I am a recent member of the Harry Potter fandom, but I have always had a passion for the written word, and I hope to fulfill it here. I live in a relatively boring corner of Idaho, and I like Kokanee and a good book!
So, I suppose you're wondering what's up with my username. Even if you're not, this is how that happened. No, I was not aspiring to be a Gryffindor. I can't think of any house to which I would belong less than Gryffindor, in fact. It was a moment of clarity that I got while I was battling with myself about whether I should want to be Sorted into Gryffindor to be like Harry or to be Sorted elsewhere and follow my own path. I thought it to be much like the contemplative scene in Hamlet when he weighed taking his own life. I'm not trying to be melodramatic. That's simply is what popped into my head when I was trying to sign up to leave a review. :D
Any questions or comments about my work? Please shoot me an email at: email@example.com — I'd love to hear from you!
Hmm, poor Tracey, being stalked by Roger's legacy, even after he was long gone.
She really seems to be adapting to the Slytherin lifestyle, which she's properly using to her advantage.
It is unfortunate that Susan took her words as callousness and mean-spiritedness, because I really think that Tracey was just trying to paint a picture of better things for her cousin, whi didn't take it like that at all.
And nobody to love? That supremely sucks for her, because she couldn't love her brother for all the misery and neglect he had caused for her, and her parents lost her favor because of their adulation of Roger and their omission of her own achievements. Hopefully, she finds someone with which to share her life, not just someone who has visions of Galleons dancing in their head.
Author's Response: Yes, Tracey is by now utterly Slytherin in her approach. You're right, she was genuinely trying to cheer Susan up; but a more empathic person would have recognised that talk about money was a ridiculous strategy. Tracey is not happy about what happened to Aunt Amelia (unlike, say, Millicent), but nor does she greatly care. As for whether she loves anyone... Nobody springs to her mind at present, but perhaps she's overlooking something or someone? Tracey is not yet evil, but she has reached the stage where her habits and her environment are making it increasingly difficult to change her course.
Ah, even though she's not one of the bad ones, Tracey is a true blue (er, green, I guess) Slytherin, because she managed to make a potions accident and a Muggle textbook turn her into a gazillionaire. Cunning and ingenuity were Salazar Slytherin's strengths and his love, which Tracey has proven to have in spades, so brilliant for her!
I really like how you made her friends with Theo, who I thought was not a bad guy, just a guy in a bad situation. I'm also really glad nothing bad happened to her family and she could finally get over her hangups about Roger and move on with her life.
In essence, her dislike of her brother ended up giving her everything she ever wanted, because that=her Slytherin sorting=the potions accident=finding out about the attack on the cobbler=her reading that chem book=Tracey making diamonds from almost nothing. Wow, that's a long equasion, lol.
Well, in closing, I think this was a very good story, and you brought life to a background character about whom most would not have given a second thought, and you did so brilliantly. Thanks for writing, and I hope you've got more stories cooking in your head.
Author's Response: Thank you for all your support throughout this story, Jess. Tracey knows where her real friends are, she has got over Roger and she's going to be rich - so I hope you think that's a happy ending. ~ I didn't think it was realistic to turn her into a saint, so she's still selfish, but she has chosen not to be evil. Same for Theo, of course - his coldness and selfishness were caused by his father's bad example, but now he's chosen to get over it and will be morally normal. ~ I think Tracey might have worked out the diamond formula even if she hadn't been propelled by her resentment of Roger and the influence of her Slytherin friends, but I've no idea HOW it would have happened. Her story would have been altogether different. Did you notice the only chapter in the story that did NOT contain the word "diamond"? That's a clue to how Tracey's mind was working all along! ~ I did wonder whether it was worth publishing this story, given that Tracey is neither a major HP character nor very admirable. Thank you for letting me know that it was the right thing to do. Best wishes, GhV
Ah, to be the forgotten child! It's always a painful ordeal to be the offspring that received less adulation and more of the short end of the stick.
Nice touch, by the way, putting her in the Harry Potter closet (even real estate agents call it that, now). There are remarkable parallels between her home life and Harry's when he lived with the Dursleys. I just hope her lot improves at school, as well, because I like her. :D
In terms of style, the first person seems very fitting for this piece, because it allows you so much room to outline her insecurities and perceived shortcomings so well, as you have done. I am looking forward to further chapters!
