Greatly enjoyed reading your story thus far. In answer to your plea for a story summary, I'm enclosing my version done in the style of a bookjacket teaser. It's yours to do with as you will, tweek to your heart's content.
A Sleepwalk to Remember – Sample Summary
Hermione Granger has always met challenges head-on. Now in her seventh year and determined to continue her studies to become a Potions Mistress, she arranges for advance training from Severus Snape. As she strains valiantly into the wee hours of the morning to complete her assignments, it becomes increasingly unclear whether she seeks to capture this taciturn man’s attention based on her latest project or simply as a woman. Much to her embarrassment, the ambivalence in her heart begins to manifest in episodes of sleepwalking. Wandering outside the safety of the castle walls, she is abducted by dark forces necessitating a desperate rescue by an unlikely hero. Forced to flee to a remote locale, Hermione and Snape must come face to face with Death Eaters as well as their growing feeling for one another. As the Minister of Magic continues to deny Voldemort’s return in the face of conflicting information, one valiant member of the Order of the Phoenix will be forced to pay the ultimate price.
Author's Response: ahhhh, that summary is awesome! thanks so much!! do you mind if i just use parts of it? i want to try and keep the summary relatively short. but yay! thanks again! this is really awesome :D :D
I think all of us writers share your frustration with the queue. The only suggestion I can give is to perhaps combine a few of your chapters so that you are submitting more at once. It won't cut down on the wait time, but you will feel like you're accomplishing more each time.
Author's Response: you know, I've been thinking about that for a long time and wondering if shouldn't just do that, but then that compromises the specific pacing I created, just because these mods don't care to validate in a more timely fashion? I mean, I just don't understand it...and yet they keep adding 'new features' but can't do the simple stuff on a regular basis. It's funny, I used to be a mod at War of the Ring and now I get what people were always saying about who's watching the watchers...I guess the mods here can do what they like and we have no recourse but to be at their mercy ;) such is life :)
Author's Response: Thank you
Survival. Separation. Reunion. Death cannot stop true love; all it can do is delay it for a while.
*A DH alternate ending story.*
Love the name of the pub: The Sleazy Kneazle. Musical even.
Author's Response: Thank you! I made up the pub for a post-epilogue George fic and couldn't resist using it again. :)
Just now discovered this little gem and am already hooked after just two chapters! But, of course, I love anything having to do with Remus, if you couldn’t have already guessed. Am so pleased that you see him so similarly to the way I do: he’s definitely the counterpart to Hermione in the Marauders, only he reads literature not textbooks. Despite their book learning, Remus has a poet’s soul, which Hermione does not.
Dumbledore was very believable and playful. He truly came across as being eternally young at heart. Remus’ inner voice was also well rendered and believable for an eleven year old. I assume you will be giving him much more complicated thoughts as he matures. I suppose that’s what makes him such an interesting character to write. You know that even though he’s the “quiet one”, there’s a lot going on in his head that he keeps to himself.
Compliments on a truly engaging summary that really drew my attention. This is an area that is overlooked far too often.
My absolute favorite phrase: a curiosity only children could bear without embarrassment.
Author's Response: Eep – I only just read your name a couple hours ago and now you left me a review! Well thank you for that first of all, it's really great to know that you enjoyed the story so far! It's so weird for me that people tell me I did well with Dumbledore, but I feel so great about that :D I'm glad that you thought I did a good job on Remus so far – I hope I can keep that up. Thank you so much for your review - it made me go all warm and fuzzy inside!
Very entertaining. What a fabulous take on just a snippet of information in canon. It had that perfect blend of humorous irony that peppers real life. Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. Poor old Aberforth, he never quite lived down the 'goat charming'.
As much as I know you’re going to hate to hear this, but JKR is famous for taking little things that we have assumed to mean one thing and twisting them into something quite different. Just look at all those overheard conversations that are out of context the first time we read them. As a thought-provoking spin on the animosity between Severus and James this really follows Jo’s template. Just think of the new reasons for Severus to hate James: for dying on him, for marrying Lily (which would have been a double-betrayal, I suppose).
Just so we’re clear, I don’t support this ship, either. But there’s no doubt you have presented a viable, if unexpected, interpretation. Please don’t hate me for playing the devil’s advocate.
Author's Response: No, no! I don't hate hearing sound theories like yours. I do love James Potter and I certainly do not hate Severus Snape. :) It's just I get mad when people make the latter out to be more than he is. *shrug* Yes, I agree that JKR does have that streak; she is constantly surprising her readers.
"Just think of the new reasons for Severus to hate James: for dying on him, for marrying Lily (which would have been a double-betrayal, I suppose)."
This made me laugh because I was thinking about the same thing while I was writing. :D
Thanks for the interesting review! I certainly don't hate you for playing the devil's advocate. :)
Very well done! Each character brought their own voice to it. I think I'd like to see this same treatment with the less obvious characters such as Snape, Sirius and, of course, Remus.
