perfect, because it ties in the song for the fallen with the Christmas thing, and is also just an amazing way to describe the battle. We always think of Harry as the religious-allegory figure, because he's the one who actually walks to his death to save everyone, but your poem extends this idea to everyone who sacrificed their life in that fight, which is really a beautiful thought.
So, lovely poem :) and I hope you have a merry Christmas!
Author's Response: Oh it's so good to see you, Jenny! Thanks for pointing out those errors :) I will fix them now. I was listening to this carol while preparing the Carol Challenge and I found myself thinking about the parallel between Christ's sacrifice and those who died in the Battle of Hogwarts. The first Christmas is always the hardest after the death of a loved one and so I wanted to write something for the Wizarding World for that first Christmas while incorporating the imagery in the original carol. I'm glad you thought it was effective! You're right, Harry is usually seen as the religious-allegory figure, but I like the thought of extending that to everyone who gave their lives. Thank you so much for this lovely review, Jenny. It brought a smile to my day :) A Merry Christmas to you too! Julia x