Author's Response: Thank you! And congratulations on being the first to review this story - I didn't think it would even be visible yet. You know, I didn't think of the "Harry Potter closet" parallel, but you are right. I wonder what my subconscious was doing? An important difference between Tracey and Harry is that her parents DO love her. They are just worn down with adult worries, such as money, and don't realise that they are overlooking her. The story is finished, so I hope to move the chapters through the queue quickly. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. GhV
Hmmm, I'm worried for Tracey, because Smith has always been a shady git, and if he hurts her, I'll kick him in his e-giblets!
Okay, enough of that, lol. How like Blaise and Draco to bet with people's feelings. I'm just glad that she found another date so it didn't make her look pathetic or anything. I may be reverting to my prior ill feelings toward Roger, but in that sense, I am mostly at your mercy!
Author's Response: Dear Jess, ~ Save your kicks; there's nothing more about Z Smith because he is definitely the wrong man for Tracey! ~ The full story of Draco and Blaise's bet is told in "Turning the Corner", which was the first HP novella I ever wrote. You can read there how many girls accepted Blaise's offer, and who finally won the Galleons. ~ Everything is against Tracey at this point: Roger, her fellow Slytherins and her own immaturity. So hold on for a steep slide down the moral precipice while we ask the all-important question: Can Tracey be redeemed? ~ Thanks for your support. Tracey will thank you if she grows up. Best wishes, GhV
Argh, poor Tracey. Her desire to stay in with the Slytherins is finally catching up to her, even forcing her to talk to Roger. It was good of him not to take the mickey out of her for even knowing about it.
Awesome chapter! Good work, and I eagerly await the rest.
Author's Response: Dear Jess, ~ Yes, Roger believes better safe than sorry where Voldy is concerned, but Tracey isn't quite ready to appreciate him for it. ~ He is completely desensitised to how she feels about him. A line that didn't make it to the final draft of this story is when Roger tells his friends, "Tracey's a little grouch but she wouldn't hurt a fly." And Tracey fumes that she could hurt twenty thousand flies if she felt like it but she doesn't usually feel like it because she's all sunshine when Roger isn't around to spoil things... ~ Anyway, she can't possibly want to stay in Slytherin at this stage... Can she...? ~ Thanks for reviewing, GhV
Ah, I love how you portray Tom Riddle in this light. The way you show his inner doubts about himself and his distaste for all things emotional is quite telling of a character that committed the ultimate acts of evil. The last line was so poignant to that effect.
In terms of grammar, etc (since this is a homework assignment):
"rawing out strength and praying on weakness" It should be 'preying'
"gifted with magical gifts beyond contemplation" You may want to change one of the uses of 'gift'.
I loved your intermittent use of second person. It made it seem, at least to me, that Tom was talking about himself, but he refused to openly contemplate love in a manner so personal as the first person. I don't know if you were going for that, but I got a little of that from it.
All in all, excellence abounds and it's definitely on par with your regular work, and I loved reading more about the ever-fascinating Tom Riddle.
PS-I loved the latent reference to Keeds, btw. :D
Author's Response: Can't have Tom without Keeds ;-)
She stares out across the great expanse of water.
He watches her longing gaze.
My final task for the 'Watching the Mirror' class on the beta boards.
Nominated in the 2010 Quicksilver Quill Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance.
Holy Hippogriffs, your imagery was so potent and passionate! I totally felt like I was there! There aren't quite the words in my vocabulary to describe the emotional upheaval I experienced while reading this piece. I'm not sure if you intended to do so, but wow (yep, that's the best word I can come up with)..
I have to confess, in the end, I was a little disappointed that Ginny ended up with Harry, because I always harbored the secret desire to see Hermione with him and not Ron. I guess it's because they complement each other rather than raise one another's hackles. I would probably have even preferred that he end up with a completely different girl, but every delicious fantasy cast Hermione as his leading lady. I confess myself almost scared to defy canon and put him with someone else, but you are braver than I, Miss Julia.
