Thank you to Fresca for the beautiful author banner.
Hi, my name is Hannah, I'm 19 and live in the UK. I'm in my first year of university and spend more time on MNFF then I probably should. My fairly light university schedule has only made it easier to continue spending more time on here, even if I do occasionally get weighed down by essays.
I first discovered fanfiction between the publication of HBP and DH though it wasn't until after DH that I tried writing anything. I have started more fanfics than I can count but very few materialise into anything as I will often lose sight of my plot or realise halfway through that I don't like what I am writing. I am proud of the few stories I have written, however, and hope that if you take the time to read them, you will too.
I tend to be very open about what I will read and write so I don't generally have category or character preferences though if I had to pick Teddy Lupin is probably my favourite person to write about. My preferred pairing is Ron/Hermione, though you will notice a bit of Dramione on my author page. As a mod, I look after the categories of Ron/Hermione, Remus/Tonks and Post-Hogwarts so these tend to be where I enjoy spending most time.
I am quite active on the Beta Boards and am a proud Slytherin, as well as a moderator.
I have tried all sorts of new things on the forums, from writing drabbles on things I wouldn't usually to taking part in beta and bannermaking classes, as well as other more writing specific challenges. My favourite challenge on the Boards as always been the QWC and I have been in several teams, including one which we won (the story we wrote can be found posted below). If you are a member of the archives who hasn't yet found their way over to the forums yet, I really would urge you to try it out as there is so much to do over there and so many new things to get involved in.
While most of my stories work as standalone one shots, I have been planning and writing a series of Teddy Lupin one-shots. They do not fit together as such, but are all set in the same 'world' and some may make references to others. Therefore they are best to read chronologically (by the age Teddy is when they are set, rather than the order they were posted as I was inspired by different things at different times). I only have three up at the moment, but have more planned. The current best order to read them in is:
-->The Balancing Act
-->Loved and Lost
-->A Proper Goodbye
I love reading about Molly and Arthur’s relationship but find there are so few good fics out there about them. Luckily, so far this is definitely appears to be one of them!
This was a great first chapter and set up what I think is going to be a very interesting story. I like that you’ve started off before they fell in love, when Molly wasn’t really bothered about him, and Arthur was just having to pine in secret, though the seeds of thought have been placed in Molly’s head by Maeve’s casual and somewhat jokey comment about Arthur loving her. I’m looking forward to finding out how he eventually wins her over or why she comes to be attracted to him.
As we only ever see them as adults in the books, your characterisation of the pair as Hogwarts students is really interesting, and the first thing that struck me is that you’ve managed to effectively work in aspects of each of their children’s characters without being too obvious about it. Molly’s similarities to Percy – her responsibility as a prefect and strong belief in sticking to the rules, if maybe not quite with the same rigidness as her son - were a really good example of this. Percy always seems like the ‘odd one out’ child in the Weasley family, and I’m glad that you showed his personality had to have come from somewhere rather than just appearing out of nowhere. Equally, a sense of the twin’s mischief can be found in Arthur’s character as the two talk about prefecting. I think there are also elements of the other children to be found in there as well, though at the same time, Molly and Arthur both remain individuals and I feel like you really thought about their characterisation and making them original as well as maybe slipping in a few hints to their future children.
One other point about the characterisation is that even though you have understandably shown the differences between their teenage and adult selves, there are still parts of their characters that are seen when they are grown ups that you have shown to be already present. Arthur’s love of all things Muggle is definitely a part of him that I can see as having been present since he was a very young child and so I’m glad you chose to use it here. I did laugh at his moment of clumsiness, which I thought was very well written, but also made me cringe with embarrassment for poor Arthur!
I felt so bad for Arthur at the end, and indeed all the way through, especially when Maeve was being so mean about him, with this sentence: She never noticed – and Arthur was beginning to believe she never would and even though I know what is going to happen between the couple eventually, it didn’t stop me feeling a pang of sympathy for him and his unrequited crush, as well as a hope that Molly would notice him, rather than just seeing him as Muggle-loving Weasley and finding the idea of love funny.
This was generally written very well and though there were some places where the dialogue punctuation slipped, it was nothing that took away from the flow of the story. I’m now going to dash off to read the next chapter!
This was such an emotional one-shot and a very touching portrayal of the strong love between Harry and Ginny. I do not usually find song lyrics in stories to be effective, but they were so appropriate here and worked in so smoothly that I really felt they added to the story, particularly the first three lines which have been inserted.
I thought the use of nature to reflect Ginny’s feelings in this chapter were excellent. This line, A soft curtain of rain whispered over her face while the moonlight was shinning high above, reflecting on the small drops of sadness. was particularly good as it presented a powerful image of Ginny’s sadness as being like raindrops, falling on her until eventually they drown her.
The hints of religious imagery, such as the image of Ginny on her knees in prayer and the idea that Harry had purified her heart as well as image of a star as a celestial body, were very strong and I found they adding to the story in a moving way without feeling forced or overdone.
