Hi there! I’m Soraya. I’m seventeen years old and am a proud Muslim British Bangladeshi. I live in East London and have loved reading and writing from a young age. I’m rather obsessed with Harry Potter (aren’t we all?), tea (not a surprise considering I’m a Brit) and good grammar. Recently, I've also got into the Supernatural fandom. After watching the first episode, I had already fallen head over heels in love with Sam Winchester, so it's no surprise that I am now a huge SPN fangirl as well as a Potterhead.
My writing has changed quite a bit over the years, and I think you'll probably notice that, the further down my author page you go, the more the quality seems to drop :P I started posting stories on here at the age of fourteen, and at nearly eighteen, I can see how much my writing has improved since those Dark Ages. So, for that reason, I would advise you stick to the more recent stuff, if you choose to read anything of mine.
Just so you know, these are posted firstly according to what kind of pairing, if any, is in the story, and then in chronological order in accordance to my own canon, not necessarily the order in which they were posted.
My first chaptered fic. It’s terribly written, but I still have a place in my heart for it because of how much fun it was to write. This story has now been deleted on MNFF, but if you really, really want to read it, you can still find it on FF.net and HPFF. (I advise you don't, though :P)
Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion (James/Lily)
Written for Round One (Major Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon, this one-shot is about James and Lily’s relationship getting rockier and rockier after they left Hogwarts, especially when Lily is faced with the trials of being a wife and motherhood. A little smutty.
My Love is Always Here (James/Lily)
This was a belated birthday present for the wonderful Gina/Gmariam, aka the queen of James/Lily. This is mostly about Lily dealing with becoming a mother for the first time and the problems (as well as the joys) that come with that.
There's an Answer (Remus/Tonks)
Written for Sophie/The owl for SPEW Summer Swap IV. Tonks is sent on an interesting baby Auror assignment to do with werewolves. Remus and a dangerous Muggle are thrown into the mix, with interesting results.
Left Behind (Remus/Tonks)
An expanded version of one of my LoveNotes, written for SPEW. It's a missing moment set between OOTP and HBP, where in my head canon Remus and Tonks have been together, in secret, for a few weeks already and Remus is then told to go on his werewolf mission. Slightly smutty.
One and Only (Remus/Tonks)
Written for the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people in the Ravenclaw Christmas Drabble Exchange. This is a missing moment set just after Tonks’s outburst to Remus in the hospital wing at the end of HBP.
Out of My Life (Harry/Ginny)
My only AU (kind of). I tweaked a small part of canon in this -- basically, Harry actually said goodbye to Ginny properly when he broke up with her. Very angsty, and this is only up for sentimental reasons, as I wrote it during The Dark Ages (aka when I was fourteen).
A Different Kind of Magic (Harry/Ginny)
Written for the You’re Having My Baby challenge at SIYE. Ginny finds out she’s pregnant, but Harry receives the news before her and therefore has to tell his wife. This was my first ever story at MNFF. It was written when I was thirteen, and it definitely shows.
A Different Kind of Magic 2: Parenthood (Harry/Ginny)
A sequel, obviously, to A Different Kind of Magic. Ginny goes into labour, and both Harry and Ginny realise what it means to be parents. Again, this was written from Back in the Days.
The Caustic Ticking of the Clock (Rowena/Helga)
Written for the Great Hall Cotillion, this story is my only Founders story so far, and it’s about Rowena and Helga’s secret relationship. I am proud of this one, which doesn’t usually happen :)
Catching Fire (James/Sirius)
This was written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Embers”, and it’s set just after Remus’s second transformation with the Marauders. James is badly injured, and he and Sirius realise, inadvertently, that they might just have feelings for each other. I like the pairing but still think the story needs work. One day I will go back and edit.
Flicker and Fail (Katie/Leanne)
This was written forSecret SPEW, and my recipient was the absolutely fabulous Alex/welshdevondragon. It’s my take on Leanne and Katie’s relationship from way before they were even at Hogwarts as well as what eventually happens to Katie in HBP, when she was cursed.