Author's Response: Thank you! I've considered doing it with less obvious characters, but the problem with that is we don't know as many people who mean something to them, so I would have to bring in OCs, which I don't think is as much fun.
Really loving this story so far. Clearly, you’ve taken a lot of care to make the Sirius/Remus connection very believable – and it is not one of my favorite ships, to say the least. Since you’ve set this in an Alternate Universe, I’m only hoping you’ll be kinder to the characters than Fate was (i.e. canon). Toddler Harry’s nickname of Pronglet couldn’t be more perfect! I’m so jealous that I didn’t think of it myself. Looking forward to next update.
Author's Response: My gosh, I didn't know I had this review! Many apologies for not responding quicker. Thank you for saying such nice things--and for even reading this in the first place, considering it's not one of your favorite ships. I do appreciate it very much. I'm submitting the final bit today, and hope you enjoy the ending. Thanks again for reviewing!
Looking forward to reading more. You've set up a number of interesting premises that I'm sure will play out more fully in future chapters. Particularly liked the Snape POV, but then he's one of my faves. What can I say?
Let me start by saying that I’m really enjoying your story so far. It’s absolutely hilarious that Dudley would marry a woman who is so like his mother. Then the description of the new history teacher from Sinead’s point of view made her seem to delightfully eccentric; I can’t wait until she figures into the story again later. Would like to know more details about the decision to dismiss Professor Binns – seeing as how he’s the perfect employee who will never demand a salary, let alone a raise or retirement benefits.
One phrase caught my particular attention as Ms. Penrose is questioning Sinead and the girl averts her eyes, almost as if she has a guilty secret. Does this mean that she has indeed experienced inexplicable events, but only when she’s alone and no one else knows about it? That would certainly be consistent with someone whose parents have never seen angry; namely, she only allows herself to experience strong emotions when she has complete privacy.
One tiny little detail of continuity I noticed though. Ms. Penrose says this is her last visit of the day, but it is still early enough in the morning that Dudley is preparing to go to work at the regular hour. Considering that she mentions that some of the Muggle families she visited earlier have taken a fair bit of convincing, this time frame would have her knocking on the first door before the sun had risen. Perhaps, if she mentioned that the Dursleys were her last visit on what had proven to be a stressful week, it would make more sense.
Looking forward to the next update.
Author's Response: Ah, that continuity detail did bug me once I put it up. I really should go back and fix that; you're right in saying it makes absolutely no sense. Thanks so much for the detailed review! :D
Long overdue to leave some remarks, I know. All packed for guilt trip, lol. That being said, I’m really enjoying your story. Gabe is a great character and I can’t wait to see how his Native American mysticism plays against Bella’s magical heritage. Or could he even be a shaman in disguise… so many rich possibilities. The details about the smudging ceremony read just as exotic as the workings of the magical world to regular Muggles like me, wonderful touch. The dogs are great, but I’m a dog person so that’s a given. Please don’t let anything happen to them, I can’t bear that.
Lots of suspense created by your chapter notes about the cataclysm that’s going to throw Bella over the edge. Will you be interjecting any of this into the actual narrative, though? I guess it all depends upon whether you want readers to enjoy the opening chapters with a sense of impending doom, or whether you want to pounce it on them unexpected. Your choice, either way. Knowing how heartless and evil the pure-blood fanatics can be, the possibilities are dire indeed. Loved the way that Bella showed up drunk before Rodolphus – I don’t think she managed to repulse him as she much as she had hoped, though.
The name of Onyx for the Black family house-elf is priceless. Coincidentally (again), the black lab that I recently adopted from my sister-in-law is named Onyx. I would’ve preferred to call him Seriously Black, myself. Keep up the excellent work; I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: I found out late last night that "A Black Brunch" had been rejected on another website because I said "drunk" in the chapter summary. Bummer!! When I checked MNFF this morning and saw your review, well, that made up for it. I felt I was on the right track. Not only have I been busy with writing but work's been real busy also. I'm looking forward to Christmas break which starts tomorrow and runs until after New Year's. I plan to get a lot of reading and writing taken care of. I'll be submitting Ch. 6 in a couple of days. Based on your review, I think you'll really enjoy it. I'm also working on a one-shot Christmas story. I'm not finished with that yet so I hope it works out. Hmm, Gabe as a shaman? Could be--I'm not telling:D You'll have to read and find out. I'm not planning for anything bad to happen to the dogs. That would just break my heart beyond repair. They're based on dogs I once owned and they lived good, loyal lives. There's no reason to hurt them even in fiction. Unfortunately, the same doesn't go for Bella. As bad as the character she becomes, she doesn't deserve what will happen to her. Readers will be witnesses to the entire hideous tragedy. When Molly yells, "Not my daughter, you bitch." (I think that's how it's stated) something's gonna snap in Bella and she's going to want to die. So, Molly's curse will be a blessing. Poor Gabe's heart will be shattered but I'm not sure if he'll totally understand what happened until he's much older. I hope I haven't told too much:D I bought a Great Dane puppy over the summer. He'll be nine months old right after Christmas. He's black with a white chest and white tips that are polka-dotted on his feet. His name is Mayhem Ange-Noir and he's quite a handful. i keep waiting for him to be the world's biggest lap dog like I was promised:D Thanks so much for your review. I'm inspired to write on!! To the keyboard!!