One of the strongest paragraphs of the chapter was, in my opinion, this one: But what was right? Was it to leave a father without son, a mother without daughter? Was it to make the children grow without parents, without brothers? Every time someone defended what was right that person risked everything and sacrificed the love of the family for the life of light. Was it worth the price? Was the reward sweet enough to overcome the bitterness of the sacrifice? Probably not, but the sacrifice was needed, and that was why men like Harry cast light in the darkest of the hearts. I felt this showed a complete understanding of the war and the reasoning behind those that fought, as well as casting a question over whether it was right for someone to die for the good of the cause and leave their family behind. It is one of the most eloquent descriptions of the pain behind the war that I think I have ever read and as such, I felt I should point it out.
The characterisation of Harry in this piece was spot on, in my opinion. It fits his character that he would be determined to keep going until the end but that he would use the image of Ginny to strengthen him and to guide him through what he has to do. This image: As the words wrapped around him like armor was particularly strong as it fitted perfectly with the idea that Harry would use his love of Ginny and the memory of her to help he do what it is he needs to.
The characterisation of Ginny is not quite so strong, to me. I think that in canon she is presented as somewhat stronger than in this story, though of course, it is hard to know how the war would truly have affected her and it could be that her reliance on Harry’s love grew as a result of the war. However, her burning desire for him to return safely is in character for her as to have Harry return to her would mean everything for her. My other issue with Ginny, nitpicky as this may seem, is the description of her hair as auburn. In canon, as a Weasley, Ginny is never described has having anything other than fiery, red hair and I think this is an important part in reflecting the strength and determination of her character. Auburn strikes me as a little too tame a description for her hair.
I have one or two other technical nitpicks in this story. In this sentence: It was the war what had taken all this away from her, ‘what’ should be that or possibly which. Another thing I noticed was that here, She was supplicating for Harry, I found that the word supplicating stuck out and interrupted the flow as it was a more complex word than the majority of the language used throughout the story and therefore did not completely fit together with the rest.
There are so many good things to say about this story and overall, I found it to be a very touching piece.
this was such a good fic and something I have never seen done before. I like the way Harry called Molly `mum` and the parallels drawn between the two mothers' sacrifice
It's not fair! I don't want it to end :(
Author's Response: Aww I'm sorry! Thank you for all of your wonderful help, though. You're truly lovely. The story wouldn't be even close to where if is now if it weren't for you!
You seem to have a real talent for taking minor canon characters that we know only a little about and developing them into real people that a reader starts to care about just as much as the more prominent canon characters. Molly and Arthur are an interesting pair to write about because it is hard to pin down their characters outside of the small snapshots of Weasley family life that we have seen in canon. It is not a couple I think I have seen used very often, especially during their younger years. However, your characterisation of the couple, both separately and together, is spot on and I really enjoyed reading this.
There are quite a few great moments which I picked up as I read this. I thought Arthur’s thoughts and feelings were perfect and I could feel the character we read about in the books coming through in this story. This line, Not too many men are wearing hats. None of them has one as splendid as mine—could it be envy? in particular made me smile. It is most likely that Arthur’s hat, which it would have been nice to see some sort of description of, was simply making him stand out or look ridiculous to the Muggles, but of course he is firm in his belief that he understands Muggles and his choice of headwear could not possibly be inappropriate.
I found the use of the possessive pronouns such as ’his Molly’, to work really well in this fic and you used the technique excellently to show the strength of his feelings towards Molly. Here, unlike as is so often the case, this possessiveness is not a negative thing but simply a way of Arthur expressing quite how deeply he feels for Molly and how desperate he is not to lose her. It reads as a sign of insecurity and that, when combined with his fear of Lucius Malfoy taking Molly away from him, really adds to your portrayal of his character.
The Lucius twist was an interesting one and certainly added greater depth to the idea of Arthur hating him so intensely during their later years. And even though there may never have been any truth in it from Molly’s point of view, for Arthur it was a constant worry and I liked how you used it to present that side of his character. This part And there was that—creature—who wanted to steal her from him. is an excellent way to sum up his feelings towards Lucius, both through his belief that he is out to ‘steal’ Molly from him and the use of the word ‘creature’ to describe him, which shows the intensity of his feelings.
I also found Molly’s characterisation, particularly at the end, to be very good. It is so typical of her to be the one taking control of the relationship and to have already found him a job and themselves a house, especially when, as he points out, he hasn’t even asked her to marry him yet! This line, She smiled widely at him. “It’s “Someday,” dear, and I told you “Certainly” a long time ago.” was very sweet as it shows that even with all his doubts and fears, she had never intended to marry anyone but him.
I do have one slight characterisation quibble and it is with this sentence: Molly, who I’ve loved since I was eleven and saw her in her school robes on the Hogwarts Express. I always find it very difficult to accept the ‘loving someone since you were eleven’ part of romances. It is something that I often see used in Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny fics. I believe it is certainly possible to have a crush on someone at the age of eleven, though more common for girls than boys to already be thinking of such things. However I don’t think a love as strong as Arthur is shown to have for Molly could already be present at so young an age.
