- between the ages of 0 and 21.
- an American
- a girl
- married to Teddy Lupin
- afraid of commas
I am not:
- JK Rowling
- tired of Harry Potter
- a moose (or any other forest animal)
- divorcing any time soon
Check out my stories - if you dare :).
Summary: Allow the infamous Mrs Zabini to give you a peek into her mind.Adapted from my drabble, Her First Kill, written for Brawl Round 4. DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling.
I must say, I really did enjoy this story – as dark as it may be. I remember really enjoying this when it was in its infant drabble form during the brawl. Mrs. Zabini is an extremely interesting character, and the way you’ve characterized her makes her even more shrouded in mystery. I feel like the true feat of this story, however, is the way you’ve made her into a more dimensional character by giving her a trauma behind her actions. This was perhaps the crux of the story, as it showed the reason this young, lonely girl suddenly turned so violent.
The narration of this story was well-written. It was different, not as telling as a confessing tone yet more personal than a simple first-person narrative. I felt like this was really established in this line: You may think what you wish; I cannot stop you from drawing your own conclusions. Here, as the reader I was able to get the sense that Mrs. Zabini wasn’t going to be telling the entire story, that it would be left up to the reader to string together the insinuations. I thought the line after the one above was a little redundant, in that it didn’t add any new information, making it the slightest bit confusing. However I don’t feel like this detracted from the story and pointing it out is a little harsh, so I won’t dwell on that. The tone and style you have developed from the chosen narration was effective in that it flowed like a conversation, yet was silent about just enough to keep the reader intrigued. When writing a story, I sometimes feel that the style of narration just happens and isn’t necessarily chosen, and that’s what it seemed like here – this narration is just so fitting for Mrs. Zabini. The uniqueness was there but not overbearing, subtly folded in the mysterious story of Sesen Zabini.
What a character you have filled out! In the beginning, she sounds calculating and teasing, as though she has no regrets over killing her husbands – that is, if she did kill them – and wants to keep the readers guessing. At first she is simply lonely, telling the audience just enough to keep them interested in her and only her for the duration of the story. Then, as though she’s striving for some sort of deeper connection with someone – anyone – she tells the story of Demeke. Through your writing in that section, we learn so much more about Sesen than she probably wants us to know. She was unloved, or loved less so than her sisters. It’s suggested that her parents didn’t have a happy marriage through the mention of her half-brothers; perhaps, she never expected that any marriage could be happy and therefore has no qualms over the murder of her husbands because she expects their brief happiness won’t last anyway. Briefly, you give the reader so many hints as to the troubled girl she must have been, before building up to the event that pushed her over the edge and eventually caused her to be the person she is at the time of narration.
Assault is always something that should be treated delicately, because it is something that is so easily over-the-top or mishandled. I thought you did this very well; the scene had the proper amount of disgust and violation without Sesen getting out of character and telling too much detail. Your way of describing her feelings was just wonderful, particularly in these lines: I still remember what it had really felt like – a mass of blubbery flesh forcing itself against my mouth. It made me feel ugly and alien. If the reader didn’t feel sympathy towards Sesen Zabini’s loneliness as a child, they certainly would feel it here. It makes it all the more tragic when you’re able to realize that she had no one to turn to except herself, which definitely gives her the motive for taking matters into her own hands.
The entire story was written so carefully and so well. Though the reader gets the heavy impression that Mrs. Zabini has killed all of her husbands – and you’ve given her proper motive to do so – it is never stated directly. She never even says directly that she killed Demeke, though I think that is the one murder that she is willing to let the audience know about. You’ve made such an interesting, dangerous, and intimidating character, but she is still someone we can sympathize with at least partially for the misfortune in her early childhood.
This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, Natalie. You really are a brilliant writer.
Author's Response: Will you ever forgive me for this? :/
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is the Seeker for Slytherin. Not only that, he's the best Seeker at Hogwarts, and it's his catches that win matches. But this year things are different; Albus Potter has switched to Chaser and the new Gryffindor Seeker is his annoying little sister.
This is the story of how one match and one missed catch can change your life.
This story was accidentally deleted, so is being resubmitted ... very very quickly.
SQUEEEEE! High won the Best Next Generation QSQ award. Thank you so much for the everyone who has helped, either by beta'ing or encouraging me.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I'm not sure who I am at the moment, but there must be some Arthur Weasley blood in me.
Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for doing the vast majority of the beta work on this, and Apurva for work on the early chapters
Squish for Natalie, Jess, Kara and Bob for helping me sort this out.
Due to an archive hissy fit regarding any story with a rating about 3rd-5th, I have temporarily lowered the rating on this story. However, I have NOT changed the content. This story is still a 6th-7th. You click at your own risk.
There are never any words for Teddy Lupin :D. I do like him and Victoire together by the way - she's the second best option, and they are one of my OTPs after all…
This chapter was lovely; I love the line about how Scorpius and Andromeda are kind of alike, and that's why she's helping him out. And I love watching the rest of the Potter/Weasley family bonding with Scorpius with Quidditch, and Molly's hugging him was such a fantastic scene.
