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Reviews by goldensnidget92

Not Another Mary Sue Fic! by Air Elemental

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: A Mary Sue Parody fic! Infinity Babe has moved from New York to Hogwarts with her 'oh-so-evil' parents. Can Harry and the gang stop her from warping canon? Not to be taken seriously. Rated PG-13 for a reason. Scriptfic.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/26/11 Title: Chapter 4: Act Four

BAHAHA THESE ARE ALL SO FUNNY! Oh good grief, I was laughing through it all! Can't wait for the next one :)

Driving Lessons by coolh5000

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: “Parked all right, then?” Ron asked Harry. “I did. Hermione didn’t believe I could pass a Muggle driving test, did you? She thought I’d have to Confund the examiner. “No I didn’t,” said Hermione. “I had complete faith in you.”
- DH P604, UK Edition

The story of how Ron learned to drive.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 05/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This perfectly depicted the nerves I felt before my driving test! I don't know why it made me so much more nervous than proper exams, but it did! I remember feeling exactly the same as Ron, so I felt really able to relate to him. It was also interesting to see him cope in a very Muggle situation - even if he did use magic... I really enjoyed this fic :)

A Legacy of Mischief by Razgriz Ace

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: "Well the first time I met your mum she told me the reason she was never a prefect at school was that she had a complete inability to stay out of trouble.... And as for your dad…well he was a Marauder wasn’t he?”
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 12/24/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Recently the relationship between Harry and Teddy has become really interesting to me, and I loved your representation of it here. I especially thought that the characterisation of Harry was very good: it's difficult writing him as a father figure, because we've never seen him in that situation before, but you handled it with ease and grace. I could legitimately see this happening in these two characters' futures.

I also loved how you brought up the legacy of the Marauders, and ended with him planning to pass it over to James. The ending was poignant and beautiful.

I'd also love to read more about Teddy's time at Hogwarts now... :]

Wangoballwime? by Midnight Storm

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: James and Lily watch from up above as their son asks Cho Chang to the Yule Ball.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 12/06/12 Title: Chapter 1: Wangoballwime?

This was such an original idea, and although it is very short I think that in this case, and in the style you chose to write in, that made it more effective. Having a dialogue between James and Lily watching Harry ask Cho to the Yule Ball could have been very difficult to pull off, but I think you did it well: employing a simplistic narrative style made it feel very in-the-moment and was quite absorbing.

The fact that it was driven almost entirely by dialogue was very refreshing. It skimmed the surface without going into the thoughts and emotions of the characters. This makes the reader feel like an observer, and allows them to interpret things in many ways. I thought that the fact that you didn’t explain exactly how Lily and James were watching Harry was a good thing: it made me suspend my disbelief and accept that this was happening.

The dramatic irony that was inevitable in telling the story this way was very effective. When you wrote, ‘“I knew he could do it!” said James, grinning. “Good on you, Harry!”’, I suddenly realised that he doesn’t know that Cho will refuse him. This was echoed immediately when Lily said, ‘“But she didn’t say yes.”’ That was a very well written bit, because you subtly warned us what was about to happen, making us wonder how the two of them will react.

The characters of Lily and James were kept in character very well throughout, and it was nice to see this humorous side of them. It was comforting to think of them watching over Harry all the time, even though he doesn’t know it. I think an important aspect of your successful characterisation was the way you emphasised their youth: they died when they were 21, and some of that light-heartedness must have remained with them to some extent. Your maintenance of their banter had the perfect balance of affection and sorrow. By paralleling Harry asking Cho out with their reminiscences of the (many) times James asked out Lily, I think you not only highlighted their similarities with their son, but also emphasised that this is a universal story. It’s a story that is timeless, and parents can relate to their children more than the children might like to think.

