Penname: Padfoot11333 [Contact]
Real name: Lily
Member Since: 01/15/11
Website: nicholasmiller.tk
Beta-reader: Yes
Status: Administrator
Bio:
I am Lily! I like flowers and intersectional feminism. And writing pointless stories about minor characters.

Find me elsewhere!

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Reviews by Padfoot11333
 

Never Forgiven, Never Forgotten by savvy33
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: Ginny is forced to choose between her husband and lover. Will she choose the Lion or the Snake?

*H/G, D/G* *One-Shot*

Categories: Draco/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1892 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/26/11 Updated: 06/28/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/19/11 Title: Chapter 1: Never Forgiven, Never Forgotten

Hi :)

I hope you like constructive criticism:

Yay finally another Draco/Ginny fan, lol. I love this pairing, but it takes a lot to make it work, and at times during this one shot, that didn't exactly happen.

Harry, Ginny and Draco all seem a little out of character at times during this fic. I don't see Harry giving such an ultimatum like that, or Ginny crying so much (even during a time like this), or Draco being so...loving and warm.

You would have to have a lot leading up to this, and I think you could do it, but there's just not enough in this oneshot.

I did like it though. I just think it would fit a lot better as a chaptered fic :D

~Lily

 

Her by Free_Elf
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Past Featured Story

Ron is trapped in his grief for Hermione, killed on the Horcrux hunt so many years ago. His memories take over as he goes through the same repetitive motions until he is lost in his emotions.

Post DH, AU, implied R/Hr. Character death.

Nominated in the 2012 Quicksilver Quills for Best Alternate Universe



Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mild Profanity

Word count: 1862 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/21/11 Updated: 08/25/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 09/26/12 Title: Chapter 1: Her

OH, Bec, I can't believe I haven't read this before now because this? This is FABULOUS.

I don't know if I've ever read an AU where Hermione has died rather than Ron or Harry (mostly because AU is a dark and scary place) but you did it so well. I totally believed the entire thing, and I don't often buy the premises of AU stories. I loved what Ron is doing. It's not just that, hey, I'm bored, let's think about how Hermione died. It's something much much deeper than that.

The last paragraph. Oh my Salazar, that last paragraph was amazing. It stayed with me for ages after I first read it. I think a last paragraph or even a last sentence can sometimes be the most important part of a fic, and you did that wonderfully.

Anyway this is by no means a SPEW review, but I really enjoyed the story, and good luck in QSQs! :)

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Wow, thank you Lily! I've been surprised quite how people do seem to find this believable, considering it is AU, and a rather unusual AU at that, with Hermione dying. Regarding Ron, I think a lot of what he does is much deeper that what people credit him with. Despite Hermione's "emotional range of a teaspoon" comment, Ron has a lot of complicated motivations and reasons behind what he does, which I think is what makes him a difficult character to write. I agree, often the ending of a piece can make or break it, so it's good to know that this one worked for you! So glad you enjoyed it, and thank you again :)

 

High by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 233]

Summary: Past Featured StoryScorpius Malfoy is the Seeker for Slytherin. Not only that, he's the best Seeker at Hogwarts, and it's his catches that win matches. But this year things are different; Albus Potter has switched to Chaser and the new Gryffindor Seeker is his annoying little sister.

This is the story of how one match and one missed catch can change your life.

This story was accidentally deleted, so is being resubmitted ... very very quickly.

SQUEEEEE! High won the Best Next Generation QSQ award. Thank you so much for the everyone who has helped, either by beta'ing or encouraging me.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I'm not sure who I am at the moment, but there must be some Arthur Weasley blood in me.

Thank you Natalie (hestiajones) for doing the vast majority of the beta work on this, and Apurva for work on the early chapters

Squish for Natalie, Jess, Kara and Bob for helping me sort this out.

Due to an archive hissy fit regarding any story with a rating about 3rd-5th, I have temporarily lowered the rating on this story. However, I have NOT changed the content. This story is still a 6th-7th. You click at your own risk.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 135569 Chapters: 22 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/04/11 Updated: 01/14/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/21/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 -Flying High

Me? Not have read High yet? Nah...

I do like this, though. Something tells me the next 20 chapters are going to go by too fast, Carole...

~Lily

Author's Response: Ha ha - Thank you, Lily. I hope you enjoy this. At times it goes as fast as Scorpius' Firebolt X but he does slow down to catch his breath (and maybe Lily) ~Carole~

 

Albus Severus Potter by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary:

Different:



Different

I hear it from everyone,

I'm not who they say I should be

I'm Different, I'm me



Why?



The Slytherin,

The smart one,

The best seeker,

You had it all!

Even a girl who loved you,

So why'd you do it?



Too Late:



I've been pushed too far

The tornado's sucked me in,

and I doubt I'll ever see the light



My Fault:



Every time something happened

You were my shoulder to cry on

Now I'm crying about you

Something I've only done once



Too Special:



You always told me

"Life is like Quidditch,

You play for the thrill."

One of the thousand things

You taught me


Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 1480 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/16/11 Updated: 09/19/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 11/08/11 Title: Chapter 1: Poems:

Hi Ellie! I really liked these, and I'm pretty surprised I'm the first to review as these are really good! You are one of the better people at doing free verse (because I'm terrible at it, and you hate rhymes, so you kind of have to do free verse).

Having said that, though,there were quite a few issues with rhythm throughout the poems.

Ripped apart by your death
I've scattered to the winds,
Sobbing on the ground
And dad can't sow me together
Mum can't
James can't
Only you can, Al


(This is my favorite line out of all the poems, so I'll use it as an example). Read this aloud. The first four lines sound fine. They fit together...yeah. Then the rhythm is thrown totally off by “Mum can’t. Dad can’t. Only you can, Al.” I really do understand that free verse isn’t supposed to have a per sey, “regular” rhythm, but it sounded weird to have the first four lines in rhythm and the next three out of sync.

One of the other things that I really liked about these poems was in “Different.” The way that you capitalised the word different really made it stand out for me in the first verse, like it was really important but not necessarily in a good way. You did the same thing with “Pain,” and that really stood out for me.