Skinny Love (Louis/Lily)
Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion. Set during Teddy and Victoire's wedding, Louis helps Lily come to terms with her bulimia. This one was pretty difficult to write.
Blood and Roses (Scorpius/Rose, Scorpius/Dominique, Dominique/OC)
Written for the Great Hall Mysterious Maychallenge, this was my first Next Generation fic about Scorpius, mostly, and the trials he faces after his daughter is murdered.
Broken Glass (Louis/Lily)
This is the story of when Loulily really began. After the deaths of his immediate family, Louis is finding it hard to cope, even six months later. Lily somehow helps. It’s a little smutty. I’m proud of this one, too :)
The Highway of Regret (Scorpius/Lily, Scorpius/Rose, Louis/Lily)
Also written for the Great Hall Cotillion. It’s my one and only Scily. This is all about secret relationships and mistakes people make. Lily’s angry at Louis, and Scorpius has just broken up with Rose; when Lily gets drunk in the pub, things... happen. :P
I Will Lay Down My Heart (Albus/Rose, Scorpius/Rose)
Written for Round Two (Minor Characters) of Madam Pomfrey’s Character Clinic Triathlon. Albus has been in love with Rose for years, but what happened with them when they were younger has put a dent in their relationship. It doesn’t help that Rose is actually in love with Scorpius, either. This is smutty too.
One More Night (Albus/Rose, Rose/Scorpius)
Companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart. This goes into more detail about Rose and Albus's changing relationship as well as the aftermath of the events in said companion story. Probably the smuttiest thing on my page. :D Written for the Great Hall Cotillion 2013.
This was written for the Great Hall-iday challenge for the Operation: Mistletoe prompt, and this was where my love for Loulily began.
This is about how five men in Potterverse dealt with remorse in different ways.
This poem is about how Remus feels about Sirius (not slashy, btw).
Written for the Magic in Music challenge over inPoetry, Anyone? This was set to the track “Obliviate” in DH1 and is about Hermione modifying her parents’ memories.
Written for the Goodbyechallenge in Poetry, Anyone? This was about saying goodbye, and how difficult it could be.
After All This Time
Written for the Deathly Hallows challenge inPoetry, Anyone?. I ship unrequited Snape/Lily, and this is probably the only time Snape will be on my author page, lol.
Written for the MC Kreacher challenge inPoetry, Anyone? This was written from the POV of Bill Weasley after his wife’s death.
Written for the Great Bannermakers’ Hallchallenge. The banner I picked had Merope Gaunt on it, and it’s probably my darkest story; it’s definitely the only one to have a dubious consent warning. It’s about, as you might guess, the abuse Merope suffered from her father and brother.
In Care (Marlene/OC)
Marlene McKinnon, as a care kid, eventually falls in love with another care kid, Jamal Olawumi. But he's a Muggle, and keeping her world secret proves difficult. This is definitely a story I would like to revisit and tidy up.
Just Across the Bar (Sirius/Rosmerta)
Sirius is just about of age, but obviously Rosmerta has misgivings about having feelings for Sirius, who is still a student. Written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion and also smutty.
Written for SPEW 007. My prompt was “Juggling”, and it’s just a silly piece of dialogue-only banter between Remus and Sirius. Sirius realises Remus likes Tonks, and he tries to persuade Remus to act on his feelings.
Hanging by a Thread (Katie/Oliver)
Written for the lovely Jess/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor for Secret SPEW VII. Katie is grieving and drowning her sorrows in alcohol and Oliver is trying his best to save Muggles, while trying also to bury feelings for Katie that he thought he had long since forgotten about. There is also, surprise surprise, some smut in this.
And that’s it! Along with being a moderator, I’m also a member of SPEWand SBBC. I hope to see you around on the forums; feel free to contact me via PM or review if you have any questions or comments about my stories!