Author's Response: Thank youuuuuuuuuu. I think I'm starting to fall for him more and more. I am pleased you liked Molly hugging him. I think that although she can be a bit prejudiced at times, she has a very soft heart and loves mothering waifs and strays. I was a bit worried about that bit, though, but kept it in 'cause I liked it. ta again. ~Carole~
I remember when I first read this chapter. It's an absolutely gorgeous start to the most refreshing Lily/Scorp I have ever read. I am eternally grateful you did not keep this as a one-shot because I would have cried.
Author's Response: Looking back, I wonder how I could have thought about keeping this as a oneshot. It's obsessed me as much as Lavender, blue did - and that's saying something. Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it enough to continue. ~Carole~
I heart Teddy in this chapter. Really, I want to marry him the way you write him. Anyways, aside from that -- I really like the fail of a guise that the Cootes thing turns out to be. It was a great way to show what kind of person Teddy is, with how quickly he accepts Scorpius and Lily's relationship. Okay I'll stop now. Everything I say is going to turn back to Teddy in some way.
Author's Response: Teddy is cool. I love him - especially with black hair. *sigh*
I know that canonically Astoria is only two years younger than Malfoy but I want to accept your way as the *real* canon because the way you write them is darling. Especially Astoria, I still dislike Draco (even though, GASP, we're in the same house..).
And even though Scorpius is a bit rude at the end I still love that scene. I love how important Lily is to him now.
Author's Response: I'd always had this idea that she was a lot younger and not at school with them all because I kind of wanted Draco to know what love was. Not sure why, he's still a ferret - ha ha. He is a bit rude at the end - mwahahahahaha - he's not a Malfoy for nothing. ~Carole~
Dang. I want Scorpius as my tutor ;).
I remember reading this chapter and being so mad at Harry for pointing out Scorpius's Auror application and so angry with Lily for believing him. That is one heck of a cliff-hanger.
Off to read the next one…even though I know what happens next. I can't seem to leave this little issue unresolved.
Author's Response: hee hee. Thank you very much for all your reviews. I don;t think Scorpius would tutor anyone but Lily, mond you. ~Carole~
I love Scorpius because he says exactly what the b!tchy part of me wants him to say, even though I know Lily being angry with him isn't her fault.
I love Teddy because he listens (plus he's hot).
And I LOVE Lavender and Blaise because before High, Lavender Blue was my absolute favorite fic of yours and I love seeing them together years and years later.
So, I've come to the conclusion that you write characters extremely well and bring them to life so they feel like real people and not like random letters clumped together on a page.
Author's Response: I love you. Thank you, thatnk you, thank you, for this review. I think High has a very similar feel to Lavender, blue which is why it is one of my personal favourites. Plus I've nearly finished and I can't get my head around that. Nooooooo. Scorpius/Lily FTW! Oh, and Teddy, yeah, totally hot.
Heloise makes me disgusted and Albus makes me angry.
I love Lavender in the beginning, haha - the way she deals out relationship advice is hilarious but so true. I'm so happy to see more of her and Blaise.
The ending of this chapter is so wonderful, even though it's not entirely wonderful because Cootes is a git. But Lily's stubbornness has finally worn off, at least in this instance.
Lovely chapter, Carole. I'd forgotten how much I loved this story.
Author's Response: Heloise is a bit like an early version of Lavender - ha ha - perhaps I should salvage her, as well. Actually, I dislike her. She's annoying. Cootes is ... ugh ... a twat. I didlkie him as well, but I suppose he thought Lily had ... nah, no excuse. Hex him! Thank you ~Carole~
Oooh another cliffhanger!
This is one of my favorite chapters. I love the interactions between Scorpius and Professor Goldstein and Hugo and Lily…just wonderful. And the writing is amazing as well, but that's usual for you :)
Author's Response: I like Goldstein too. Well I like writing him. I think I share Lily's opinion that he's a waffler and I wouldn;t be able to understand him. ~Carole~
I have to admit I never noticed the Hyperion/Luna allusion until I read this chapter (the first time of course, not today :)). It cements the Scorpius/Lily pairing in my head even more strongly. They really were meant to be together…
I also think you've created a masterpiece with your characterization of Ariadne. She's so wonderfully hate-able. I don't see her as much in the later chapters so it's a great refresher to realize just how horrible she is. :)
Author's Response: She is vile. I dislike Ariadne, but there is a reason behind her nastiness - it's not a justification, but just so you know, there is a reason. Mwahahahahahaha - I don't think even Nat has read that yet. Thank you for reviewing. Oh, yeah, Luna/Hyperion - another reason why they are meant to be. ~Carole~
Oh, Benedict is such a darling.
I think I said this before but in the other reviews that were deleted so I'll say it again because I think it's a good point: What I think really attests to your amazing writing skill is that you make me actually, thoroughly dislike the Potter boys in this chapter. I think it goes down to your ability to write the whole character and not just one side of them, and here you've written the side that most people (including me) tend to forget...