I also really liked that most of the poems were told from James’s perspective and not Albus’s, but it was still very obvious who and what the poems are about. Being the Tori Amos fan that I am, I maybe read a little too much into the poems, but I’m (pretty) sure that people could still tell what it was about.

Anyway, other than the rhythms and a few grammatical errors there was only one other thing that I found weird. Some of the words you used didn’t make sense in context to the poem (like using “Jamie” in Pain, I found that strange) but other than that, I didn’t see anything extremely messed up with the poems!

I really liked reading this, Ellie, and really can’t wait until you post another poem on the boards :)

~Lily~

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much for the review. I am in shock (and awe) of the in depth-ness of it. It's the longest I've gotten! For that, thank you so much. Yeah, sometimes my rhythm gets kind of funky. I'll look into that, and be sure to refer back to this review. I'll also check grammatically and word choice, but I'm not entirely sure what poem "Pain" is. Is it the one where Al jumps? Thank you so much for the ah-mazing review! Hopefully November produces more queue-worthy poems. *Ellie*

 

Second Guesses by Acacia Carter
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 54]

Summary: Past Featured StoryNeville has got quite enough to be getting on with already, thank you very much, and this... situation with Luna is not making things any easier.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 59949 Chapters: 18 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/14/11 Updated: 02/29/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/18/11 Title: Chapter 7: Snowfall

Heya.

Figured I'd leave a shiny review for you before I go off to start beta-ing, lol.

I do like this, I love your characterisations, and often that can make a story for me :D Honestly, I can't wait to read the next four chapters.,.yay! One of the best things about being a beta is that you get to read a story before other people, hehehe.

~Lily

 

Harry's First Halloween by lucca4
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary:

It's Harry's first Halloween, but the raging thunderstorm prevents an overly eager Lily from taking him out to trick-or-treat. Instead, she, James, and Sirius spend one of their last carefree moments together.


.·ˆ¯)...(¯ˆ·.
¸.·ˆˆˆ(ºvº)ˆˆˆ·.¸
m m

Happy Halloween, MNFF!


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 1467 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/31/11 Updated: 11/02/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 11/05/11 Title: Chapter 1: 31 October 1980

Hi. I've never read any of your work before ?(have you written any) so I didn't really know what to expect, but I was really pleased by what I read :)

The only problem I had with this story was the mention that James could not hold his drink. I didn't find that exactly true, because I always imagined James being the one sneaking out to go get Rosmerta's mead and drinking the whole bottle (I could be wrong though).

I really did enjoy this fic, though, and the spelling and grammar problems were minimal. I haven't read anything on MNFF in a while, actually, and this was a good 're entry' into the world of fanfic. ;)

-Lily

Author's Response: I have written other fics, and this is by no means my best (you should check out my author page, ha ha). It's much more lighthearted and normal than what I usually write. Thank you for reviewing! xx Ariana

 

Happily Ever After by welshdevondragon
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Vivien Nott, Paris and Theodore Nott’s adopted daughter, is at Hogwarts at the same time as Petra and Ernie Macmillan’s son, Augustus Macmillan. They know of each other, but they rarely come into contact. Until an incident in the Quidditch changing rooms leads their lives to become closely entwined.

This is a fairy tale. But, sometimes, fairy tales do happen.

This is a very loose sequel to my Thin Red Lines Series, though it is not part of that series.

Due to the current glitch, I have changed the rating to 3rd-5th years BUT this is a 6th-7th years story, and therefore should be read as such.


Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Non-Consensual Sex, Sexual Situations, Slash, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 6306 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/31/11 Updated: 11/05/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 11/20/11 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Hi Alex!

This was a really great fic, both to read and to review. I really love how all of your stories link together, and this one was no exception. I have read Thin Red Lines and its counterparts, but if I were someone who just clicked on this one-shot and had never heard of your work before, it still probably would have made sense because you put two and two together in your story without boring background information. The way you connect the older Vivian and Augustus’s relationship with the present day Vivian and Augustus’s relationship”especially with the way that Augustus mentions the way they were named”is a great way to tie two stories together.

That being said, though, I found it odd that you didn’t mention the past relationships or the past at all until the last few paragraphs, making the conclusion seem slightly rushed. I can understand this, however, because the story was so fast paced and “action packed” that you may not want to have interrupted the story with paragraphs upon paragraphs of the history of Thin Red Lines, since you did make it clear on what was happening and I have to assume that a lot of people who enjoyed your previous work also decided to read this one-shot.

Something else I really enjoyed about this was that it actually ended happily ever after…it actually had a happy ending. I’m not much for writing happy endings, mostly because I’m terrible at it, but I love to read a good one, and yours was top-notch. It wasn’t too sickly sweet or too happy. Because it was a happy ending, and the rest of the story was very dark, the end did seem slightly rushed, but not at all forced or unreal, and the way that you wrote it, letting us know that Vivien got her happy ending but not going too far into detail worked really well for me. I congratulate you for that.

Your characterisation was also very good. We don’t know how Viv acts in canon, since she doesn’t appear in canon, but her personality doesn’t change throughout the story. This is particularly impressive because Viv goes through so many different emotions throughout the story. One thing that was a little strange to me with the characterisation is that Viv suddenly decided to react to Russell’s abuse once Augustus helped her, though. It seemed like a spur-of-the-moment decision to do after Viv had put up with it for so long.

Finally, as I said above, your tone does change a little dramatically throughout the story. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I did feel like it went from very dark and almost depressing to almost cheery quite quickly. I do however understand that Viv’s emotions and tone also changed very quickly near the end of the story, since it was a happy ending.

All in all, I really liked reading this fic, and it’s tempting me to go reread Thin Red Lines once again. This is certainly underreviewed and therefore probably way too underread. I hope you write more in this era, maybe even a sequel to this fic, because I like this generation of Viv a lot. This was very well written, very unclichéd, and other than the things I mentioned above, I didn’t see anything else wrong with it.

~Lily~

Author's Response: Hello Lily! I didn't realise you'd read all of my Thin Red Lines series- I'm pleased you enjoyed it enough to want to read this and leave me such a lovely review for it :) I'm glad however that you think to someone who hadn't read the rest, it would have made sense- that was quite important to me.