This was really sweet, Sarah! (In case you're wondering, it's Soraya. I have a different username on the archives for no apparent reason :P)
I've read my fair share of Lily/James fics, and I have to say that you did very well in ignoring the usual cliches. After I started beta'ing Walking Fine Lines and you told me it's a sequel to this, I had to see what it was about. I'm very glad I did, because some things make a bit more sense to me right now after reading it.
The guessing game and generally, the banter between the Marauders was well done. I'm so, so glad you didn't make Peter cliched, because that is my number one pet peeve, let me tell you. The number of times I feel like screaming because of the insertion of Loser!Peter or not even including Peter is just ridiculous. So yeah, you did great in that. And Sirius' threat was just so funny. I doubt he would've really told Lily, if James refused, but then again, this is Sirius we're talking about here.
I like the way you described James' ego, as something that began as pride and manifested itself due to his successes, which happened one after the other. This is a very plausible explanation to what happened to James, because I always wonder if one is always arrogant or if one becomes arrogant over the course of time. I think that if the latter is the case, then you're far more likely to overcome the arrogance.
The change in James' demeanour in seventh year, when he was Head Boy, was well done. I think this was the point when the Marauders realised that it wasn't always about messing around and whatever, and that there was always a time and place for seriousness and pranks.
The fact that SWM was a turning point for James is very plausible, because I refuse to believe that after what happened near the lake, James would continue to ask Lily out, at every opportunity. (I think he still would've hexed Snape, though, and the fact that Lily stopped talking to Snape sort of helped, but anyway...)
I really liked the ending scene. It was very well written -- well, the whole thing was, but I liked the bit at the end the best -- and I liked how Lily wasn't suddenly all over him, completely out of nowhere. This oneshot was done very well and I'm glad I read it :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, Soraya! I'm glad you liked this. I wrote most of this years ago and decided to re-cycle it for the swap, and just stuck a bit on the end, so it's interesting you liked the ending best; it was a very last minute thing, so I'm happy it works! Thanks once again! Sarah x
Aww, that was so sad! It brought tears to my eyes! And I always thought that Hermione had had another baby--I'd always wondered why Harry and Ginny had three and Hermione and Ron only two. But in my story (it's more of a backstory, really, as it's Harry/Ginny) Hermione has a miscarriage. Both are awful, though. Thanks for writing. I really enjoyed this.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Soraya! Yes I had also wondered about Ron and Hermione having another baby... hence this story. Although I actually had the idea for the story before I picked which characters I would use, if that makes sense. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it and it moved you!
This is The Silver Doe from Deathly Hallows, but I felt it should be told from Snape's point of view... let me take you to the wintry Forest of Dean, when a mysterious silver doe leads Harry to the Sword of Gryffindor, and one leads Ron to Harry...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, J. K. Rowling does, and she gets all the money. I just have fun with it.
Wow, this was really good. I've always wondered what the Silver Doe chapter in DH was like from Snape's POV even though we do get a peak of it later on. Great story, lovely descriptions and a brilliant insight into Snape's mind.
Wow, that was good! I think you should continue this--Molly Weasley II isn't always a well-explored character in fanfiction. You wrote her really well, so kudos to you for that.
Author's Response: Thank you for the compliment. I may continue this as Molly as well as her twin Lucy and the Scamander twins aren't very prominent in fanfiction and I would like them to become so.
Wow, this was great! A lovely read on New Year's Eve--although I'm not sure what time it is in your time zone--and I really loved every part of this. Your Sirius was adorable.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya! Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and on New Year's Eve, too! :) I enjoyed writing it, especially Sirius, and had fun revisiting it. I really appreciate the review - Happy New Year! ~Gina :)
To the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem, join the Marauders on one of their monthly nights on the town.
This Song Poem won the Poetry Anyone Carol Challenge on the Beta Boards. Yay!
Wow!! This was great! The internal rhyming and everything was brilliant and I really liked how you based this on O Little Town Of Bethlehem! Happy New Year, Jess.