Author's Response: Thank you for this review. Of course, the Potters and Weasleys are seen through Scorpius' eyes, and he is prejudiced, but in the books I do think the Weasley's (except Arthur) are a pretty prejudiced bunch. They come round eventually, but they still have a lot of preconceptions. I also hope that Lily's feelings about her family show that they're not such a horrid bunch! ~Carole~
Aw, a sweet moment between the two future brother-in-laws. How cute!
Guess what I loved most about this chapter? I'll give you a hint, his name starts with a T and ends in an -eddy. That's all I'm mentioning of that lovely boy here because otherwise it will take up the entire review.
Anyways, stupid Narcissa. And extra stupid Ariadne. She is so, so superbly awful. She's my favorite character to hate in this fic.
Author's Response: TEDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I like him with black hair best :)
Oooh and the plot thickens!
I love the Slytherin winning game and I love Scorpius's inspirational speech. Vaisey is growing on me, but not by much. I do feel sorry he has to put up with Ariadne all day (whoops I just typed in 'Ariana' and had to change that…I wonder what that saying?!).
Haha, anyway lovely chapter and I'm off to read the next because I can :)
Author's Response: Youlove Slytherin because you are one now. Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Ha ha - I hope you aren;t like Ariadne. As Scorpius says 'she's vile'
I love the Lavender/Blaise subplot just as much as I love the actual Scorpius/Lily relationship. And I'm so happy they're finally getting their baby, yay!
I do not like Ginny. Yes, I know she has actual reasons for hating Scorpius's grandfather but I'm not good at seeing things from other people's perspective. And poor Scorpius when he finds out…I'm scared to read the next chapter. EEP! But I will anyway.
Author's Response: BABY ZABINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. He/she is on its way (yay). Ha, I know you know the sex of the baby, but you don;t know the name yet. Mwahahahahahahahaha (I know this is going to be a huge disappointment when it's finally revealed *sigh*) Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Scorpius had better give in to his base-urges soon … please?
I thought this was going to be the chapter where he goes and talks to his grandfather but it's the next one…shows just how chronologically challenged I am :).
Author's Response: Ummmmmm.................... few more chapters and then he might give in. Mwahahahahahaha
Poor Scorpius :(. I really really hate Draco, and I'm thanking god for Astoria. She's the only sane one in that house of madmen (and women, as Narcissa is a cow).
I love how Lily comforts him in this chapter, instead of vice versa as it was with Cootes many chapters back. I just love their relationship and the way you write it is spectacularly breathtakingly gorgeous .
Author's Response: I like Astoria, but um ... OOh I won;t spoil. Mwahahahahahaha. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Poor Scorp is used and abused in this chapter. Reading it the first time I worried that this was going to end up causing another stalemate in his and Lily's relationship so the ending of this chapter made me smile. It did this time, too :)
Author's Response: I didn't want to cause too many rifts in their relationship because otherwise it gets a bit samey. There is a rift but it's a small one, and Scorp gets some sense knocked into him. Thank you for reviewing. ~Carole~
He was Seamus for a good half an hour, but then Professor Zabini walked in, and that name never appeared again
My favorite line of the story, lol. It definitely made me laugh.
Despite what that ninny Narcissa says, I liked Scorpius's speech very much. I think it was the most honest thing he could have said, especially because of what had happened as of late.
Andromeda is a dear. Teddy is…geez, I heart that man so much.
Author's Response: Teddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Yes, I think he's rapidly climbing up my fictional bf list. Thank youuuu ~Carole~
Yay! I didn't realize a new chapter had been put up until after I reviewed ch. 16. I resisted the urge to read this on LJ because I wanted to give myself something to look forward to :).
I love Fred in this chapter; he's hilarious! And I think you've characterized him well, I always see him being written in generally the same mold so it was fresh to read him as this con-artist, as Lily puts it. Plus I love Teddy, even though there's only a note from him in this chapter. I just love him :).
But the ending…NOOOOOOO! Scorpius! GET BACK IN THERE!
Can't wait for the next one! No, literally, I CAN'T wait. I need it now.
Author's Response: I was thinking about making Fred very different from his dad, but decided on this idea because I think the other Weasleys all seem a bit stern. Fred is a much lighter character, but the lack of Quidditch makes him not a clone of the twins. Thank you so much for all your reviews and I'm glad you liked Freddie. ~Carole~
I was so excited to see that this was the first story modded after the closure. I was missing my High fix :).
This chapter was so lovely. I really like the name for the baby; it fits so well and doesn't sound overly modern or anything…it's a very timeless name.
I was also so happy that Albus and Scorpius are getting to be better friends, and I like their interactions with each other -especially when Scorpius is teasing Albus about the Unspeakables.
The ending was absolutely fabulous! I love the addition of the prefects' bathroom rota…ha ha ha. This scene definitely exceeded my expectations.
Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Well, Blaise was after the dad, Thaddeus is Lavender's dad (Blaise has no real idea who his dad is - ha ha ), and Alexander is ... um ... well, it is an old and timeless name but also the name of this gardener I know who was how I imagined Blaise - ha ha. Thank you for the review. ~Carole~