Penname: Schmerg_The_Impaler [Contact]
Real name: Call me Schmergo
Member Since: 02/19/06
Website: schmergo.tumblr.com
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Member
Bio:
Basically, I'm a crazy 18-year-old girl named Schmergo who loves Ron Weasley, musicals. church, Monty Python, (British humour, gotta love it!) Discworld, Artemis Fowl, spoofs, Disney, Les Miserables, the Scarlet Pimpernel, taking over the world, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, and, most of all, writing cheesy and insane stories! That was a run-on sentence.

Favourite characters: Ron (and the Weasleys in general), Neville, Remus, Lucius Malfoy, Luna, Theodore Nott, and.... VOLDYPOO! Almost all of my stories will either include Voldy or one of his servants.

My name: Okay, it's weird and random. I typed in the first thing I could think of. I assure you that the only thing I impale is cheese cubes on toothpicks! I should change my name to Schmerg_The _Impala... quite a different connotation, as impalas are adorable deer-like things. Yurp.

The Dark Lord's Blog: A really ludicrous humour fic that people seem to like. This will eventually have a plot! Ooh, spooky... And yes, the exploding pop-tart thing DOES work. Don't sue me if you try it and die in the process.

My Other Fics: I'm too boring to describe 'em. There are summaries at the bottom of this page. *Gestures in a very Vanna White-ish manner*. But... I'd recommend "Long-Distance Extendable Ears," because I think it's my best. "Love A Duck" is a pretty funny chaptered Marauders mystery/adventure... don't be deterred if you haven't read "The Scarlet Pimpernel," the story it's loosely based on. The Potter's Pentagon trilogy is the one I probably worked the hardest on... I think you'll like at least one of the main characters. *Puppy dog eyes* Also, I wrote a ton of musical spoofs. They're fun! Read them!

As closing, I would like to say, LLAMA LLAMA DUCK! Thank you.

You're welcome.

A WONDERFUL SONG ABOUT TYRONE THOMAS

Sing to the tune of "Gaston" from Beauty and the Beast
SCHMERGO:
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Tyrone
Looking so gloomy and blue.
Everyone here�d love to be you, Tyrone
Or at least make out with you!
Just look at the huge crowd of chicks about you�
You�re everyone�s favourite guy!
Everyone wants to read fics about you�
And it�s not very hard to see why!

ALL:
No one flies like Tyrone
Has nice eyes like Tyrone

EMMA:
When my hit list�s fulfilled, no one dies but Tyrone!

SCHMERGO:
For you awe and inspire us all daily
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask Ivy, Giorgi, or Haley�
You�re the hottest OC from �Potter�s Pentagon!�

ALL:
No one�s fit like Tyrone
Takes a hit like Tyrone

EMMA:
No one else is a bloody great git like Tyrone!

TYRONE:
Yes, it�s true my physique�s been called captivating�

ALL:
My, what a guy that Tyrone!
And we mean every word we sang
Tyrone is the best�

EMMA:
Well, except for Wolfgang!

ALL:
No one�s been like Tyrone
A king pin like Tyrone

EMMA:
No one else bullies poor Wolfie Quinn like Tyrone.

SCHMERGO:
For there�s no one as toned or as chiseled!
No one else has such fabulous hair!
Why, our homie T-Dawg�s off the hizzle�

TYRONE:
Be back in a tick, have to wrestle a bear.

ALL:
No one�s strong like Tyrone
Gets a song like Tyrone

EMMA:
No one else here is wearing a thong but Tyrone!

TYRONE:
Well, I�m back, that bear wasn�t participating!

ALL:
Probably scared of Tyrone!

TYRONE:
When I was a lad, I�d lift two hundred pounds
And I sweated and whimpered and bled.
And now that I�m grown, I lift five hundred pounds
So my biceps are big as my head!

ALL:
No one flirts like Tyrone!

EMMA:
Looks up skirts like Tyrone�
No one else is the king of perverts like Tyrone!

TYRONE:
Emma Weasley�s incredibly irritating!

ALL:
MY WHAT A GUY� TYRONE!
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