There were several references to the couples’ families in this story and I was unsure about one or two bits. I could understand Arthur’s family’s desire to help him get sorted and their willingness to help. I also like the fact that his family were embarrassed by his Muggle-loving ways, questioning: How did a pureblood wizard get his interest in Muggles? as often the Weasleys are presented as an entire family of Muggle-lovers and your interpretation of this was different and refreshing. However I was a little unsure as to whether this corresponded with the fact that his father was injured in the war, though I suppose it was possible to support the war without completely supporting the Muggles. There was also this line: Well, those people are all gone now and good riddance to them, in which Arthur’s mother seemed to present a hatred of Arthur’s father’s family which was a little inconsistent with the fact that Arthur’s family rallied around him and wanted to help him find a job. However, this was just my interpretation of it, and I did think that it could be possible that it was the other side of his family who were helping with him – I just found it momentarily confusing!
Plot-wise, despite the fact that this seemed to be primarily based on exploring their relationship, you also built up a good story around the, painting of interesting picture of the financial state of the Wizarding world during war. I liked the story of Arthur having to find a job and was intrigued by the idea of the goblins carrying out fraudster activities in order to get Muggles’ card details. I’d love to see that developed at some point!
Technically, I have a couple of nitpicks. There is a sentence here: you were lucky if they were even filling positions left vacant by the unexplained disappearances and outright murders Everyone was worried about--you couldn’t say his name. which seems to be either missing a full stop or has an incorrect capital letter. And here: 18 months later the eighteen should be written out in full. An extra > seems to have slipped in to this part: She wouldn’t want you thinking of her as yours to steal >, though it is yet another great characterisation moment.
There are also a couple of lines, here: “I pay him no mind, Arthur, none at all.” She had said and here: “I didn’t know wizard money was invested in Muggle concerns.” He’d said., where I felt that there ought to be a comma at the end of the dialogue and a lower case rather than upper case letter for ‘she’ and ‘he’. And the punctuation of this sentence: He had said “Maybe?" and she had said “Certainly, Arthur,” shyly seems a little bit awkward and I feel that it is missing a couple of commas.
Overall this was a really great one-shot and I look forward to reading some more of your writing!
Author's Response: OhMyGodric - not quite sure where to start, aside from a heartfelt Thank you, so I think I will say it. Thank you! A few of my other reviewers mentioned they haven't seen a lot of early Molly/Arthur fics. I think that might be because they are the universal parent symbols in the books, and I think most people don't think so much about what their parents were like as kids. I do think about mine at that age, so perhaps that is the appeal for me. I have a pretty strong idea of what these people would be like in real life. I will never forget the wonderful job the actor did as he portrayed Arthur telling Lucius that they had a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard. For a poor man with an insignificant government job to have the guts to say that to someone like Lucius Malfoy says it all for me. Arthur is all substance and very little show.As for Molly - she has managed a large family on a small income and ended up with a bunch of, relatively speaking, happy people. That tells me a great deal about her, as well. She is embarrassed when she has to tell Ron she had to buy him secondhand robes, but she had to, she did it, and she tells him so. Come to think of it, she had Harry's money with her and obviously was scrupulously honest about how she used it - that tells us something, too. I sort of left everyone to imagine what kind of atrocious headgear Arthur had picked out for himself in his blithe ignorance. I think that assurance is also typical of his age - by the time Harry comes along, Arthur is surrepticiously asking him for his opinion of his outfit and help with Muggle Money. Young men just out of school, of course, know everything. Thank you. I'm glad I got across that he is thinking of her as his more or less because he can't bear not to, not because he thinks he owns her. The Lucius idea I must give credit to Vindictus Viridian for. She 's got a Molly/Lucius fic and a few Molly/Lucius touches in her longer works. As far as loving someone since one is 11 - I agree that true love takes time to develop. However, I think that for those lucky few people who see and like each other at a very young age and then find that as they grow up they ARE suited to each other and do fall really in love it must seem like it was that way from the beginning. At any rate, in this fickle world I think they are entitled to speak of it that way, even if it technically can't quite be entirely true. The whole thing with the ring and Arthur's family is based on things that actually happened to people of earlier generations in my family. Let us assume that there were older relatives who didn't like Arthur's mom so much, or perhaps the idea of the two marrying so young, but those people are dead now, and their children and grandchildren may be behaving quite differently toward Arthur. Naturally his mom still resents those old fogies who would have prevented her own marriage, though. The Goblins are very carefully skirting the law here - they aren't actually sending the Muggles what they order, but they aren't charging the cards, either. Now this is what they are willing to tel him at the interview. I think he is quite right to wonder what worse things they may want of him after a while if he takes the job. I tried to make this part really true to my experience and that of a lot of people I knew right around the time we graduated. You are probably right about the punctuation. Usually I run to too many commas for modern standards, but I could easily have been short a few. I always wonder if it is just me or a different standard on two sides of the oceans for the full stops vs. commas in the dialog...my first ever story was turned back for dialog errors, though, so it could be me. I am very gratified that you liked this so much, and hope that anything else I've got up lives up to it! PPP
Hi, just read this entire story - was quite impressed when just as i though I was coming to the end of what was already posted another 2 chapters turned up for me to read! However now I can't believe what a cliffhanger you have left it on!!