This was originally written for the Carol Challenge in the Poetry Anyone forum, so the pickings were slim as to which carols I could do which weren't already done by someone else. :)
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing as usual.
Aw, thanks for saying that my fics are mucho good! They're not, but I appreciate the compliment all the same! Anyway, I loved this piece, being an avid Harry/Ginny shipper myself. I never did think that they'd got back together straight away after the battle. This seems more realistic. Well done on your first fanfic, Jess.
Author's Response: Hey Saroya! Aha, you're very welcome! Thankyou again, for all your help and for the review :) -Jess
This was such a brilliant story, Benjamin, and I'm glad they've finally validated it! It was great beta'ing this fic--the vocabulary was fabulous, the darkness was there and it was imminent and both Barty Crouches were completely in character and they were 100% believable. I wish JKR wrote something like this because it really provides an insight into Barty Junior's life which we haven't seen before. I'm really looking forward to reading your next fic on the Longbottom torture fic--as bad as that sounds to say! Anyway, good luck with the rest of your fics. It was a pleasure to work with you!
Author's Response: Thank you so, so much! ^^ That was very, very encouraging! Especially seeing to the lack of feedback I've had so far on my BCJ fics. I consider this the best of my current fics because this is the only one-shot and I'm much better with one-shots than chaptered fis. (Though I'm also very pleased with my 2-chapter fic "The Destroying Angel" which is about how Junior joined the Death Eaters.) This site though is too strict for me to bother trying to get anything but the one-shots here. I'm very passionate with the Crouch family and very interested in the author's possible intent with them. I too wish she had written more in depthly about them, but then again, if she did it would leave me less to interpret and vision myself which I enjoy with all my heart. :P Anyway, because of that, I'm so happy to hear that someone feels I've captured the characters that well and that also the story itself is a success seeing to its genre! ^^ And the Longbottom tortue fic will be a one-shot and thus will be up here too. :) Thank you again!
That was great! The rhyming really worked, as did the rhythm and the flow and everything. The word choices were great too. I loved this poem--I don't come across that many Happy Birthday poems that are Harry Potter, and I'm glad you wrote this one and wrote it very well.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya - Thanks so much for reading this! I'm glad you enjoyed it and found everything worked. I remember it being a bit tricky to write a ballad in limerick form. It was tricky just rewriting the last stanza, lol. Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it! ~Gina :)
At last! I really like the last sentence--particularly as you had a lot of problems with it and everything--and I also really love the title. It was lovely beta'ing your work and I'd love to do it again.
One thing, though: isn't it complete already? Because the status on Mugglenet says that it's a WIP. Not that I mind--I can't wait to read more if there is more. And if there isn't, well done on a very well written oneshot.
Author's Response: Thank you and I was so glad to finally settle on a last sentence that I was ok with!! Well, I decided to make it a WIP because I started writing another one shot that I think would go really great with this one. Thanks again.
Nominated for the 2011 Best Poetry QSQ! Thanks, Gina/Gmariam!
Aw, that was great. Heartbreaking, sweet, descriptive, fabulously written--it's definitely a favourite for me. What I like the most about this poem is how you can put so much into it with so little words. When I write poetry I tend to be so verbose that sometimes I end up spoiling the rhythm of the whole thing, but you've captured it perfectly. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks, Soraya! I'm glad you liked it.
This is a really interesting and believable piece. I would imagine that it would be in DH, in Snape's memories. It was written very well, as per usual, Carole, and what I liked about this the most is that you tweaked something that got rejected the first time round and actually used the critique to change things. I have to admit, though, I never thought Snape was that good a flyer, but I can understand why you think so and it is very Snape-like to start flying only because Lily was impressed with James' flying. This was a fab oneshot, so well done!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The point about Snape is not only was he able to fly well enough to referee Harry's matches in the first year (and being the referee means you have to be able to keep up with all the action), but he was also able to fly sufficiently well in the Seven Potters scene, unlike, say, Hermione or Fleur. What the Mod was trying to impress upon me was that I shouldn't have just dismissed Snape's flying as 'dreadful'. I did amend that chapter to Lily saying something like 'He's not as bad now, he practised.' This story isn't compliant with Lions at all, by the way.