PS-"His thoughts became focussed again." Should be one 's'.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Jess! While I don't mind Ginny with Harry, I always loved the idea of Harry/Hermione. I, too, was a little scared to attempt a Harry/Hermione fic but I've always loved reading them (and there aren't that many written anymore) and thought that I'd throw all caution to the wind and just go with it. There's something so deliciously dangerous and non-canon about the pairing! Thank you for the review and for the little pointer there. I'm going to fix that up right away!
This is a delightful story. I always pictured Narcissa suffering in silent angst during Voldemort's extended stay in their home, as well as her being forced to conform to the carnal advances of those above her in the Dark Lord's favor.
I like how Lucius is caring about his wife, yet he still maintained his sense of being a PC Death Eater. It realizes my vision of him caring, just not enough to stop the madness before it started.
All in all, I think this is a fantastic imagery-based story, one I'll probably read again in the future.
PS-Just a small nitpick, because I'm just like that: 'Warming Charm' should be capitalized, I believe.
Author's Response: Hi Jess. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it because I've never written about the Malfoys as a couple - and never sympathetically. I shall look into Warming Charm because I'm not sure myself if it's a real spell. ~Carole~
Hmmm, interesting story. I've never really read Hr/D before, so this shall be a new experience for me. I would definitely be interested in the course of events during the war that have led them to this point. I shall stay tuned.
As for style and syntax, I find your word selection and structure to be excellent. It is almost as if we were in Hermione's head, feeling every blow, every sensation along with her. I appreciate that quality that is not often present, so thank you and happy writing!
Hmm, I am curious to whether we will be privy at some point of the backstory between Draco and Hermione. Do I think Draco meant any of those 'I love you's, no, but I do believe that Hermione thought they were sincere.
So far, great suspense going on here, and your language lends itself greatly to that. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and I think there may be additional Hr/D stories read my me, for I believe you changed my mind about the ship.
Ouch! I have to say, what a way to begin a story! Poor Hermione, she doesn't deserve such treatment. I hope everything turns out okay in the end, mostly because I'm a fluff shipper, lol.
I will definitely be on the lookout for more chapters. I shall stay tuned. Good beginning to your story.
"So many people say that they were pushed off that cliff; that they fell, or never saw it coming. I've been sitting here my entire life, taking pictures of the rocks I could hit on the way down. I suppose it's always been a choice and I've just been teetering here, waiting to decide. Turn around or jump?"
[dark one shot feat. Draco Malfoy]
Ooh, I heart D/A + Draco. It's like a keg of good beer that someone gives to you; you can't wait to tap it!
The imagery is so...real! It's like following Draco throughout the worst part of his life as we know it. I'm sure not only he amongst the Malfoys has considered hurling themselves off a cliff after the battle was lost. Not to mention, it's probably the only way to erase the life debt he owes to Harry, which I'm sure rankled to no end.
Your diction is very poignant and carefully chosen, and it shows. Ari is a lucky girl to get such a gift. :D
Great work and happy writing!
PS-Just noticed this, thought I'd point it out. I'm assuming it's supposed to be 'sand and', but not quite sure.
"As you push yourself up, the ground seems to be covered with and and stones"
Merlin's twisted knickers, you're brilliant! I just love how you can take something as random as a Snorkack, give it a backstory, and do so in such wonderful fashion. I really have no words for it. I do wish that you did more parodies, because you're a supreme talent at it. Bravo!
Grins and giggles,
gosh, I'm REALLY sorry that I haven't responded to your reviews earlier. I don't always get notification from mnff that one has arrived and I just logged in after a break to find I had 8 unanswered reviews ...
Wow, you really like your song parodies, don't you? Actually, I rather enjoy writing them :) It's an absolute gas matching an HP moment with a well-known hit and seeing what happens. Fortunately, I've been lucky so far in my song selection ...
This one was really a tribute to Luna. I think she would've enjoyed waltzing around Hogwarts belting this one out to anyone who'd listen! She's such a sweetie!
And so are you :) Thanks again for R & R-ing and making my day :)
Tough challenge indeed! I'm glad to see you had the good sense not to write a bloody novel, like I did.
As I know the bastard nature of these prompts, let me say that this is very well thought out - much more so than most of the rest, I'm sure. Finding a cure for lycanthropy is awesome, of course, but the journey itself was bitchin'. :D
I really loved how Teddy talked to him mum's picture and the flashbacks that showed why Lily was in such dire straits. It flowed pretty good (especially for a Gauntlet piece, hehe), and I really enjoyed reading it.