I kept reading your a/n asking for reviews after each chapter so I promised myself I would review when I had read it all.
I love this story so far. Your characters and plot are so real - i liked the way that when Ron asked Hermione to stop the wedding she wouldn't do it - she didn't just fall into his arms and agree to everything which is what usually happens in these types of fics.
I also love the fact that even though Ron is with someone new she is actually a nice person. I have read so many fics where Ron breaks up with Hermione and suddenly starts dating a complete b*tch! I was worried things were going to go the same way when she called him Ronnie or whatever it was she used but it seemed you quickly scrapped that idea and then when she came to visit Ginny, we saw that actually she was a nice person.
I also love the Harry/Ginny sort of aside - it really adds to the story to be able to see little snapshots of their life and watch them with the new babies (though what has Ginny suddenly got against her own mother!)
Another thing is, obviously I don't know where you live but it seems almost every fic I read now is full of Americanisms and being British it drives me insane so it is wonderful to be reading this fic where there are none at all. (or if there are I haven't notice them.)
Anyway, I think this is wonderfully well written - it has been the first fic in a while I have really wanted to read to the end of so I hope you keep going (though I am not going to turn this into an OMG please update type review)
I hope you have enjoyed my waffle and I can't wait to see which road you go down from here - I like that you aren't rushing R + Hr getting back together - it makes it more real - but I still hope it happens eventually.
I will review again I'm sure.
Author's Response: Wow. That was so good to read.
I\'m going to start by saying that I\'m not British (I so wish I were, though; I consider the UK my home away from home), and my first language is Spanish. So to read that I have achieved my goal--to avoid Americanisms--from a British girl, is the best compliment I have gotten. Ever. (Americanisms in HP Fan Fiction annoy me too.)
I\'m incredibly happy that you have enjoyed reading and that you have answered my pleas for reviews (what can I say? I love them). I love writing, I really do, and with this story I really wanted to go against the cliches I\'ve found in other stories (i.e. Ron\'s nasty girlfriend).
I hope you keep your promise--I want to hear from you again. You rock. :)
Once again, you have truly mastered the art of writing a minor character and I am seriously impressed! In fact, I almost wished I hadn’t forced myself to stop at the end of the first chapter to review this one before moving on.
This was a really interesting story and the plot, unusually for an arranged marriage fic, was believable and interesting. As Remus said, “Mad-Eye…” - “Is honorable to a fault. and if he believed the only way to protect his Muggle neighbour, who he has obviously developed some sort of friendship (or other feelings?) with, was to marry her, then I believe he would do it in an instant.
You presented Moody’s character perfectly – when I read one of your stories I end up copying and pasting so many lines that I like to mention in a review that I inevitably cannot give them all. All his actions and dialogue fitted perfectly to the situation. This moment particularly stood out to me: My actual wand is not Veela hair!” He said this with some emphasis, as if it were quite important that she understand and believe this point. It was one of those parts that made me smile as it was so in keeping with his character. I certainly can’t imagine him having a Veela wand and I can see why he would be so eager for her to know that he didn’t have such a wand regularly, even though she wouldn’t have a clue what it meant at the time anyway. He would hate for anything to ruin his image as a toughened, old Auror!
Lizzie was also a good character and a nicely developed OC. I liked her initial reaction to discovering the existence of wizards: She spoke the first words which came into her mind, “where is your pointy hat?” It was very fitting for her to think of the silliest questions first and quite a natural-seeming reaction. However, I did feel she then seemed to adjust to the idea the wizarding world quite quickly and am not sure whether she would have been quite so accepting so quickly. Every other aspect of her characterisation was very good though, and the paragraph beginning The house was in chaos. was a particularly real moment and reminded me in some ways of my mother, constantly worrying about the house and what people think of it when they visit!
The interaction between Mad-Eye and Lizzie was effective as he showed a constant awareness of the fact that she was a Muggle and tried to explain everything to her carefully, showing his Auror experience. Here, for example, I have to move around among – non-magic folk too much. I liked the slight hesitation before the words non-magic, showing how he thinks of her before he speaks and wants her to understand exactly what he is trying to say.
Another excellent example of Moody making a Muggle/magical comparison was this one: No, it’s like – having perfect pitch. Magic is something some people have, and others don’t. It’s a really good choice of analogy as it’s true that perfect pitch is something that some people seem to have randomly (not me unfortunately!) almost like magic, which while it does pass through generations, can also pop up randomly in Muggles. It was also a great way of explaining it to Lizzie in a way she’d understand.
I did quite like the way that when the couple were conversing, you occasionally trailed the conversation off, as if they each almost instinctively knew what the other was trying to say, particularly when Moody was explaining about the wizarding world. However there were one or two moments when I felt that the characters understood what was going on more than I did and I got a little confused about what it was he had been about to say!
Another thing I loved about this was that even when characters are only given passing mentions they remain perfectly in character and well thought out. I thought Hermione’s inner Mrs Weasley coming out was great and really liked McGonagall coming in with her powerful magic to get all the final preparations sorted for them. And Remus blushing, followed by Hermione’s quip about him becoming a lobster were also very well done. The wedding planning section was one of my favourite in the story as it seemed to flow so well.
