Welcome to my author’s page!
My name is Alyssa, and as you can tell, I love Harry Potter and anything to do with it.
Currently I have a bunch of things that I am working on. Only some of them are up, and some of them are on their way. Not much longer till they will show up on my author’s page.
Currently, there are quite a few fics I have updates too that just haven't been updated yet. I promise, I'm working on getting them up here. I just have to get them betaed and ready for the queue. Then, as soon as they are, I shall submit them for your enjoyment. Hopefully you will be seeing something from me soon!
I have to admit that I was a little reluctant to read this at first, but I now find it quite interesting. It is rather ambiguous to write a story that has a lot to do with portraits, and I like how you have pulled it off thus far. Hermione is very in character, and it could explain some of the time that she was off someplace else, and it would definitely be something that most of us can picture her doing…Someplace that she can be quiet and read on her own. Her own personal heaven it seems.
The only thing that bothers me really is how Madam Pince seems a bit…rude, in my opinion. We don’t see much of our dear librarian, but I could never imagine her being like that to Hermione, though I see her point. It just seems a tad off. If I was her I would be glad that someone wanted to read something that wasn’t for class work for once in their life. Though, since we don’t see much of her in canon, I cannot say you are wrong or anything, but that it seems unnatural in my opinion.
Overall I think it is a job well done with the first chapter. The end is definitely a cliff hanger that leaves me wanted more. I will have to finish reading this story as soon as I get a chance.
I have to say that out of all of the stories on the archives, this is one of my favorites. It shows emotion that not many can express or have the characters feel. You did a great job with it.
In the beginning, you didn’t have a lot of dialogue, but I liked the feeling you had flowing around. Of course Harry would be hurting. He had just seen his Headmaster die basically to save him.
This story probably would have happened, and it was extremely believeable. Even though we didn’t hear of something like this happening, I can actually believe that it did that night. It was an interesting twist on something on the story we saw.
I was a bit worried though when you had Harry think certain things. In Order of the Phoenix, you see that he shows his emotion in another way when he was expelled. He holds it in and seems to get moody and nervous. It seems that all these thoughts about crying seem a bit out of character, but that might just be my opinion of it.
Towards the end, you did have more dialogue, which was good, and I liked it. I like the touch of Dean and Seamus coming in to the dormitory. I think that they would be saying that type of thing. After all, Harry knew what happened when Dumbledore died, though not many others did, and certainly not them. The loss of the Headmaster, so suddenly, would have been a shock to all there.
Other then that, I loved your dialogue. It seemed to flow well in your story, and it worked.
Harry did seem a tad out of character with the crying part, but I think it is all right due to the situation that he was in and such. He did cry over Dumbledore’s body.
The gentle tides of sleep finally washed over him as he held onto Ginny in front of the fire in the common room. He knew things couldn’t stay like this. He knew what he had to do, and a plan was slowly forming and taking shape within his mind, but for now…for tonight…he wanted this. Nothing was going to take him from her side.
I love that paragraph. Harry loves Ginny and I love the way you worded this. Like he could have a night of peace before the hardships begin again and he must leave her side, if only for a little while.
Other then this I just have a few nitpicks.
-- He didn’t know what he wanted and wished he could just find sleep.
Your are contradicting yourself with this sentence. In the previous sentence, you said Harry wanted to be alone, and now you say that he doesn’t know what he want.
-- "Go back to your own dorm, twerp" Seamus replied, disgruntled, and Harry heard the door slam shut.
First off, there would be a comma after twerp. Secondly, I don’t think that Seamus would call Colin that.
-- Harry had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. He was not going to cry.
This seems a bit weird. In Order of the Phoenix we see that Harry takes out his emotion in other ways, not crying. So why would he cry now?
-- I couldn’t move – I couldn’t help.
I think that a semi-colon would be more appropriate in this spot.
Once again, great job with this story!
I absolutely LOVE this chapter. I can't wait until you post your next chapter!!!
Author's Response: Next Chapter on the way
Wow. I really like that, I have to admit. I normally dont read things in first person but this was good. I think that you have Harry spot on. I have always pictured him not wanting to be a hero and wanting to blend in with everyone else. Though I wasn't expecting people not being over the war five years later, at least not like that. I knew that there would still be damage, most likely, and that people would have some horrible memories, but I never imagined that it would be that bad. Especially Seamus. Overall I just love your story.
I loved it! I can't wait to read more! Update soon!