I hope one of us wins. Your story is pretty friggin good. :)
I really like this characterization of Pansy, because we, as fans, treat her rather mercilessly for trying to sell out Harry; even JKR is guilty of bastardizing the Slytherins to us by only outlining all of their mistakes.
It's easy to see how Pansy could be the way she was in the books with a beast of a mother like that. It makes a lot of sense, at least to me, that she would radiate these qualities, no matter how much she hated her mum. In a way, you actually characterized her mother as much as you did Pansy, but that works very well here, because in essence, Pansy started out like her mother until she took a good look into the mirror and realized that she was exactly what she hated in her mother. It's just a shame it took so long for her to notice.
I can see how Pansy could care for Draco, because I imagine he was only a mean little git to non-Slytherins, so he was most likely pretty good to her. She should have known, though, that the Dark Mark on his arm would spell the end for them as a couple, but truthfully, she's probably so worried about keeping up appearances that she didn't really stop to think about it until it was too late.
Well, anyhow, I really like this piece, and I hope Teacher gives you a gold star. Good luck! :)
Take care and happy writing,
Note: I spotted a couple typos, and since this is for a class, I figured you'd want to know. :)
I was sure that Mother could hear me, and this made ___ cry even more,
Missing a 'me,' I assume.
She nodded. "I still don't understand...it is hideous," she" said rudely.
Author's Response: Well i'm glad that you took to my characterization of Pansy, it was a worry because we know so little about her. You really seemed to get what i was trying to portray, especially the Draco situation. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thank you for your comment- believe it or not the comments are the best bit. Lauren :)
Though I've already read this (a few times, actually), I thought I should leave a review, just as a congratulatory present, as well as a thank you gift for teaching me the finer points of the 'Track Changes' function.
I really liked your premise for the story, though it would have been awesome times twelve if I knew how Bill met/got in contact with Beatriz in the first place, but I'm sure you'll share. :)
One of the parts that I enjoyed the most was the attack of Bill's conscience, which was a gigantic factor in this story. Without it, none of it would have ever happened. Not only would his parents still feel rotten about not being able to give him the gift of a trip to Brasil, he would have never made amends with his former penpal/first crush, which would have, IMO, thrown him out of character.
I always saw Bill as edgy, but a bit of all right. He cares deeply for his family, but just like every kid his age when he got his last letter from Beatriz, he says/does stupid and insensitive things. Those of us who love our characters tend to (and wrongly so) skip those traits in favor of more admirable ones, but I love that you didn't.
Yay for Portuguese being so similar to Spanish! I could read through all the Portuguese sequences without missing a beat, and not just because I already knew what they said, lol. I like her mama a lot, especially her derision at Beatriz cursing Bill.
Well, that's all for now, and I should SO not still be awake. So consider this my official *squee*, and I look forward to your next piece.
Luv ya bunches, and as always, happy writing!
Author's Response: Lol to the Track Changes part.
Yes, ahem, about how Bill and Beatriz met - I have no effing clue as of now. I didn't think much of it because it really wasn't important to my one-shot, but I knew I'd have to deal with it later on.
Bill seemed too perfect for me (though I am not pointing fingers at Rowling), but that incident always nagged me. How do you think a teenager would receive an incident like that? I've been one, and shortage of money can be a bit daunting when you're of any age, but somehow it cuts you deeper when you're a teenager. So, yes, that was why I chose that topic over others for the final task.
Apart from that, Bill seemed to understand Ron so well. Something had to be there. Plus, how could I end it without him making up with Beatriz? hehe.
I have to thank you again for the Portuguese, though. I mean, if you hadn't noticed that mishap with BabelFish, I'd have had been murdered by a real Portuguese.
Love ya lots!
I've been meaning to read this for a while now, and I adore how you utilized the prompts. Instead of thinking of anything so clever, I drug poor James across the whole planet, but you, ever the Draco expert, made him go to exotic places without even setting foot in a single one! I LOVE the ending...it's so very Malfoy.