Really love the dreams and how the descriptions of the scenery crystallize the differences between Gabe and Bella. The wording Bella used for Rain and Autumn Rose, i.e. that woman and her brat, are so perfectly in tune with her derisive view of the world. And her comments about introducing Gabe to her family only if she wanted to scare him away are priceless. You’ve really captured her insolent brand of humor. So happy you were able to conquer your writer’s block; sometimes just writing anything, even if it’s on a tangent helps.
Author's Response: It was so nice to look at reviews and to find yours. I'm honored. You really got what I was trying to show in the two dreams. Gabe and Bella met Rain in about the same place--along the Missouri River. And, Rain was basically using the dreams to show the future. How Gabe and Bella reacted in the same situation showed a bit of their personalities. Gabe has respect for land and life. Bella doesn't want anyone or anything to stand in her way. Another reviewer on another website thought that Rain was too rude and haughty to Bella. I think she had to be. She doesn't like Bella and she knows what Bella is and what she becomes. This whole meeting the family business is going to cause a problem. Bella certainly can't let Gabe meet her family and Gabe's going to find that very unusual as time goes on. That was one of my favorite lines--when Bella tells Gabe she doesn't want to set him up for an evening of torture (literally). I think one of the things I learned this time about writer's block (or at least I hope I learned it), is not to over-discuss chapter ideas with people. I originally wanted to use dreams but someone didn't see the sense of it. So, I lost a major idea I wanted to use and fooled around and then decided to use it after all. Many times writing has to be a solitary affair. Once again, thanks for the review. I'll see you in one of your chapters soon.
Absolutely exquisite! So perfectly suited for Christmas yet you avoided all the cliches. Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! That is high praise, to avoid the cliches after so many stories, lol! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading this set and for such a wonderful review!! ~Gina :)
Very captivating twist, can't wait to see where the next chapters take us. Lots of great detail to ground the reader in the canon timeline and bond with the Remus we already know before being plunged into the alternate reality. Using the term “too” to illustrate Remus at the opening was sheer genius. Unsaid, it also poignantly echoes the way in which life as a werewolf was often an overwhelming experience for him. Adored the way in which he noted that Tonks was smiling even as she kissed him; it's just the sort of detail that Remus would cherish. Uncertain about all the changes from past tense to the present, though. Are the memories/flashbacks supposed to be in present tense while the main narrative is in standard past tense?
Couldn't help being draw to your story by your pen name -- and I'm glad for it! Great beginning with lots of nice detail. Left me on the edge of my seat. Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by and reading this! I'm glad you ended up liking it; I'm working on my second chapter these days and it should be done soon ^_^
What a fabulous Valentine's Day treat! Like whipped truffle filling, I'd say. Bella is such a delinquent, getting other people to pick up her tab. Couldn't you include the step -by-step instructions for that so the rest of us would have a chance at a Valentine's Day get-away of our own? The romantic dinner and rose petal bedcovers are out of my price range these days. And the way she's so possessive of Gabe is so self-centered and undeniably Slytherin.
Author's Response: If I told you Bella's secrets, she'd get very angry with me and there's no telling what she'd do:D I liked your comparison to whipped truffle filling. That sounds like the perfect treat for Valentine's Day. The sad thing is that Gabe's so nice that he doesn't seem to realize what she's doing or how naughty she is. I guess that's one of his flaws. He likes to think the best of everyone. I loved your last sentence--If I can make Bella sound Slytherin even on her best days, then I've done my job of capturing her character. Thanks for the review. Praise from one of my favorite authors is high praise indeed.
Very provocative take on the whole series. At what point does the imagination tilt over the edge into insanity? Yet without those willing to test those limits we would never have fiction writers. Oh, if only this Harry thought to pick up a pen and send his adventures to a publisher. Perhaps, the $$ pouring in might serve as a reality check.
Great job, you made the alternate world and Harry's reaction to it very believable. Especially for those of us who know that the poor lad REALLY is a wizard....
Author's Response: It's a pity we're not allowed to post JKR stories; it would have been quite a sequel to have Harry writing under the pseudonym Rowling as he takes steps towards recovery =D Thanks for stopping by and reading this and thanks for your review ^_^
Thanks for putting a gentle smile on my face after an arduous day. Great idea to do an Easter themed story -- about choclate, of course. The Cadbury bunny applauds.
Author's Response: Sorry about your arduous day but pleased I was able to make you smile. Chocolate is always important. Thanks for the review ~Carole~