Anyway, that's a long-winded response, but thank you for the review ~Carole~
Wow! This was great! I really enjoyed reading this--you're a great poet. The rhyme scheme was unique and I loved the way you ended each stanza with the last two lines of the last stanza (if that makes any sense!). The rhythm was very good, the pace not too slow or fast. What Dumbledore said is very true as well. You did his words justice. Thank you very much for writing this poem as I simply adored it (as I do all deep poems like this one).
Author's Response: Thank you, Soraya! The rhyme scheme is unique, I agree - I definitely didn't come up with it; I had never even heard of it before they introduced it in this month's challenge in Poetry Anyone.
The pattern is A1, b, A2; a, b, A2; a, b, A1; a, b, A2; a, b, A1, A2. Rather confusing. Basically, you repeat the sentences A1 and A2 exactly, and the a sentences just need to rhyme with them, and the b sentences with each other. I hope you can't tell that I quite labored over this poem to make sure it met the pattern correctly. =P
This is brilliant! I'm a big fan of poems like this--someone else's that I reviewed (I think it was one of Gmariam's) was with this rhyme scheme too. The flow and word choice are great and I really enjoyed reading this. I think it's true, that Voldemort did enslave Draco's soul. Well done on a fab, fab poem!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. It was hard to write but very satisfying when I'd completed it. ~Carole~
Hi Carole! I seem to be getting into femmeslash lately, which is why my two SPEW reviews will be for slash stories — yours and Jess’s. I have to say, I loved this story. I mean, I love all your stories (there are only a few I haven’t read, and I will get round to reading them once exams are over) but this one is a special favourite. The best thing about it is that it fits in flawlessly with canon; it’s in character and it’s written so very well.
I'm never a fan of stories that start with dialogue. I don't know, I think I prefer description instead, and more importantly, most people tend to overdo dialogue beginnings or just do it completely wrong. But this one’s an exception, definitely, because there was just something really nice about how it started, with the dialogue, and how even though you mentioned the pairing in the summary, I was still wondering who the speakers were.
I'm also generally not a fan of stories set in GoF. But this was written so well, if I didn't know any better, I would’ve thought that this was actual canon, written by JKR herself. The fact that Hermione remained secretive about it was IC, as well as Lavender helping her with her hair. I've always thought one of the reasons Hermione’s hair is described as bushy is because she doesn’t really care about it or doesn’t know how to handle it, LOL. So I liked that it all started off with Lavender helping Hermione with her hair, especially as a thank-you.
I've never liked Lavender/Seamus. It’s always been so clichéd, and I really like how you turned that pairing around. (By the way, what on earth is a corsage? It was mentioned in a song in HSM3, but I don't know what it is :D) And the way you gave little hints of Lavender feeling attracted to Hermione, right from the beginning when Lavender liked the feeling of her hair, was really good. The way Hermione confided in Lavender about her first kiss was great — it was a nice parallel, having them both have their first kiss on the same night, and the backstory of Parvati with Hilaire was amusing in how clichéd Parvati seemed to describe her relationship as. Or, at least, how perfect it seemed. And I loved how Hermione’s girly side was explored in this, with the whole hair thing, and then the makeup thing. I mean, I hate makeup so I do know how Hermione must have felt, but even I wouldn’t mind someone putting makeup on me, and it would be nice to be taught how to as well :) And I would definitely be told not to take it up for a living, haha.
My favourite line, by far, was when Lavender found the lipstick on her cheek after kissing Hermione: “Don’t take this up for a living, Hermione.” That was just classic. And I liked how she referred to Pansy — I hate her too! I loved the reference to The Golden Boy, because I do think that the students would have been affected by Cedric’s death, and it was interesting that Lavender slept with Seamus as a way of drowning their sorrows and whatever. I have to say, I was mentally cheering when I read that Lavender broke up with Seamus.