The conclusion was originally quite a bit shorter and a beta (can't remember which one) suggested I expand upon it, which I did, but I know what you mean about it being perhaps a little rushed, and rather an abrupt change of tone.

The fact I wrote this was a bit of a surprise, but it was just too sweet an idea not to write, if that makes sense :) I hate sickly sweet happy endings as well--hence the violence that precedes it. I'm pleased you liked Viv/ my characterisation of her. I'm very fond of both Vivs, and while they both deserved a happy ending, at least one of them got it :) I don't think Viv's reaction to Russell's abuse is entirel Augustus' fault- she never thinks that what he's doing is right, or that she deserves it, so in that sense its always wrong. Just Augustus shows her she doesn't have to/ shouldn't have to put up with it, if that makes sense.

I'm rather fond of dramatic changes in tone :) Definitely my favourite films/ tv shows/ novels are ones which can go from one emotion to another very, very suddenly, so I'm actually taking it as a compliment that I managed to pull off the changes without it seeming forced.

I'm pleased you enjoyed it, but I don't think I'm going to write a sequel to this. I'm pleased you thought it was well-written and not clichéd, and thank you so much for your lovely review :) Alex

 

All That's Left by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Then I saw Mum and Dad’s faces. It was the first time I had ever seen our father cry. And just like that, my already shattered heart split again. You broke our father, Al. Even Voldemort couldn’t do that. Dad looked like someone had stabbed him in the stomach, then twisted the knife for good measure. He and mum, they raised you, raised you to be strong, and you let them down. You failed them. You were a coward. A coward who broke our father.




Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 3186 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/07/11 Updated: 11/14/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 11/29/11 Title: Chapter 1: All That's Left

Ellie,

I just loved this. It’s basically an expansion of your poem, which, ahem, I also loved, if you haven’t seen my review of that lately. It was definitely extremely sad and surely a side of Albus we’ve never seen before. I loved that it was told from James’s point of view but it was still very clearly about Albus and what had happened to him. I thought it was definitely sad that James had had the wrong idea all along, and it nearly brought me to tears.

Yet the fact that it *was* told from James’s POV seemed a little…overdone. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that fact, and while Albus and James’s raw emotion is very open and sad, it was a little hard to believe that James would think that Albus had commited suicide without going further into detail….when, where, why? James certainly seemed to care about Albus enough to find out more about his death. One thing we can learn from Harry Potter…professionals rarely tell the truth.

I really sympathised with Albus throughout the entire fic, but strangely, I was almost angry with James. Like I said above, I thought it was terrible that James didn’t go look around into his death. And knowing how Albus really died made it even worse. I can understand this because of how grief-stricken James was”he might not have wanted to go digging around into something so painful”but thinking about what James would have discovered if he *had* poked around is sad.

This is also a refreshing look at James, too. It’s very different from the joking, cocky character we saw on Platform 9 ¾, but James is most definitely in character. Seeing someone that we only know as happy as extremely sad is a great way to explore characters.

All in all, Ellie, I really enjoyed this fic. The twist at the end had me…twisted, for a second, but like I’ve said so many times already, I thought it was well played out and, in my opinion, probably couldn’t be done much better. If you decide to expand on this, once again, I would really want to read what you write.

~Lily~

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, Lily. I actually wrote the first draft of this before the poem, so it's the other way around.

James's POV: I completely understand what you're trying to say. Alex and I talked about this, and we decided not to expand it. In the expanded version James would search. I believe, though, in a paragraph near the end there is a revenge part where James vows to find whoever made Albus 'kill himself'.

Characterization: I really love playing around with the Next Gen. people. It is always so open, and you can go anywhere with it, and I love straying from the common clichés, like a Neville or Hermione-ish Albus and a sporty, cocky James.

I really don't think I will expand on this. I might write a companion piece or two to this, probably one from Al and another one from James. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this, and I did respond to your other review as well. Thank you for the amazing review, Lily, and I'll try to do the same once I come upon the next chapter of Winter. Thank you so much!

*Ellie*

 

Replaced by MissMeg
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Petunia reflects on her relationship with Lily before meeting James for the first time.

Written for the SPEW Summer Story Swap

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1008 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/03/11 Updated: 12/10/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 03/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Replaced

Hello Meg :)

Firstly, I’m very sorry for taking so long to review this story. It really was lovely and I enjoyed it very much. We don’t get to see a lot of Petunia in the story, and we almost never see her in a positive light. The only example that comes to mind is in DH when she’s about to leave Harry for the last time. Even then, it’s only for a few minutes and we don’t get to hear what she was planning to say. This story made me feel very sorry for Petunia.

I do imagine that Lily would always look up to Petunia, even after she learned that she was a witch. I say this only because I know what it feels like to be the oldest, and your younger siblings are coming after you because all they want is to be like you. I thought it was a very nice insight that, actually, Petunia wanted to be like Lily.

I thought it was very interesting that Petunia would actually be jealous of James, for as she put it, replacing her. From what she spoke about him during the actual books, she always sounded like she had no respect for him whatsoever. I liked that you showed that disrespect as a sort of self-defense for her. I do feel like Petunia was always, for whatever reason, the “lesser” child in her parents’ eyes, if only because she wasn’t a witch.

I liked that you included that for a short time, Petunia actually craved to be a witch more than anything else. I don’t mean to step on toes, but I feel like that scene is what sparked this idea that Petunia wasn’t good enough to be a witch, and Petunia gets completely replaced by James, in Lily’s eyes and in her parents’ eyes.

I don’t think, however, that Lily and Petunia would have stayed very close after Lily went to Hogwarts, especially after the letter that Petunia writes and Lily reads (that still breaks my heart every time I read that section in APT). I realise I said above that Lily would look up to Petunia all throughout her life, but looking up to someone and being close to someone are two completely different things, as definitely proved during this story. I think Petunia would have been too jealous of Lily to really stay being her big sister while Lily grew up in this completely different culture that Petunia yearned to be a part of.

I think the ending was a little bit “rushed,” so to speak. I do the exact same thing in every story I write, but I feel like you could have expanded a little bit more on what dinner was like for Petunia, and how she reacted to it.