One of my biggest pet-peeves when reading, for some reason I’ve never been able to explain, is the use of more than one punctuation mark in a sentence, such as here: “Miss Stewart!!!” he was screaming when she opened the door. I always feel that just the one exclamation mark would make the point just as well and would offer that suggestion here. My other thought about this sentence is that it is hard to imagine Moody screaming. Shouting, yelling, etc maybe, but with his gruff voice I just couldn’t hear him screaming.
Another thing I noticed, is that you occasionally used capitals to place emphasis on certain words. I believe this is technically allowed but, as I am feeling particularly nit-picky, I wanted to just comment on it. I often find when words are capitalised they jump out at me immediately and interrupt the flow of the story when reading. Here, for example, “but not QUITE as scary as the way you reacted to me in the park.”, I felt that the word quite might work better in italics rather than capitalised as that way, the emphasis would still be on the right part of the sentence, but it would be quite so obvious on first glance. Also, here: I’ll apparate with it here, Apparate should be capitalised.
I thought the ending of this chapter was great – I believe there are probably a few people who would be completely shocked to think of Mad-Eye getting married and Mafalda fainting at the end was a nice, slightly humorous touch which made me smile. All the encounters at the Ministry were good and fitted the story. Overall, the build up of the plot throughout, combined with the ending, really made me want to read on to next part. Which is where I shall be heading soon, though it may take me another two weeks to write you another review!
I am currently incredibly jealous of your ability to well and truly master characterisation! Dumbledore is one of the hardest characters to truly get inside the mind of, but as I read this, I thought I was actually reading his thoughts. The use of third person combined with the italicised first person thoughts was particularly effective as it allowed the reader to see the scene both externally and from inside Dumbledore’s mind, giving a greater understanding of all his thoughts and feelings as he wrote. The tone and language were both perfectly in character, showing an obvious understanding of Dumbledore’s character and the way his mind works.
I like that you showed the more cool and calculating side of Dumbledore, and this line: I may have a certain control over my emotions, was a beautiful summing up of the way we have seen Dumbledore throughout the books – always controlling his emotions and never giving anything away. This short scene showed how early on he began to do everything possible to protect Harry, and I think this part of his thoughts: People who would spoil him. People who couldn’t protect him. is excellent as it shows that Dumbledore knew that he was having to make a choice between giving Harry a childhood where he is loved and happy, and giving him one where he is protected, and that the part of him that is so focused on his future plans ultimately makes the choice that Harry needs to be kept safe, even if this means sacrificing his happiness.
I loved the opening line of this one-shot and the way it so neatly tied into the title. I am a great fan of the ‘power of three’ rule and here I think you use it well to open the story and introduce Dumbledore’s great task. The repetitiveness of the word ‘usual’ is slightly ironic as it makes the letter seem ordinary, or mundane, while the reader knows there is certainly nothing ‘usual’ about the letter Dumbledore is about to write, as you later show through the way in which every element of the letter is chosen, from the paper, to the type of ink, to the method of transportation, with the utmost care and as if each small individual decision could be responsible for ruining any hope of protecting Harry. The return of the opening line, albeit slightly altered, near the end: “Muggle ink, good thick paper and the usual quill, then, Fawkes.”was great as it ‘book ended’ the story and showed the final result of Dumbledore’s thoughts and decision making throughout the chapter, compared to his opinion at the beginning.
You also effectively portrayed Dumbledore’s loneliness – another important aspect of his character – through his conversations with Fawkes and the Portraits, the only people he has to talk to about the decisions regarding Harry. His moments of dialogue with Fawkes were touching, and particularly the appearance of the quill at the end showed the extent of Fawkes’ intelligence and his intuitiveness to Dumbledore’s thoughts and feelings.
The story was also impeccably written, and I have to say that I loved the use of the word Muggleness – for some reason it really made me smile! Even though the plot was simple, it was interesting and I, like so many others have often wondered how or what Dumbledore wrote in his letter to Petunia, and you showed us a very believable version of the story behind the letter.
Wow, Jenna, this was such an emotionally powerful one-shot! I felt like I was gaining a real understanding of Lavender’s past, and the pain she experienced watching her mother being abused by her dad. This line, She let out a sigh and tried to focus her thoughts on how incredibly happy she was. right at the beginning, really set the tone for the story as it hinted towards the fact that in spite of it being her wedding day, there was something holding her back from being ‘incredibly happy’, and I like that, unusually, her nerves are not cause because of doubts about the man she is about to marry but because of pain cause to her by another important man in her life.
The structure, with the flashback abuse scenes inserted alternatively with the present day wedding scene, was very effective, as it showed the reader exactly what Lavender was going through and helped them to see where her nerves and pain came from. The characterisation was excellent and I think that Lavender’s anger after her initial upset is very in character and shows her strength and fierce determination to protect her mother from harm, and will go so far as to use her magic to ensure he can never hurt them again.