If you don't mind me saying, I do think that the story is well-paced generally, but I think the middle section when you covered the events of OOTP were kind of brief. But I understand why — because of the plot. It didn't take anything away from the story, though. I just think you could have covered more in that time, maybe say something about Parvati’s backstory? I don't know, just it seemed the middle bit could do with a bit more. At the same time, I suppose there probably wasn’t much else to say.
The use of the Patronuses lesson was a great way to show how unhappy Lavender was, without saying it outright. I really liked that Lavender’s happiest memory was kissing Hermione, but even that wasn’t happy enough, because Lavender couldn’t be with her or anything. And I loved the little interlude in the hospital wing. Lavender showed she was considerate and everything, but I was wondering why Parvati didn't come along? Surely both of them cared about Hermione? Okay, obviously for Lavender it was to a bigger extent, but still, I think Parvati would want to visit her too. Just my opinion, of course.
I love the way the relationship develops. Hermione suddenly found that she needed Lavender, and I think that that was a great way to bring them closer after being pretty distant for most of the year. And I kind of feel like Hermione wasn’t lying when she said that Lavender was just there. I mean, she was attracted to her and vice versa, but I don't think Hermione would have been the one to initiate the kiss if she wasn’t feeling so vulnerable.
Finally, the best bit about this is that Lavender’s behaviour suddenly makes more sense. All this time, I thought she actually really liked Ron, but if it was a sneaky way of making Hermione jealous... I have to say, that is just genius. I'm not sure who to congratulate — you or Lavender! LOL. As a Romione shipper, while I do like this ship, I was glad that you stuck to canon until the very end, Carole, because I think Hermione probably isn’t gay, even in your story. I think it’s possible for her to just have been attracted to Lavender, and her attraction to Ron was stronger, I reckon. But that’s just the canon monster coming out :)
I really loved this story, Carole, and I’d like to see a sequel. Then again, you have so many WIPs at the moment that perhaps now’s not a great time to request? Thanks for writing, as always, because your stuff’s always brilliant to read in revision breaks.
Author's Response: Soraya, thank you for the lovely review.
Okay, a corsage is a flower like an orchid or something that the girl pins on her dress or wears around her wrist when she goes to a dance or prom type thing. The boy is supposed to buy it for her.
It's funny what you say about stories opening with dialogue because it is a style I probably overuse. I like it because it lands the reader directly into the action and I'm also not a huge fan of chunks of description at the beginning and tend to skip it (I am a very lazy reader)
I also quite like Seamus/Lavender but not as a happy-ever-after. It's more that I like the possibility of writing about young teenagers having some innocent fun. Although the fun here isn't innocent towards the end. Have you read The Golden Boy. Seamus side of that night is explored and it might make you feel a bit sadder for him. I wouldn;t want you to think that he in any way forced Lavender because it wasn't like that at all.
As far as a sequel goes, I really doubt it. In my canon, Lavender is with Blaise Zabini. She got together with him in their seventh year and they're still together when he's teaching at Hogwarts. I wrote this because Gina suggested the pairing when I was asking for a rare pair. Although I like the reasoning behind this because it stops Lavender being quite such a mush head over Ron, the relationship really doesn't work with my other stories so a sequel doesn't feature in my plans - Sorry. On the whole I do stick to canon - even with pairings that seem AU because I like tweaking Jo Rowlings world but not breaking it.
I didn't think about Parvati visiting Hermione in hospital, but my reasoning was that Lavender wanted to go alone and that it was a fairly impulsive thing. She brought her that rather ridiculous book, after all, whereas if she'd thought about it, she would have brought her something far more Hermione-ish.