All in all, Meg, this was a wonderfully well written story that gave me a great new look on Petunia. It was a pleasure being your SPEW buddy :)

Lily xxx

Author's Response: I can't believe I haven't responded to this yet—and I was feeling so proud of how I was getting better about responding to reviews promptly… I completely agree that Lily and Petunia wouldn't have stayed close, and I wasn't trying to imply that they still were somehow close to each other. I think Petunia liked the feeling of having Lily look up to her and being older and more experienced and taking care of Lily. I was trying to show Petunia's regret over the loss of that relationship—and her denial that that regret exists. I imagine Petunia as viewing Lily, the witch, and Lily, her younger sister, as two different entities, and I wanted to show her struggling to accept that Lily was no longer the worshiping younger sister that she used to be. I had a lot of trouble with the ending. Originally, it just ended with Petunia sitting on the bedspread. I was struggling to end the piece (and get the word count into the range it needed to be in order to be submitted to the archives), and Soraya suggested that I add her meeting James. I toyed with expanding the scene, but I felt like adding more would have been redundant. I tried to give a fair idea of Petunia's emotions about the meeting, and I felt like I hinted a fair amount about what the rest of the dinner would go like (although obviously I don't have the most objective view of this). There also is the fact that I struggle with writing emotions, and so I try to use visuals to get what the characters across (this is why you probably won't see me writing much in first person). I could only think of so many ways to get how annoyed and how much she disliked James across… I'm very glad that you liked the story, and I greatly appreciated your review (getting SPEW length reviews always makes me happy)! I hope this made sense, -Meg

 

Small Hours by Acacia Carter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Past Featured StoryFrank had hoped that his and Alice's first Christmas together would have just a little more hope and cheer than this.

Second Place Winner for the Great Hall-iday Challenge of 2011, for the prompt "Christmas at Ground Zero."



Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1871 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/09/11 Updated: 12/11/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/12/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Jamie--

(so used to writing fanfic now that I just typed James) Firstly, welcome to Hufflepuff :) Enjoy your stay...we're not harmful (usually) and it's always like a big fun PARTY!

Now on to the review, I guess squee-ing about how awesome Hufflepuff is is not going to earn me SPEW kudos, lol. I absolutely loved this. I think it's very funny, though, that we both wrote about Alice being pregnant for our challenge, but it was a totally different prompt and the story ended up being completely different.

One quibble--I don't think Frank would refer to Alice as "Allie," I always thought she would be referred to as Alice...and the same with Alice calling Frank "Frankie."

Otherwise, though, I loved this. Very well written, and a great way to introduce yourself to fanfiction and the boards :)

Lily xxx

 

Remember the Slytherins by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 61]

Summary: There is a thin line between love and hate. There is an even thinner line between Gryffindor and Slytherin; the willingness to do anything to achieve their goals. Gryffindors cannot see the big picture, and if they come to a decision to choose between the greater good and their loved ones or himself, they would sacrifice the world for their friends.

Slytherins are different. We know the value of sacrifice, but there is something else that separates us from those who wear red and gold. We will fight as hard as we can, in any way possible, even if it may be seen as unjustified or morally wrong. Gryffindors let their consciences get in the way of the greater goal. We don’t, but no one believes that we can fight for the right cause. They remember us as the evil, idiotic, or simply power hungry. They don’t remember us for what we are; who we are. We’re here to change that.

They will remember us, and they will remember us as those who fought all prejudice and cruelty simply because were were done with it. They will remember us, and the next time they think of a phoenix rising from the ashes they will remember this phrase:


Remember the Slytherins.


Nominated in the 2012 QSQ Awards - Next Gen/OC for Nick.


Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mental Disorders, Strong Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 97777 Chapters: 23 Completed: No
Published:
12/15/11 Updated: 09/02/13


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 10/14/12 Title: Chapter 13: The Fighter

i think OWEN is my favourite character.

...because he is a HUFFLEPUFF.

this has absolutely nothing to do with the story i just wanted to say this. so i had to go back a chapter to one that actually involves owen.

the end.

(p.s. updates are good :P)

Author's Response: I love Owen. :) He's that boy that you really want but don't have ...
I'll update today. I kind of spaced. (I have about five waiting, lol). Thank you so much for the review, twin!
Ellie
p.s. (all the other 'puffs in this story are EVIL).

 
Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Prolouge: The Week of Tears

Heyy Ellehhhh

I know I already read this but I figured I would leave a shiny review for you anyhow, since you keep leaving me such lovely reviews. I'm typing on my nook and I'm REALLY bad/slow at it so it will be short.



I do like this, Abi is a fabulous beta, i

Author's Response: Thanks for the fabulous review! I said more on Pt. 2!

<3 Ellie

 
Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Prolouge: The Week of Tears

Snt she, and even though I already read more ahh details, I want to see it on the boards.

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Thank you, Lily, I really appreciate the review. I'll try to post soon, but I think there was an issue with your review, as there are two of them, split apart. Yes, Abi is an amazing beta, but I will post ASAP. Thanks again!

Ellie

 

Fairytale of Hogwarts by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Past Featured StoryIt's Christmas Eve and Draco sits in The Hog's Head contemplating his chosen path ... and the girl he used to share his dreams with.

This song is a potterfied version of Fairytale of New York which is possibly the best Christmas song of all time. The original was sung by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.

I am not JK Rowling, Shane McGowan, or Kirsty MacColl.

The fabulous singer that was Kirsty MacColl died tragically eleven years ago today. R.I.P.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 323 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/18/11 Updated: 12/18/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/18/11 Title: Chapter 1: Fairytale of Hogwarts

Wow, Carole. 100 fics and I'm still at 6.

Ah well. This was fantabulous, just so you know. This actually seems Potterised and whenever I try to do something like that I end up keeping the entire song because I find random lines that could make sense, lol. Last week I tried to make LMFAO's I'm Sexy and I Know It into I'm Hexy and I Know It, but I think I won't post that here on MNFF to secure a reputation...

I liked how it was about Pansy, who's actually a pretty underappreciated character in my opinion. Most stuff about her is pretty...cruel, even so, and you managed to create this love story without having Pansy be a biyotch.