I think the setting of the wedding was absolutely perfect as it’s one of those occasions when the father has such an important traditional role. I can imagine that no matter the pain he caused to her and her mother, and even though she never wanted to see him again, Lavender would have moments of pining for the her dad on that day. However, I really liked that you made the distinction between wanting her dad to be there and just wanting a dad to be there. Having never had the traditional father-figure, it’s heartbreaking just how much she longs for one on her wedding day.
My initial thought was that it would have been good to have discovered the identity of Lavender’s future husband but on reflection, I realised that it really wasn’t important as this was a story about Lavender’s character and her overcoming her past pain. Yes, the fiancé played an important part in that but I don’t think we needed to know who he was to appreciate how much he helped her, so I think you definitely made the right decision. However, I am curious as to whether you wrote this with a specific character in mind for him (though I’m not asking you to tell me!) or whether you haven’t got a clue either?
The ending was wonderful and I thought it was great how not only her mother, but also her future parents-in-law came to her side when she was upset. It showed how much love and support she had from the people around her and was very touching. Obviously, only her mother could truly understand the reason for her pain, but her new family were just as prepared to be there for her, including her fiancé who was the right man for her in all the ways her father was not. This second to last little paragraph: Lavender had never been so happy in her life. She was ready to put the past behind her. She was ready to start a life. She was ready to have a little girl, and watch her grow up with a good man, a good father. Everything was going to be fine, now. After so long, she’d finally found him. really summed up the journey she’d come and showed that she was able to let go of the past and look forward positively to the future.
This was written impeccably, and I particularly liked the use of description here: The chapel was filled with the sounds of last-minute preparations; the small orchestra testing their strings, the flipping pages of the Vow Book as the Bonder went over the incantations and spellwork, the cough of the tailor as he fixed that groom’s pesky trouser leg that somehow ended up three inches shorter than intended. and think the attention to detail is great, as well as being another useful technique in the characterisation, showing us Lavender’s pre-wedding nerves through the fact that she can hear every small sound and movement. The first abuse scene is, in my opinion, the most effectively written and my heart ached for Lavender and her mother when reading it.
I loved this story and am so happy I came across it on your author page. I haven’t read many Lavender fics, but you certainly do her justice!
This is a great little missing moment. It's one of those moments you don't think about until you read a fic like this and then you realise that actually there should be a reason that the two ended up together.
I loved this part:
‘That’s what I used to think,’ said Hermione. ‘And then a great big owl delivered a letter to my house, saying I was a witch. And since then, things just can’t seem to leave me alone.’
I thought it was quite a funny line - the tone was just right and so appropriate.
I also liked the part:
That way, if the Basilisk is there, we’ll at least only be Petrified, not killed.’
‘That’s a comforting thought,’ Penelope said dryly.
I'm a sucker for a bit of sarcasm!
I agree with some of the reviews which say it was a bit rushed, I would have liked to have seen more of a build up of thoughts, her research and the interaction with Penny. They seemed to understand everything instantly but could have done with taking a bit more time to reach their conclusions.
Anyway, overall I thought it was a cute little fic and i'm off to find some more of your writing.
All is not well.
George uses work and Firewhisky to cope with Fred's death until a drink with a friend leads to something that dulls pain better than alcohol. Emotionally torn by grief, he struggles to allow Alicia into his life...and then comes baby....
*Winner of the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Dark/Angsty Story*
Hi, I've begun to work my way slowly through this fic and thought I would leave a review to let you know how much I'm enjoying it even though I haven't read very much yet.
I thought this chapter was really good - I loved the idea of having a `vampire fantasy` and the implication that it is something every third year has when they learn about vampires.
Overall this fic so far has been very interesting - I like the way you are dealing with George's grief - showing how truly hard it would be to get over losing his twin - many fics have him appearing to be almost the same as he always was. I like this darker approach and the fact that the story is focused on him rather than including him as a background character makes his grief so much more acute and I like that we truly get to see his pain.
It took me a while to get used to the `sexual situations` but I think that these bits are written well and though more intense than some I have read are not overly so.
Thank you so much for leaving a review! :)
I think every female third year would have them, at least, LOL. Boys might imagine themselves as Van Helsings, hee.
Thank you for liking the way George is portrayed! It wouldn't do Fred justice if George got a girl and love magically made everything "better"! He has to work though his pain and confront all the different issues that arise so at the end of the story you'll know he'll be happy, although he'll always have sad moments and never stop missing his twin.
There's a definite physical aspect of the relationship, but I only want to show the intensity, not the details, LOL.
A great one-shot, I loved this little snippet from the Malfoy challenge. Not having been around for the challenge, I don’t know what your brief was, but I really liked the way you used to prove Malfoy was innocent.
The naming of Addison was interesting, and also unusual. It’s not a name I’ve ever heard in the UK before – however the same could be said of many wizarding names. Being my usual British self, I did notice one or two American spellings but no complete Americanisms, which was great.
I found some of the technical stuff a bit confusing at times, though that is more likely to be my own stupidity than your writing.