Author's Response: :O :D **Huggles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** Thanks, duck!!
This is so sweet!
I think that you do have Harry's characterization right, but I would have loved for him to think about his wife. After all, Ginny must have played a part in his decision, right?
Great job, and I will definitely be reading your other poems very soon.
I'm still laughing at it! I wouldn't want to be Angela. It seemed as though she really wanted to be a gryffindor just cause of Black! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you find it funny. Poor Angela, really. Thanks for reviewing, I love getting reviews!
You told me about this the other day and I am just reviewing it now. Sorry.
I have to say that I was a bit shocked in the beginning. I was trying to figure out who Hermione was married to and I kept reaching the conclussion of Ron. >.< Then I kept thinking that the person she saw outside would be Harry. Though I have to say that it was very good. I would have never in a million years thought of something like this.
I just wish you wrote more. I really want to see how Victor would react to seeing Ron after he insulted Hermione. It would be interesting to read.
I also just want to say that I think you have Hermione spot on the nose!
Author's Response: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR! I didn't want anyone to know who her husband was at the beginning, so I chose my words very carefully. I wanted to use the element of surprise. :] I have always identified with Hermione a lot, as well, so I find her quite easy to write.
So, you caught my interest with this, though I usually despise Humour. Dean, stealing it? I can picture that, if he really wanted Parvarti that bad. But then she had to go and be a spoiled git…
Is Ms Dun-Bar Lily? I think it is….but I wanted to ask you just to check and make sure…
I love what the Marauders say, I think it is so them to do that. But I’m surprised that Padfoot said Harry’s his godson, and that Prongs said that Harry’s his son. I mean, that would make it quite obvious who’s map it was…and if she didn’t know who the others would, it wouldn’t take much to find out…or does she not care who’s map it was originally? And that all she cares about is that Harry spends so much time looking it over?
Other than that, I really don’t have much to comment on…I love this fic, and I really wish that you would continue it! You’re starting to make me like humour, please continue it. *puppy eyes*
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, this was your easter egg.
The only thing I have to say is, I love it and can't wait for the next chapter. :)
Author's Response: *giggles* Chapter two is going into the queue shortly! I'm glad you like it! =) *hugs*
Wonderful story. Being your beta, I obviously read it before, but I read it again today, and I have to say, I still really like it. LOL. It STILL brought me to tears!
Great job. I hope to see lots more from you soon!
Okay, first might I say, I had my doubts. Reading the summary…well, I wondered how on earth Voldemort would fall for anyone…and who he would fall in love with.
And even though I had my doubts, I read it…and might I say, it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Bravo.
Only one little tiny nitpick: “I’m afraid I can’t do that Tom,” replied Dumbledore calmly. “How many times do I need to answer this, Tom?” he sighed after a moment.
I would only put one Tom, and get rid of the second one, else it sounds a tad repetitive.
She, therefore, received the full wrath of Peevid's 'lurvley' spree. She fell down unconscious, thinking of her Lord and Master till the very last moment.
First thing I thought was: “Bellatrix will love this!” I have to say, that last line…”thinking of her Lord and Master till the very last moment” would have made me think she was dead…unless I read the “she fell down unconscious” part.
There are so many things that make this one of the best fics that I’ve read in a while…I love the characterization, as it is most appropriate in this use. Also, I think that this would make a lovely fic for the humour section.
Once again, great job! I look forward to reading your other one shot and hopefully more things from you in the future!
Author's Response: First things first, thank you so much for reviewing Alyssa! And thanks for pointing out the errors. I'm glad you found the fic funny--trying to write humour involves a lot of effort.
So! I love this fic.
I think it’s incredibly daring that you wrote Tom. I love your characterization; I think you got it pretty much on the stop. The only thing I want to point out quickly is that between the third to last and second to last paragraphs, you’re missing the space between the two.
Now, I think that this is a completely rational fic…After all, if Tom doesn’t like something, he lets you know. He isn’t one to not…
I can certainly see this as one of those points where the other boys learn not to mess with him, else bad things might happen. It’s interesting. But I have to admit, when I read the summary, I never thought it would be able Tom.
I can’t really think of anything else to say, except that I love this story.
Great job! And I’ll make sure to read all your other fics!
Author's Response: <3 ily. Thanks so much for the review! And I'll clear up that formatting error. >.< I don't know why paragraph tags hate me so much.
First let me take a moment to say congrats on finishing your story for the mini gauntlet. Now, I shall move on to the story itself. First here are some mistakes I caught while reading your fic.
no would we?”