~Lily

Author's Response: Thank you, Lily. I have to admit that I don;t really like Pansy a great deal, but I'm vaguely warming to her because she's so hated and maybe that's unjust. (Similarly I love Lavender because she's so abused by fanfiction). I really appreciate the review, by the way, so thanks again. Oh, and I've been here over 3 years and write manically so that's probably how I got to 100 - hee hee. ~Carole~

 

Misperception by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Because Angelina Weasley had an irritating tendency to match-make, Oliver Wood had made excuses the last few times he'd been invited to to one of her parties. But after the revelations in the Daily Prophet about his personal life, he rather hoped he'd be safe this year.

But he'd reckoned without her determination that everyone needs some festive joy at Christmas.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, despite the spaghetti bologneise.

Thank you very much to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this and for being supportive. Thanks also to my flist who have put up with a lot of wangst from me recently. Thanks also to Maple for an interesting point she made in an SBBC discussion about Oliver ...

This is Equinox Chick from Hufflepuff , writing for the Great Hall-iday Challenge - prompt 3 Operation:Mistletoe.

IT WON!!!!!!!!!!

Due to an extremely prudish glitch affecting the boards, stories rated 6th-7th or Professors cannot be read, at the moment. For this reason I have temporarily lowered the rating, although this is really 6th-7th. You have been warned.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 9127 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/21/11 Updated: 12/21/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 12/23/11 Title: Chapter 1: Misperception.

I keep coming back here to review you :)This is lovely. (More Puff points for us!) I swear that you can pull off any ship you want to. I would say that's unfair, but I'm still in awe because this is so shiny.

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Aww, Lily, thank you. Hmm, I don;t start writing pairings unless I'm sure I've got a hook into the relationship. For instance I never thought I'd write Dramione, but managed to somehow. I'm a bit in love with Oliver, at the moment, and also Daphne who keeps popping up in my stories. Thanks again ~Carole~

 

Summary: Past Featured StoryVictory Day. A day of celebration and remembrance . For Lily, it is also a day of confusion and sadness. She wants to understand in a world that knows no terror. This year, she'll discover exactly what Victory Day means to her.

Winner of the 2012 Next-Gen QSQ Award

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1303 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/22/11 Updated: 12/29/11


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 05/05/12 Title: Chapter 1: Victory Day

Oh, wow, Maple.


I’ve heard a lot about this fic, especially since it became a featured story lately. However, I hadn’t taken the time to read it yet. I must say, though, that I’m glad I chose this story to read for SPEW buddies :)


This is mostly interesting because you’ve successfully managed to create a real, fulfilling story in which there’s little to no dialogue and it’s mostly Lily’s thoughts. This is especially interesting because you’ve mentioned on several occasions, I think, how you prefer dialogue to prose, and you think that you wouldn’t enjoy a story as much without it as you would with it. Yet here you’ve done exactly the opposite and created this story.


Lily’s thoughts about Victory Day are what I would have never thought of, honestly, but I also think that they fit nearly perfectly. I also like your descriptions of what her family members are doing, especially your description of Ginny. I would have thought that she would have been one of the least affected by the war, but I think you show us completely otherwise here in a completely realistic way. I love the way you simply describe George as “Fred’s other half.” I think that is maybe one of the reasons that he is so upset after Fred’s death because everyone sees them as two halves that fit together, rather than their own person.


Your description of Harry I particularly like because it’s not necessarily about Harry. Mostly, you talk about Teddy. I think this is a good “emblem,” per sey, of Harry’s character, because he’s rarely thinking about himself during battles such as these. You portray this well because even Lily can tell that he’s “brooding” about Teddy and how he had to grow up alone.


I also think that it’s interesting that Lily speaks about how in generations to come, “They will never understand the terror he created and how greatly he was feared. The name will simply roll of their lips like any other.” (By the way, you have a typo here: I think “of their lips” should be “off their lips”.) Lily wasn’t alive during Victory Day, so I think it’s a little odd that she would think that Voldemort was something that will be lost in further generations, since essentially she is one of the further generations. She really doesn’t understand the real terror that Voldemort created, because she wasn’t there for it. What she’s doing”hearing about Victory Day from relatives”is all that her children will do, too.


I also found it interesting that Lily mentions that Scorpius’ and her parents don’t hate each other. From what we see of their interactions during DH I think it’s pretty clear that they are by no means on speaking terms. Yet she specifically mentions that Harry and Draco no longer hate each other. You also rule out any possibility that they would have become friends during the space between the epilogue and when this is taking place because you say that they put aside their differences when Harry saved Draco’s life. To me, this seems a little out of character because they didn’t seem like they were friends during the epilogue. Perhaps you could change this to make it where they befriended each other later.


I particularly liked the ending of the piece. I do think that Victory Day would have been difficult, especially for the people who were closest to those who died. I agree that over time, it should come to be celebrated instead of mourned. I also love the way you ended the piece. While it did feel final, I really liked that Lily was finally ready to stop mourning those who died on Victory Day and start celebrating because of the battle that was won. I honestly think that was what Victory Day was really about, not the battle itself, just the win.

In the whole, Maple, I really enjoyed this fic. I’m glad I read it, and it absolutely deserves to give you one of your MNFF goals and be a featured story.

Apple xxx

Author's Response: Hey Apple! It's ironic, isn't it, that I find stories written in this style boring, and yet I write like that :p Thank you for the typo, by the way! I guess when I'm saying that Voldemort will lose meaning in later generations, I'm thinking about my own experiences with history. I have never known the terror of WWI or II, but the children of thsoe who faught in it will understand it more than I ever will, because their parents actually lived it. As for Harry and Draco, I agree that they aren't on speaking terms, but I think that their exchange in DH shows that they no longer hate each other. Thanks for the lovely review! Maple

 

Summary: Voldemort is dead. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny have survived. Now, the young warriors have a future. They have dreams, and dreams cost nothing; however reality has its price. The path each chooses has twists, potholes, and detours. They find that life plays tricks on people. These issues have to be confronted before they make it Platform 9 and ¾ in 2017 and beyond.

Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Suicide

Word count: 54280 Chapters: 17 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/27/11 Updated: 10/22/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 05/05/12 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7-Ginny Problems

Before I start I would like to say that I am not trying to be critical but I have seen you ignore other crit in previous reviews, and I would like you to take this to heart.

I do feel like you are changing these characters to some sort of original story. I think there's a difference between watching them grow and change and making them completely OOC. I can't picture Ginny becoming a wild girl while she's completely normal at Hogwarts--there's a difference between dating a lot of boys like she does in the books and being a slut like she is here. I can't picture Hermione becoming a completely shallow girl who dresses provocatively and has sex with random people, when in the books she does none of these things. I can't picture Harry giving up Hogwarts, which is his home, and going to America, and also hitting on Hermione every chance he gets. All of this is just so different from the books, so wildly OOC. I've read the reviews and I realise that you are trying to show what it's like to grow up after the battle. But this is not growing up, this is just not the characters that we've read in the books.

I understand artistic freedom and I think that's what you're trying to do here. But you're making all of these characters do all of these things and you're really not justifying why.

If you manage to give these characters the characterisation that we've seen in the books I think this story has definite potential to be good.

Oh, and while I'm at it--why do you have Neville marrying an OC when in canon he marries Hannah Abbott? Do you have specific reasoning for this?

Anyway sorry if I come across as critical--I'm really not trying to be and just want to help you write better :)

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Dear Lily, Thanks for the review. I think I have answered some of your comments in previous reviews - Ginny has left the cloistered environment of Hogwarts and is a naive eighteen year old in the cesspool that is professional sports. Hogwarts is like hight school (in the U.S.) - Harry has to make the painful step and move on. As for Neville's marriage, I wanted the Geek to have a beautiful wife, and I need him in France for a later plot twist. I think if you keep reading, things may work out.....

 

Glass by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Past Featured Story

It’s New Year’s Eve, and it’s the Potters’ turn to host this year’s party. Lily Luna Potter, however, has no idea that they are trying to set her up with a certain someone, despite the fact that Lily already has that certain someone, though her family doesn't know that...

This is babewithbrains of Ravenclaw, writing for the Great Hall-iday Challenge 2011, Prompt Three -- Operation: Mistletoe.



Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 3653 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/28/11 Updated: 01/05/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 01/29/12 Title: Chapter 1: New Year's Eve, 2029

Hello Soraya,

I think it takes a lot to write a cousin pairing--not just because it’s squicky but because I think it would be a lot harder to realistically pair two first cousins together. It takes a lot of commitment, and a lot of bravery, I would say, to put your relationship out in the open. With this story, you captured that perfectly.

I read your Diabolical December drabbles where you became obsessed with this pairing, and no matter who wrote it, I didn’t think I would have been able to find it believable. Obviously a drabble isn’t meant to do that--it’s just a short glimpse of a scene--so when you asked me to review this of all things I was a little nervous about it. I was shocked, though, because this was believable for so many reasons--because it wasn’t just mindless fluff, and because Lily was afraid to tell Roxy and her parents about her relationship with Louis.

I do think it was a little bit iffy that Roxy would have had so little an idea of Lily and Louis’s relationship that she would actually have tried to set Lily up with someone else, unless Lily and Louis really hid their chemistry well. But since you did show them kissing a lot, and because Victoire knew about their relationship, I don’t think they were as careful as they could have been.

I quite liked how Lily and Louis weren’t a perfect couple with no fights. I do think they would definitely have had fights about telling others about their relationship and I agree that Lily would have been the one to “out” their relationship, not Louis.

I liked the way that the story was told in present tense. In my opinion, it really helped bring out the way that the story was told in an almost urgent manner. But when you switched tenses to tell the flashback of how Lily and Louis got together, it seemed a little…weird, to tell the truth. It took a second for me to get that it was a flashback, because other than the few words you used to imply it, there was really no way to tell.

I also liked the title of the story-if I’m correct, it came from when the glass shattered and Lily and Louis felt the chemistry between them for the first time. I thought that was just a really great place to derive a title from.

One nitpick I did have (and it’s not really even a nitpick, it’s just something I noticed) in the first paragraph you have Lily describing herself as twenty, and then later Louis calls her nineteen.

I also thought that you should have had Lily and Louis telling everyone about their relationship near the end of the story. While the ending did have a sense of finality, it didn’t wrap up the loose ends, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who would want to know how the family reacted when they admitted their relationship.

Anyway, this was a great fic and certainly not what I expected, and I’m sorry I took so long doing SPEW buddies!

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Hi Lily :)

Thank you for such a lovely review. Firstly, I know cousin!love isn't the easiest of subjects to write about, partly because of the potential squickiness (though I don't really find it squicky, only when I think of myself with my own cousins, lol) but also the fact that the Weasleys and Potters are quite a close knit family. I agree with you entirely that it takes a lot of guts to come out about it, and I hope you understood why Louis acted the way he did with Lily.

Hehe, in December, I was going through major writer's block, to the point when I actually forgot about the Secret SPEW deadline >.> so it was nice writing the Loulily drabbles. Was I really obsessed with them? I don't think that's the right word, just a bit keen :P I agree that it's difficult to find a believable cousin pairing, but I have read them before -- Carole's Jominique and Jess's Louis/Lucy are two excellent examples. And yay to this not being mindless fluff, lol. I got the idea, stayed up until almost two in the morning writing the thing, sent it to Alex and then just submitted it for the GH challenge in the nick of time. I was fairly pleased with it, which doesn't happen often nowadays, but I was worried that it was a bit on the fluffy side so I'm glad you said otherwise. :)

Hmm, the thing is, Louis and Lily would never dare kiss or hold hands or anything in front of the Weasley family. The only time they ever kissed, in this story, was in their flat, which they shared, alone, and in the Burrow. During the latter time, remember, everyone was outside watching the fireworks. No one could see them. Rest assured they were very discreet, and Roxy would therefore have no idea of their relationship, especially since it's not really a conventional thing to do if you know what I mean.