I found the Addison’s ‘punch line’ in the trial quite amusing and I don’t know if this what you were going for but if so, it definitely worked and I found myself smiling as I read it. I thought the whole piece was very entertaining.
I really enjoyed this story. The world you've created is really well thought out and I feel you have planned the exact fates of all the characters in both universes and it is fascinating to read. The characterisation is interesting and definitely believable for the events that the worlds have been through.
I have so many questions, particularly regarding the 'other' world and how it has evolved the way it has. I really hope that you write and post more at some point as I am very interested to see how this story develops and finishes. I love reading about the alternative universes authors create, particularly when they are as well developed as this one.
Wow, this was really interesting. As it was written for your potions class, it obviously had some sort of purpose/brief and I thought the knowledge you had gained from the class came across really well. However it still remained a story, which is always a challenge when you’re writing about technical things such as potion-making. Some of the more complex bits went over my head but you have clearly put loads of work in to the make-up of the potion and really thought about what all the ingredients would do and the process was explained perfectly and in plenty of detail. I liked the subtle things, such as the potion being turned seven times in each direction (I’m guessing that was because seven is the most powerful magical number) because they showed you really knew what you were writing about. Also, as far as characterisation goes, even though it wasn’t the main focus of your fic, I thought you pulled off James and Sirius really well (though I have my doubts as to whether they would be dishonest enough to cheat – however it worked in the context of your fic.) Overall it was an enjoyable little read – well done!
*jaw drops* wow, you really do know how to put in twists and turns.
I thought Harry was Swingle at first, I hadn't even thought about Lucius Malfoy. Part of me was thinking that perhaps he was working with Harry but I soon realised that was stupid.
When the legend was mentioned I thought it could be another one referring to Harry and I nearly closed the window! I can't stand reading fics about a second prophecy, I mean how many prophecies can there be about one man? But anyway, I quickly realised I didn't need to worry when it became apparent it was about one of the children soon to be born, which would give Albus, Rose or Scorpius but I then I suppose with the all the strangeness surrounding Ginny's pregnancy it's most likely to be Albus, though I'm sure you could surprise us all again. But this Legend certainly gives a lot more to think about.
But then of course with everything that was going on with Harry I completely forgot about last chapters cliffhanger until Charlie suddenly appeared. It's making me wonder what's been happening back in england and what the others know about Harry.
I've just had two emails telling me you've updated chapter 21 so at least I know it's on its way somewhere, can't wait!
Author's Response: Yes, I like keep readers on their toes. One thing that everyone who reads my stories eventually learns is that just when you think you have everything figured out, think again! Most people thought Harry was impersonating Lucius, so of course I couldn\'t allow it to be Harry, could I? As for the legend, I would never go that route. Harry has already paid his \"dues\" so to speak, though it might be harder watching one of kids feel the weight of those \"great expectations\" than it was when the burden was on him. Chapter 21 is now up. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks so much for your detail and thoughtful review.
Noooo, not a cliffhanger!
I loved this chapter, especially the brother/sister banter between Ron and Ginny, you really captured their relationship well.
I hope you update soon (I get several emails each time you add another chapter, usually before it's been validated so I always know when there's another chapter coming)
Anyway, I love this fic and the twists and turns it takes. Can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: With all these twists and turns I\'m giving everyone whiplash. I don\'t know why you get several emails. I get the same, and it\'s frustrating as all get out. The only explanation I\'ve received thus far is that this story has become very popular and sending out so many emails to rapid readers caues the MNFF server to crash. Sounds a little fishy to me, but what do I know? Keep checking. More should be up soon.
It's over! *sob*
I just have to say that this is one of the few fics I would get genuinely excited about seeing an email for in my inbox.
I thought you kept the twists and turns up right until the end and you had me completely hooked.
I loved this line:
If you kept going, sooner or later you’d end up somewhere, and perhaps the destination wasn’t all that important. It was the journey that mattered,
I just though that was such a wonderful way to conclude and sum up everything that's happened in the fic.
I adore your writing style and look forward to whatever you write next. Obviously a sequel to this would be wonderful but I'm a great believer in not forcing plots that don't want to be forced so wait and see where your inspiration takes you.
Plus, 26 chapters since January, you did such a great job of keeping this going and not letting it become stagnant. One thing I hate is having to go back and read an entire chaptered fic because I've forgotten what happened in the break. I never had to do this with this one because your updates always came at a good pace.
Anyway, that's all I have to say I think, except keep writing and I hope you're proud of yourself for finishing this.
Author's Response: Thanks so very much! I have to admit, I am rather relieved to be done with this one. It was quite a trying experience all the way around, but after a bit of a break, I'm sure I'll start to feel homesick for this world and be ready to delve back into it, in one fashion or another. I'm actually very surprised (and flattered) that you considered my updates to be timely, as I felt it took me forever. 'The Letter' was written in a little over a month, so I suppose I'm comparing it to that one, but this story was a good deal more complex and my personal life was a bit more harried during the writing process as well. At any rate, I'm so very glad you enjoyed it and I'll look forward to hearing from you again when I get back into the groove of things once more.
aw, what a great little post-war snapshot. You captured the characters and their relationship really well and I had tears in my eyes by the end.