The dialogue which propelled most of the story was done well - it was natural and entirely convincing. This made the story very readable, and I could hear distinct voices saying the words. For example, when you write, ‘“Nope, he’s worse than you,” concluded Lily, laughing. “She didn’t even know what he said - not a good sign.” “C’mon, Harry,” James pressed…’, I could feel James urging his son on. It was lightly handled, but that was all you needed. The only thing I would say is that there were a few too many adverbs and adjectives - like when you said ‘James remembered excitedly’. It felt a little too heavy, and I think in that instance you could have simply written ‘James said’, and there would have been no loss of meaning to the sentence.

Reading this fic really made me wish that Harry had grown up with his parents, and made me wonder how different he might have been had it happened that way. Would he have been as arrogant as James, or would Lily have made sure to ‘deflate’ his head, as she claims Lupin did for James? We’ll obviously never know, but your story allowed me a glimpse of hope that he’d be reunited with them one day, and that was a wonderful feeling to leave with.

Forever France by Equinox Chick

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: This was a war she'd had little part in. But her duty lay towards her husband and her adopted country.

How does Fleur Weasley feel when she's departing for battle?

This poem was written for The Copycat Challenge on the MNFF beta forums. The idea was to take inspiration from a favourite poem. I chose The Soldier by Rupert Brooke.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling or Rupert Brooke (who died far too young in a foreign land).

Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: Forever France

The moment I saw this referred to Rupert Brooke’s ‘The Soldier’ I knew I was going to love this, as I adore poetry from the First World War. However I quickly loved it in its own right - not just because of the literary reference. Your control of the sonnet form was so perfect, and the lilting iambic pentameter softened the content of the poem, which could have been presented as an anguished farewell, but was instead a celebration of life.

The language was incredibly evocative, and brought up some interesting concepts. For example, your use of alliteration throughout the first stanza (“forever France”; “a flower concealed/A flower of France”) seemed to me to suggest eternity - that as the alliteration carries on throughout the stanza, and not in just one line, so Fleur’s life will be carried on in people’s memories if she dies. What makes this so powerful is the way you bring in death to contrast with it: the “paper-thin pulse, slipping to death” highlighted the fragility of life, and you show the delicate balance between life and death on the brink of battle so subtly and brilliantly!

I liked the way you explored life and death, dealing with them alternately. It gave sort of ‘swinging’ effect, as though it was drifting through Fleur’s mind. I think this added to the lyricism of the language and the poignancy of the poem, again reflecting the fact that Fleur’s life stands so precariously at this point in time.

It was so interesting to see this poem from Fleur’s point of view: I’d never even considered the fact that this really isn’t her war, and that she was sacrificing so much in taking part in it. I suppose it proves the bravery that the Goblet of Fire saw, which we may not have done in earlier books, is justified. I loved that you addressed this to her sister. It brought more depth to their relationship, and I finally caught a glimpse of a life I’d never for a moment thought about with much seriousness. That’s something that, to me, makes a piece of fanfic so special, because it shows the author has really thought about the characters, and makes them come alive just that little bit more.


Author's Response: Thank you, Helena, for such a lovely, well-constructed review.

I have to thank Julia for her amazing prompts in PA. We had to take a known poem, Potterfy it, and use five set words (one of them was lumos, another yellow, I seem to remember).

I always feel a little sorry for Fleur in the Potter books and in fanfiction. She gets a raw deal at times because of her beuty, and yet she's so brave and really does give up all that's important to her (family and country) for Bill. This point of view is explored in a story by Weasley Mom called Doubts, if you're interested. Thanks you so much for this review. ~Carole~

Darkness by inspirations

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: What might've happened if Harry hadn't triumphed over Voldemort?
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 12/06/12 Title: Chapter 1: Darkness

I thought I’d leave you a review to thank you for all your amazing work with SPEW!