And by the way, Lily *told* Victoire about their relationship. Victoire didn't find out, per se. And I'm glad you liked the style -- that pretty much killed me, tbh, because it was originally in past tense but it wasn't working so I changed about a quarter of the way through and made it present tense instead. I thought the use of present tense would help with making the transition to flashback easier. Basically, the reason why it might have been slightly confusing is because I was trying (for once) not to italicise my flashbacks. Clearly, Deathlex can do it and I can't >.> I will bear that in mind next time, though. Ta :)

The title has been giving me a lot of grief, and I've kind of changed it back to just Glass because Dinny made me a lovely banner and it has the old title and I think it's better that way. But thank you. I had one review asking how the title connected with the story and I wasn't entirely sure, hehe.

I'll take care of that nitpick -- thank you so much for pointing it out! And I know what you mean about Louis and Lily coming out. My honest answer is that I don't quite know, at this point, what will happen, so I just hope that the idea will one day appear in my head and I'm near enough to a laptop that I can write it down :) I want to write a sequel, and I hope to do so, but perhaps not now, especially with exams looming.

Anyway, thank you for such a lovely review. It was a pleasure being your SPEW buddy!

~Soraya~

 

Lying Awake by Snowlily
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: “The dormitory was completely silent, and, had he been less preoccupied, Harry would have realized that the absence of Neville’s usual snores meant that he was not the only one lying awake.” “ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 919 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/14/12 Updated: 01/15/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 03/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Contemplation

Hello!

I was a little bit hesitant to click on this since I’ve never read your work before, but I really liked what I read. The writing was very poetic, and although it was short, I didn’t feel like it was too short at all.

The first thing I noticed about the fic is that in your chapter notes, the word hiatus is misspelled. Now, this doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of the fic, but I do feel like you should correct that in order to attract more readers. You also had several blank symbols throughout your story from using hyphens, and you misspelled the word Cruciatus. I highly suggest going to fix those. Although it is by no means required, it did detract from the story a little bit.

I loved the idea of Neville’s thoughts after Moody’s lesson in Goblet of Fire. We know that he was seriously upset from the scene shortly after, but it doesn’t feel like Harry goes to check up on him afterwards. In that, you had a very original idea. I also liked the idea of Neville’s insomnia, especially after that lesson. I don’t imagine that he would be able to, with no better word, rest in peace. I love that you mentioned that Harry couldn’t sleep either, since he does gather a lot of information in dreams, starting in GOF with Frank Bryce and Peter Pettigrew. With that information he gets a lot of insomnia (for no better word) and I think you said that very subtly here. The descriptions of what he does when he can’t sleep (and how Neville knows) were really wonderful.

I liked Neville’s feelings towards Bellatrix Lestrange. For obvious reasons, he should and does hate her, but I love how he feels so utterly helpless towards her. Through his mind, I don’t feel like he thinks he can do much, especially to an evil witch who tormented his parents into insanity, but I do feel like he wants to, more than anything. I think this line says it better than I could :

I can’t even perform a Switching Spell, I couldn’t perform an Unforgivable Curse.

This really accentuates his hatred towards Bellatrix and how he feels so completely inferior to her, since she had the power to take away his parents and he doesn’t have the power to bring them back. Therefore, he wants to take out all his anger on Bellatrix, but he knows that he can’t.

I wasn’t quite sure what you meant by the next line [after the one I just quoted]: I’m sure I would be all right with it, though. For her. I think that you’re trying to say that Neville would be okay (and completely able) to perform an Unforgivable Curse since it was towards Bellatrix Lestrange, using the eye-for-an-eye tooth-for-a-tooth reasoning. But the first time I read it, I felt like you were trying to subtley say that Neville would do anything for his mother. I think you should specify who “her” is, and that would make it a lot clearer for me.

I loved your mention of Ron’s fear of spiders, too. While I think he was definitely shocked by the curses that Moody performed, I also believe that the fact that Moody used spiders scared him more. While he was scared, to Neville, I’m sure it seemed like a very trivial reason, and didn’t really neccesitate the amount of fright that Ron gave.

It was really interesting that Neville compared his life to Harry’s, especially since they were very similar. But I felt like Neville would be kinder to his parents, even in his thoughts. From the small amount of parent-child interaction we received in OoTP, it seemed like Neville was totally accepting, but not necessarily happy, for his parents. Neville also clearly knows that what happened to Alice and Frank isn’t their fault, and I doubt he would really refer to them as having “left him,” even if physically, that’s what happened. I did like that you said that he wished they would do more than caress his face and give him a bubble-gum wrapper, because what child wouldn’t?

This could be just me, but I don’t think that Neville would want to trade places with Harry, where his parents were dead instead of just insane. Neville can still see them whenever he wants, and he can still see the remnants of who they were,and Harry can’t. It’s definitely heartbreaking, but I don’t think Neville would want to trade places with Harry because his situation is just as hard, if not more so.

Also, this story was almost choppy, in a way. You had so many different one-lined paragraphs, like Neville was jumping from thought to thought. First he was thinking about Bellatrix Lestrange, and how much he hated her, and how much he couldn’t hurt her. But every sentence you used was in a different paragraph. I definitely think you could put them all together into one paragraph. Then you began to talk about Harry and while he was affected by the lesson, not of the same magnitude as Neville. I think you could put this all in one paragraph as well. This middle section, where everything was in a different paragraph, seemed a little off, and I think you could definitely fix that by putting everything in the same paragraph.

Neville’s uncertainty at the end was probably my favourite part of the whole fic. I don’t think anyone [except J.K. Rowling] would have expected Neville to have such a big part in killing the last Horcrux (Nagini), least of all Neville himself. In my opinion, part of the reason Neville had trouble with magic is because he wasn’t very confident in himself. He didn’t feel like he had anything real to offer. I loved how you mentioned that he wasn’t sure why the Sorting Hat had put him in Gryffindor rather than Hufflepuff or something, because at the beginning of the series, I thought the same thing myself. He says that he doesn’t think he’ll ever find why the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor. This is a sort of catch-22 to me, because while Neville is brave enough to kill Nagini, he doesn’t feel like he’s brave enough at all, especially not towards his own self. Neville is a very complex character, and I think you did a wonderful job characterising him.