I found this story through the QSQ nomination thread - I hope you win!
Author's Response: thank you so much! your praise means a lot to me. :)
PP, this was such a touching one-shot and I felt genuinely emotional reading it. You portrayed Elizabeth’s emotions in such an effective manner and I felt so sad for her, especially as she just seems so alone. At the beginning, the line if she had to keep breathing at all is just so heart wrenchingly sad and, I think, a really wonderful description of quite how painful grief can be.
The only person she gets to talk to is Lupin – to the rest it almost seems as if she doesn’t really matter, due to her Muggleness, and I think you summed this up here: Being a Muggle makes me magicless, not deaf. Obviously, no one at The Burrow would intentionally ignore her because she is a Muggle but it does seem that perhaps she is a little easy to overlook and you can understand her frustration that the rest of the wizards and witches seem to think it is not only magic that she is incapable of, but everything else as well, including being privy to the actual truth about the death of her husband. It seems almost as if the rest of them are too wrapped in thoughts of the wedding to worry about the Muggle widower, with McGonagall only hurriedly and not quite finishing altering her robes, and everyone avoiding talking to her, so as not to have to bring up the subject of Moody’s death.
I loved the description of The Burrow as chipped and scuffed by time, mellowed with age, slightly dusty in corners, a little stained along the flat surfaces. You paint it so vividly, and it’s so true, that The Burrow is aged and a little worn, and I think that is just what a visitor would first notice in such an unusual house.. It is a little old and little scruffy, but then to the people that call it home, the actual building itself is not what makes it so – it’s the people that live in it and the fact that it’s always been theirs and has been well and truly lived in.
I do wish you had mentioned Elizabeth’s name earlier on. I knew who she was of course, from your other stories, but I couldn’t remember what she was actually called at first, and so waiting nearly half the story to work out her name was a bit frustrating. Though it was nothing too serious, it did distract me a little in the first few paragraphs! This did also get me thinking that for someone not familiar with your other stories, it's not necessarily immediately clear who she is and perhaps a warning that reading one of the other two fics first would be be beneficial, might help.
Elizabeth’s conviction that Moody must still be alive, and her unspoken anger at Lupin’s insistence that he must be dead even though, in her mind, Your Order didn’t look all that hard, did you? There was a long way to look, it needed more than two people, but only two went. was very realistic. You can understand why should expect them to do more, and her anger at the fact that they were seemingly content to give up without too much proof. I can imagine it is very hard to accept a death when there is simply no evidence of it, and so the lack of a body is incredibly troubling for her, especially combined with the feeling that something is not as it seems.
The conversation between the pair was well-written and showed a lot of thought behind it. Her disgust, particularly, at the thought of his real eye being taken is excellent, as she doesn’t even consider for a moment that it might really be his magical eye which has been taken as eye immediately leads her to think of the one that was actually part of him and which she was able to see love from. And for her to finish with the realisation that it was after all, that, and not any actual part of him, is a really effective ending and the final image you leave us with, of her standing in the robes that once belonged to him and now are supposed to be hers, is a really touching one.
Author's Response: Thank you! I just can't thank you enough for this long, thought-out review of my story! I am very gratified to hear that it was that powerful a read. As I've developed the whole arc this comes from in my mind she is really the ultimate outsider, and these people who are normally quite nice but who are, let's face it, stressed beyond belief at the moment are basically ignoring her because they don't know what to do with her, and because there is some resentment, here and there, of being saddled with what they see as the equivalent of a slightly dim-witted child. Lupin, who is also something of an outsider because of his Lycanthropy, does understand better than the others. He's also got more experience with Muggles than most of them. I was trying to paint the Burrow in a nice light - did it come across that she was pleased that it was not shiny and new? I''m glad you liked the phrase. You are not the first person to mention that her identity is a bit confusing - I think I may go identify her in the summary, and add a note that reading one of the other stories first might help put this one in context. Elizabeth is more than a little angry about how the Order treats Mad-Eye from the beginning. She doesn't feel they looked very hard for him, and she is quite, quite certain he is alive. Something else at Bill's wedding that isn't in this story further convinces her. This is a woman who has surprised herselfby realizing she's in love with her neighbor, who she figures is 20 or thirty years older than she is.. (Actually, it is closer to 60 years, but he's holding up well...) I am glad the conversations work. I hope Remus seems in character - I think he does because no one has mentioned him not being. I can' t thank you enough for taking the time to give me such a detailed review. Thank you again!!!
I liked this fic you wrote for your class – it was less technical than the previous one but I found the plot incredibly interesting and it was definitely the strongest part of the fic. The idea of the orb and what could have happened if people had been sorted in to different houses is very interesting and the kind of thing which has sparked many AU plots. I did wonder where Harry was though as I didn’t see him mentioned unless I was being dozy.
There were moments when I was a little confused because at the beginning especially it was not always clear where Ginny was getting her instructions from. When you eventually mentioned the book, I did realise who/what was instructing her but I could have done with it a bit sooner.
Again the technical side of potion-making and the things you had learned in class came across really well and I was very impressed.