Should be “now would we?”
The stream made her change her direction, because she didn’t fancy falling into the water. Navigating the stones that lined the banks of the stream slowed her down dramatically. She really didn’t want to sprain an ankle where there was no one around to help her. There were a few healing charms she knew,
I would change on of the didn’t-s. It seems a bit repetitive to have two so close together. Not only are they in the same paragraph, but they are only separated by a sentence…Just a suggestion, though.
After about 30 minutes
All numbers under a hundred should be written out, so it should be: thirty minutes.
She watched entranced as the younger dragon landed.
There should be a comma after watched and another comma after entranced.
The first thing I noticed while reading this fic was the beginning. I think that maybe it would have been better to expand upon the beginning a bit more, for it seems like you’re just telling us things, and I think it would have been better if you had shown us, instead of just talking about it.
Secondly, I must say that I really enjoy this story. It is interesting to read about Tonks being near dragons because I can’t really picture her there…She’s clumsy so I thought that it would have been the place she wouldn’t want to go, but the way you have her there partly because of Charlie, it helps me believe her being there.
As for the plot itself, it doesn’t really seem connected to me. The visit from Hagrid seems a bit random, and I think that if you had added something more about him and Tonks and Charlie meeting together again towards the end of the fic it might have made more sense…
Characterization…I rather like your characterization, though I think that Tonks might be slightly off. Some parts don’t feel like something she would say or do, but rather what anyone else would do. I find it easier if I try to think like the character I’m writing, personally, but that’s just me. I like your Tonks, but it just seems off…I can’t really pinpoint it exactly…
Once again, I really like this story and great job.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I will try to incorporate a few of your suggestions into the story and fix the few things you suggested. It is always nice to get some fresh eyes reading over a story and getting other people's insights. :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. I have written many stories with Tonks, and this one keeps consistent for how she has developed in my mind. I will try to read through and see if I see anything to make it seem more like her, though I think she has taken off in my head to be like I wrote her here. :) Cyns
First off might I say that it is rather ambiguous to write this tale, and I admire you for giving it a go. :D Secondly, while your summary tells us what the story is about, it seems to be lacking something. What about the tale of these two? What are we going to read about? The summary is supposed to draw the readers in, and while this one definitely catches your attention, I wouldn’t say that it draws your attention in all the way.
Here is one quick nitpick:
Another, lighter envelope
Add another comma after lighter.
Now, for your plot. I think it is interesting all of the secrets that they are keeping from the world, but then again we all know they have a lot of enemies. I like the idea of charming the envelopes, but if they had the ability to do that, why didn’t other witches and wizards use it? Was it something that only a few know, or did the two of them make it up themselves, perhaps? Just something to think about, for it confused me. It would have been very useful in the wars, but yet we see no mention of it. Unless there is something I missed.
I love the younger Dumbledore that we see here. He is a bit foolish when it comes to the three items (for the life of me I can’t remember what they are called together right now), but we know that he lost his head over them a bit. He wanted them badly, but he didn’t deserve them for he definitely didn’t have a right use that he wanted them for.
Great work and I’ll definitely continue reading this story!
First might I start off that this story is rather interesting, unlike anything that I’ve read of late. It shows us a different side of James and Sirius, a side that would have never appeared at Hogwarts. Maybe our favorite Marauders really can be mature, or maybe they always were, but the war really made that part shine in them. Either way this is an interesting one shot, showing something that I have no doubt would have actually happened.
Throughout your story you progress nicely, with a very nice concept and plot to this one shot. This story answers a question that so many authors have a question about, and want to portray but never do portray: how did they act? J.K. Rowling never really told us much outside of what was in the books. There is some information in her interviews, and the prologue that she released, but never enough for us to more than grasp the characters she created.
While this story is mostly a conversation between Sirius and James, I think it’s a good setup for what Sirius believed. We all know that Sirius thought Remus was the traitor, since Peter was deemed unable to be one, and Dumbledore said there was a traitor in their mist. Sirius and James were like brothers, of course Sirius would tell James. It only makes sense that one would tell someone they are close to this, especially if that someone was in grave danger.
But then it occurs to him that maybe Sirius isn’t asking because he doesn’t know the answer but because he hopes he doesn’t; maybe, despite his protests to the contrary, Sirius just wants a reason to believe this is all just another school game after all; maybe he wants James to tell him there’s nothing to be scared of.