Yet even though Neville was unsure of himself, I don’t think he would question his right to be born. Sometimes, I wonder why I was even born, in such dangerous times, when everything, at any time, could be ripped away. By everything, I assume you mean that his parents could be ripped away at any time, although I could be reading too much into that. I think this is an overexaggerated version of sadness that his parents are gone…ripped away, and I don’t think Neville would question why he was born.

The ending of this story was very sudden and final, and I enjoyed that. You didn’t add any sort of closing, just Neville’s imagined depiction of Bellatrix’s torture of his parents. It left a chilling ending, which was wonderful. I liked it a lot.

I must admit that I was surprised by this story. I clicked on it because I was trolling down the Dark/Angsty page and I’ve never read any of your work before. It was very short, and despite its small flaws, very beautiful. I really enjoyed it, and if I didn’t know better, it could have been canon.

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Uh. Hello. Wow. I just got this review, and ... wow. Shock. Extremely long, very insightful - thanks. Will definetley keep me occupied for the next half hour while I try to think up a response....

I feel like you looked way, way deeper into this entire thing than I did! That's some impressive reading skills. ;) So...adressing everything bit-by-bit...

Poetic - okay, thanks. I didn't think I was heading in that direction, nice to know. ;) More of a thoughts thing, actually quite similar to how things get processed in my own head. ;)

Ah, spelling. Spell check is my best friend, but it is unfortunatley not a part of Internet Explorer... ;) I'll get back to that. XD

Thank you, thank you, thank you! ;) Haha, thanks.

Yes, "her" is Bellatrix Lestrange. Not Alice Longbottom.

Yes, yes, yes, all good points, although you should take into account that I have almost nothing to say in response to this - it's very overwhelming.

Unless I'm mistaken, I don't think I switched Neville and Harry at all - I was just pointing out that Neville kind of thinks it's less emotionally distressing to have dead parents all sorted out when he was too young to remember, instead of his predicament, which is living with parents that aren't all there.

Big paragraphs aren't my thing. I like to get the point across in segments, quick and concise if I can.

Neville does strike me as kind of a quiet curious one. Not Harry's type of curiosity (which is well-planned and intrusive) but more of a just-wondering kind. Only once he does soemthing about it, after all. (Staking out the common room in Sorcerer's Stone).

Thank you!

Yes, Neville has almost zero self-confidence in anything. Bravery, ability, zero, zip.

Ah, now this is where I become truly confused. Neville's not saying anything about his right to be born, more about any adult's choice to have a child in a war-torn world, when any moment they could be killed, or (in his case) tortured to insanity, leaving the child an orphan, or as good as.

Thank you - it was meant to be a little disturbing (or, if that failed utterly) nicely chilly. Like Jello. ;)

Haha, yes. Now you have. And I'll be going back to the spelling mistakes. And thanks - that was really sweet. XD. Hands down, this was the BEST review I've ever gotten. XD

 

Battlefields by Sapphire at Dawn
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Past Featured StorySummary: Christmas 1976. Lily Evans is standing in the shadow of a war that for the first time is affecting her Christmas spirit. A reprieve from the gloom comes in the form of a Muggle boy from her hometown, someone who the war cannot touch and is unaffected by the fear it causes. However, dark times lie ahead, and Lily begins to realise that there are some things she just cannot escape, however hard she tries.

This came joint first in the December Great Hall Challenge! Thank you to the judges!

Also nominated for Best Marauder Story in the QSQs! Thank you!


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 9484 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/19/12 Updated: 03/20/12


Reviewer: Padfoot11333 Signed
Date: 05/19/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hi, Sarah!

This story has been on my to-read list ever since you published it in December, and I’m glad I chose to read it for SPEW. This was an intriguing first chapter, and I’m impressed with the way that you both introduced the story and also got into some actual plot in only a few thousand words.

A newspaper article was an abrupt way to begin the story, but I like how you threw us into the action straight away. I like Lily’s feelings about the war straight after she reads the article, especially when she points out:

But a war had to have two sides, had to have a resistance, but instead there seemed to be simply confusion.

I think Lily is spot-on in thinking this. During the first war, nothing really seemed to happen, and that’s why Voldemort took “control” so easily. During the second war, people were actively fighting (if losing) and it probably took a lot more effort for Voldemort to gain control.

I like the character of Mark. He’s very cheerful and likeable, and he seems oddly good for Lily’s misery. He does seem a lot like James, and it’s pretty ironic that Lily is more attracted to him than she is James even if they are alike. I like the way that you point out that it’s easier for Lily to like him because he is “like a breath of fresh air” for her because he knows nothing about the war. If Lily went on a date with someone from Hogwarts, I think they would be talking about the war more often than either of them would have liked because that was the main thing that was going on at the moment and neither of them could ignore it, no matter how much they wanted to.

There were a few Briticisms that I didn’t understand, such as when Mark says that Lily’s faux Scotland boarding school is “very posh” and when he says he has “to meet his mum at the chippy.” However, even if I didn’t understand them, I think it’s very important for Mark and Lily to act in character, dialect and all, and I like how you incorporated that sort of thing.

I like the ending of the chapter, where we see Snape watching Mark and Lily leave. The character of Snape is an interesting dilemma for me- I never understood why he didn’t just act differently for Lily if he loved her that much. However, I like the way that you describe him as “sour yet wistful.” I think this really fits him - he’s sour that Mark is with Lily, but wistful because he wishes that he were the one with Lily. It was definitely a thought-provoking way to end the chapter.

Overall, Sarah, I really enjoyed the first chapter of this. I can’t wait to read the others.

Lily xxx

Author's Response: Oh, wow, Lily, thanks so much! What an epic review! I'm glad you like it, and Mark. I've never thought about how much like James he is; it wasn't my intention, but now you mention it, he actually is. Perhaps a little more tame and mature than James, not as intelligent, but I can see how he and James are similar. The Briticisms... sorry about that :p 'chippy' is short for chip shop. The boarding school thing... generally boarding schools are private and therefore to someone who is a bit of a lad and working class it's posh. It's a social thing more than a Brit thing, I think. Thanks so much for leaving this review and I'm glad you like it. Sarah x

 
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The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
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