Thank you very much for such a comprehensive review. I really do appreciate it. ~Carole~
Oops. Sorry, Carole, I should've made myself clearer -- I don't like how fanony the Seamus/Lavender pairing has become, that's what I meant. You did write it well and I did read Golden Boy. Jess wrote you a review on it and I was reviewing it for SPEW, so I thought it would be good to read the story too so that I could get a better idea on it. It was really good, The Golden Boy, and I didn't mean to insult Seamus. I know it wasn't a forced thing :) Sorry for not making myself clear on that.
Author's Response: Oh, no that's fine. I wasn't sure what you meant, that's all because Seamus in this story does come over as rather insensitive. I tend not to like Seamus/Lavender in fanon because they always seem to end up together and it seems unlikely. But I love both of them separately. I remember your review of Jess's review, now you mention it. ~Carole~
I really liked this! I usually hate Scorpius/Anyone but Rose but this, like Dust In The Wind, won me over, so kudos to you for that, Jess!
The thing I love about writing Scorpius is that, because Draco is his father, he can be characterised in a variety of ways. He could be an entitled git like Draco, a rebellious child because everyone hates his family, or the product of Draco wanting his son to be suited to the new world and hence not a bigoted wanker. Since I hardly ever do the first option, I decided to sic him on poor Molly, lol.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and have a good day/night/whatever. :)
On the day of Draco Malfoy's post-war trial for the conspiracy to murder Albus Dumbledore, one Harry James Potter offered to give testimony. But what did Draco's oldest enemy have to say about the boy who had caused him nothing but grief for seven years?
This story has been nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best General Story.
This was ludicrously well-written as per usual. I really like how you pointed out their similarities and everything because I've never noticed these similarities myself. What I thought was most effective was the fact that Draco and Harry didn't become best friends, which is one of those fanfiction cliches that I really hate. Harry is quite the speech-maker, isn't he? Nice one, Jess!
Well, when Harry ditched the dry, boring speech he'd memorised, he did far better, lol. Then again, it wasn't hard for him to list the things he hated about Draco Malfoy, since it's a long list.
I really think that Draco and Harry could find points of commonality and become more than civil some day, but not this quickly. Harry would still feel entitled to a bit of vengeance for seven years of douchebaggery on Draco's part, but he also felt like he owed Draco to keep him out of prison.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad you appreciated its irony. :)
I really liked the description of action in this piece. The memories at the beginning were effectively done and the end was especially emotional. However, I do think that the dialogue wasn't the best. It sounded a bit too proper, especially for Tonks, who's known for being casual generally in the way she speaks. Sometimes Remus' speech sounds a bit redundant.
I'll give you an example.
"I'm not letting Tonks come anywhere near you, Death Eater." Erm, nowhere in canon does it say anything about Remus (or anyone else for that matter) addressing a Death Eater as such. It makes it sound overly melodramatic for Remus. Also, I think by this point Remus is used to referring to Tonks as Dora (as officially I think she's Nymphadora Lupin, not Tonks). But that's not a big issue and I suppose it depends on your interpretation of their relationship.
The other thing that interested me was the use of the whole "greater good" thing. I was under the impression that only Harry and Ron and Hermione paid that much attention to Dumbledore's life when he was younger, not Tonks or Remus, and they certainly wouldn't have discussed it so...openly.
Overall, nitpicks aside, I did like this oneshot, so well done.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya! Thank you so much for your truly constructive review. I actually wrote this piece quite some time back, before I had completely polished my writing skills (and of course, there is always room for improvement). However, I can see what you mean by the redundancy present in the dialogue, and slight AU feel of it. When I wrote this around a year or two ago, I was thinking that driven by rage, Remus would tend to act in a way that we would not expect from him. Now that I look back on it, my logic seems completely flawed. As soon as I get time (which is difficult due to schoolwork), I will go back and polish the dialogue. It could be much better and I will most certainly take your advice. As for him referring to her as Tonks, well, that's how he knew her before they got married so it doesn't really seem like her maiden name.. just her name. That was just my interpretation of it:). Now, regarding the "for the greater good" usage in this story: that phrase may have resonated in Dumbledore and Grindelwald's plans, but they are not the only ones entitled to the use of this phrase, and I believe that as a general statement, it makes perfect sense to use it. After all, the greater good that they are discussing is sacrifices made for the purpose of defeating Voldemort. However, I am glad you addressed it; I was worried that it would seem rather out of place - I suppose I just couldn't help myself. Thank you once again for your really helpful review; I will refer to it whenever I get the chance to make edits. ~Maddy
Katrina, this is great! I was just browsing and I clicked on your profile, only to find that my username was on there, along with so many other better authors!! That means a lot, believe me. So I just had to review another one of your fics. I intended to do so anyway, but lately I've been quite busy with revision (*glares at Physics textbook*) so I haven't had the time.