Perhaps you could make this a couple of sentences instead of one long one. It’s a very powerful sentence, but it’s a bit long and has the potential to be even better than it already is. Having it split up will help us, the readers, to understand easier that these thoughts are important to the story, that they have a lot of meaning for it.
Overall, I really like this story. It is perfectly canon, and it is a good example of our dear Marauders at best. James and Sirius are characterized very well. I especially love Sirius, saying how his death wouldn’t affect as many, he is so very brave for his friends. Though James is very good too, he is a true friend when Sirius implies that it would be alright if he died, but not James.
Great work on this story!
Interesting. The first thing that I notice is this story hooks me in from the very beginning. At first I was confused as to why James couldn’t see her without the dress on, but then I realized that they must be getting married the next day, and it all made sense.
Overall, though, very intriguing. I love the relationship you show between Severus and Lily, it broke my heart to see her loving him also, but not being able to be with him as she was getting married the next day. I do believe that it is possible she loved him, and this is a good way of portraying it. Though, I am confused about something, why did she run to his house? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to Apparate there? Or was there a special reason why she had to run?
The emotions and overall grasp you have on your characters is amazing.
The only thing I would say is slow down the beginning, just a tad. It’s a bit rushed, and would be better if you slowed it down a little. Maybe add some more description of the room she was in, or what was around her as she ran.
Other than that, great job!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! The way I see it, running was her way of running off her emotions - plus it added a little something to the story. Just apparating into his house wouldn't have been nearly as interesting, nor nearly as fulfilling for her. As for slowing down - I see your point, but it seemed as though the focus of the story should be on her and Severus, rather than on her room or what's around her. I definitely see your point though. Thanks again for reviewing!
Interesting story, I really like the idea of taking bits and pieces of the years and making them into a one shot. It’s a good way to show the reader what they need to know, when they need to know it.
Your characterization seems spot on to me, and I love the repeating theme of “I am a Gryffindor.” James was very proud to be one, though his family had a history of Gryffindors, and it makes sense that he constantly thought of it. He probably wanted to impress his family, though who knows if they would think James jumping into an icy cold lake is impressive…or just place stupid, and to live up to the Gryffindor name. I also love the relationship between James and Lily. This was something that was being debated not long ago on the forums in the MWPP class, whether or not James love Lily from first sight, and it being a kid love or not. I have to say I agree with what you have here. I think that James would have thought Lily was cute, but would have never really pursued her because of the fact that she is friends with Snape, first and foremost, and maybe he did have interest in other girls, that is wholly possible. You definitely have a lot of food for thought in this story. It is very uncliched and original. :D
Other than that, I would have liked to see some more at the end. As a reader we have a suspicion as to who the letter was from, but we don’t know. I would have really loved to know that. It just feels like there is so much more that the reader doesn’t know at the end, and while it’s implied as to what happens, I would have really loved to read it happen.
Overall, great story! It’s very original, and a good read.
Slash stories have always had a soft spot in my heart. And I always thought that Remus and Sirius would go good together. This story just reminds me of that even more, and makes me surer that they would be a fantastic couple.
Good job with the description, and the thoughts of the two men. It can be awkward for anyoneâ€™s first kiss, and theirs is definitely not an exception. I think it would be more so because they havenâ€™t seen each other in so many years and had both mistrusted each other due to extenuating circumstances. So, very realistic in that aspect.
Also, it paints a good image in my mind of what is going on. Your story is full of visuals, which is good. I can also hear the creak in the stairs. I love any sort of imagery in a story because it really just makes it come to life so much better. Most stories could always use more description and imagery. Most though, not all.
Just a little nitpick. Too silent, wasn't Remus down stairs? There should be a period after silent and capitalize the w for wasnâ€™t.
You did a good job with this one shot.
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread,
The web I spin for you.
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I'd lose you.
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life.
Breathe your breath in me;
The only thing that I still believe
In is you.
If you only knew...
They weren't sure, but they might have loved one another all along. Some avenues were always meant to be explored.
This story is so very wonderful. One complaint though, it needs a sequel! You left us hanging with a one shot, it's so not right. It's a cruel and unusual punishment. I think all of us Harmony fans would love and much appreciate a sequel. So you should consider that.
Great one shot!
Hmm, I might have it in me for a sequel, but in the future. If you're looking for more (smuttier) Harmony, I recommend checking out Heat of the Moment. :D
Thanks for the review. *hugs*