Harry is so freaking gullible, it's great. He was even starting to warm to Draco (which, I admit, gives me warm fuzzies), but it was all a neatly-crafted, very in character, Malfoy fabrication.
Very well done. Good luck in the judging. :)
I've been meaning to read this for a while, but with my current logjam of things I have yet to write, it sort of slipped by the wayside.
Wow! I mean, this is a very intense story. The themes and concepts are new and terrible (not the bad kind, well, yeah, the bad kind... >.> you know what I mean), but they're not implausible. People do hideous things to one another without magic; imagine what they can do with the assistance of magic. The possibilities are startling.
I have to admit that it's not easy to swallow Goyle doing that at first. Sure, he has just been traumatized and will probably go to prison for what he did while at Hogwarts, but it was marked in the Fiendfyre scene that it was Crabbe who was the cruel and violent one. Personally, I always thought that Crabbe and Goyle were a 'thing', so the death of his best 'friend' could send him over the edge. What saved it for me was him describing the Fiendfyre eating at his flesh. That he believed her responsible, even though it was his own dumbass friend that cast the curse, could definitely drive him to violate her magically and physically.
I read all the other reviews before I read the story, and I don't see how it could seem at all implausible that she could bash him over the head and kill him in a primal way. Obviously, whoever thinks that it's not possible has never been attacked by anyone before. It's not fun, and it's terrifying. Would I kill someone with a rock like she did in that situation? Fuck yeah, I would. No hesitation. And profanity for an exclamation point!
The scene with Draco was interesting. At this point, I'm sure that Draco is not half the entitled bastard that he was pre-HBP. I sort of picture him rolling up his sleeve to expose his Dark Mark and say something like, "You don't believe I would do anything for my family? This is what I'll do for family!" I suppose I drink the Reformed!Draco kool-aid, but if he was really that desperate to not go to prison (and face it, who wouldn't be?), I do see him crossing one last line to get what he wants. Yet again, I had questions at first, but you answered them further in the story. Well done.
And the last part is probably the best. Hermione was so happy with herself in that split second, but it hit her that she had just done something terrible and covered it up by doing something nearly as reprehensible. And it all had happened in a few minutes. It's a trap (title reference...yeah!) into which anyone could fall, and Hermione is deliciously imperfect. I don't begrudge her at all what she did, as I probably would have killed Goyle, burnt the body, toasted marshmallows over the flames and pissed on the ashes. But she's of a different moral ilk than me, so her guilt and shame was extraordinarily fitting. She was supposed to be one of the good guys, but...awesome!
Great read, and shame on me for not reading it sooner! Take care and happy writing,
Normally, I steer (very) clear of poetry, as I don't particularly understand its appeal or the hidden meanings that are supposed to be in it (Emily Dickenson be damned, nothing but the original EMO chick). But, as YOU wrote this, I read it anyway, and I have to say, I actually like it. It may have something to do with knowing what it's actually about and not some vague subject that nobody can figure out, but yeah...
The imagery of Harry's internal struggles is pretty powerful, which concisely outlines the way he takes everyone's pain, everyone's suffering, on himself, as if it was somehow his fault, all the while battling the growing intensity of the connection with Voldemort's conscious mind. The way you captured the burdens of his mind is pretty wicked.
Yay for you, writing a poem that I like. :D
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Jess. I've only just got back into writing poetry having written some truly dreadful love poetry in the past. Glad you enjoyed it.
Er, I don't know how I never noticed this story in the queue when it came out, considering I normally watch for Harmony like a hawk.
Lyss, this was lovely. You managed to take canon events and give them a slight, what-if-this-happened-instead push, thus creating a little pocket of AU inside of established events. It's a lovely idea, one which I would have adored, had it happened in the series, but it was nice to see such a neat little snippet of what might have been.
I don't hide the fact that second person really isn't my thing, mainly because of the overload of the word 'you', just as the word 'I' drives me nuts about first person, butyou do well with it. Most novice 2nd person writers will begin every.damned.sentence. with 'you', but you thankfully keep it fresh and enticing. The focus is on the story, not the pronouns. Thank you for that. :)
All in all, this was a wonderful drabble-come-one-shot. I'm glad I decided to stalk the SBBCer story thread, because that led me to this story. :D
Take care and happy writing,