So...on to the story! Firstly, I have a tiny, tiny nitpick.
"The girl who slides into books to hide from being bullied, who won’t let the tears who until she is alone."
I think you meant this:
"The girl who slides into books to hide from being bullied, who won’t let the tears show until she is alone."
But anyway, I really liked your use of second person. In Checkmate (I don't know if you're reading it, but it's my James/Lily WIP and my baby) the entire thing is written in third person except the epilogue. I wrote that in second person, and I have to say it sounded far better than in third person. And it was fics like yours which gave me the encouragement I needed to try something a little out of my comfort zone.
But I digress. Back to YOUR story. I really liked Tom's characterisation. The stages in his and Myrtle's relationship, from him simply being curious with her to begin with, to them being library buddies, to Tom being her confidante and finally, them being romantically linked a bit. The connection, the chemistry between Tom and Myrtle was so wonderfully executed. The dismissive way Tom referred to the other Slytherin girls was interesting and well done. That's actually quite an interesting observation to make -- Voldemort, weirdly, seemed to have less respect for the few female Death Eaters than he did for the males. Bellatrix, of course, is an exception. Having said that, I can't actually remember any other female Death Eaters, although I'm sure that my memory's just a bit blurred, since the last time I read DH was a while ago.
And while through the entire story, it seems like Tom, not Myrtle, wears the trousers in their relationship -- "With a single word, you could crush her" -- at the end of it, us readers get the shock of our lives, as we realise that Myrtle stole his heart. And it's so clear that Tom is resentful towards her, for all the wrong reasons, and I think it fits perfectly with canon, despite JKR saying that Voldemort couldn't have loved. Because the first Muggleborn murder was not necessarily an act of hatred -- if you ask me, it was a crime of passion. And that makes Voldemort's actions...not justifiable, but understandable.
What I liked the best about your story is the fact that it's so short and yet it conveys such an interesting insight in Tom's mind, one that seems to make him a little more humane than I initially thought. So thank you for writing this, thank you for saying that I'm an awesome author and above all, thank you for all of your lovely reviews on my oneshots.
Author's Response: Hi Soraya, Thanks for such a lovely review! I'm glad you appreciate me listing you on my page - I do think you're a great author, you definitely deserve your place there. Thanks for the nitpick... I'll fix that up now. I'm glad you liked the second person - I was a little nervous about how that would work, because while I love writing it, I don't think that many other people do. (I will get around to reading Checkmate, haven't quite got there yet.) I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Tom - I do find him a bit hard to write because I can't empathise with him. I think he would see the other Slytherin girls disparagingly because not believing in love doesn't necessarily make him unaware... plus it would prove to him how stupid love is. As their relationship develops, Tom realises how much power he has over her in this intimate relationship... and I think it's interesting you mention Bellatrix, because I see it that he pretends to be a bit like this with her (after all, she's always on about how she's the only one he confides in) and she believes him. So I think he learns here more how to control other people. I started thinking about this idea in "The Wrong Secret" (I can't remember if you've read that), because Voldemort didn't seem to make Horcruxes from random murders, they usually meant something to him (like killing the Riddles), so in this sotry, he had to kill her because she threatened everything he wanted and believd in. Thanks again for leaving such a detailed review! ~Katrina