I loved your exploration of darkness in this poem. The more I read it, the more I saw it in the lines and words and images, and it became such a powerful motif throughout. It really captured the idea of life if Voldemort had won and painted a bleak but poetic image of such a world. The way you addressed human behaviour was quite haunting. Having humans “turn off our morality” seemed to dehumanise them, as though the darkness would turn them into objects or rob them of their identities, making them pitiless simulacra of humans. In addition, the idea that they “no longer have the energy for fear” created a similar vision of these empty people. In made me think that the darkness would have seeped inside them, that their lives are full of shadows or an absence of light. This really emphasised the horror of Voldemort’s rule had he defeated Harry, and the fact that it was done so simply made it even more impressive.

I think this theme of darkness was conveyed well in the style of the poem. Not only did the first and last stanzas emphasise a dying of light and a settling in of darkness, creating a cyclical and therefore never-ending effect, but your use of repetition was particularly evocative. By starting most stanzas with “I look into the crystal ball and see the future”, you made this reality almost inescapable. By repeating this notion of the future and all that can be seen, a sense of despair is evident. The repetition of “stretching, stretching, stretching” also evoked, to me at least, a sense of a hopelessness, an emptiness, that once again was inescapable. This also fits with the cyclical nature of the poem, and I think these two techniques worked well together to create a restriction that reflects the world you describe.

The disembodied “I” voice was very interesting, and I liked that we never found out who it was meant to be. It distanced them and made them omniscient (especially when you consider that they can see into the future). They were obscured by the darkness that is falling around them. But then I suppose their facelessness could also represent more than one person - a group of people who anticipate what is coming, and hope that they won’t “change for the worse”. I loved that this identity remained ambiguous, because it added so many layers of interpretation to the poem.

Author's Response: Helena! <3 Thank you for this amazing review, I'm particularly pleased you felt the sense of despair throughout, that was really what I was aiming for when writing. -hugs- xx

The Champion by Ginny Weasley Potter

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: ‘Strong and silent’ Cedric Diggory recollects some of his past on the day of the final Triwizard task. So what insecurities are hidden below that handsome exterior? What imperfections could the ‘perfect’ Cedric Diggory probably have? After all, every human being has hopes and fears… as well as bad memories.

This is Cedric’s journey through the last day of his life right up to his very last second. Had he seen it all coming? Had somebody warned him? And why had he entered the Triwizard Tournament anyway— is there a story behind that too?

I am Ginny Weasley Potter and this is my submission for the First Hufflepuff Drabblethon.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 02/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I really enjoyed this fic! At the moment I'm really interested in reading about the characters we don't hear much from in the books, so I especially enjoyed the psychology of this character.

Sometimes stories set in a very limited amount of time don't work as well, but I thought you balanced it out perfectly with the use of the flashbacks. I loved reading deeper into Cedric: he's generally accepted as a "decent chap" character, and I thought you brought a lot more depth to him, particularly where you mentioned his family teasing him about being in Hufflepuff. Having been sorted into that house on Pottermore, I appreciated being stuck up for! We definitely don't have the best reputation!

If I could think of anything to improve this story, I would mention it, but I honestly can't: it was fun to read, but also thought-provoking. Thanks for writing!

Author's Response: Sorry for taking an age with this response. I wanted to write a nice, long one and I was like *tomorrow* and tomorrow never came and I became an idiot. >.< Anyway, I'm so glad that you liked the fic and that you enjoyed Cedric! I liked writing him too, it was a lot of fun and I felt terribly sorry that I had to kill him off in the end. :( And yes, playing around with his background was particularly interesting. And I'm a Hufflepuff too, though Pottermore put me in Slytherin. MNFF Sorted me as a 'Puff six years ago and I'd like to stay with that. :) All in all, thank you so very much for the review and for letting me know in detail about the points in my story that you liked. :)

We Never Left by Nightwitch87

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: This was inspired by a TV spot for the last film. "We never left." What if this were true, if there were some truth to that dearest wish we hold when we have lost someone? This explores the idea with different characters.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 06/13/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I don't even know what to say that would begin to express how much I loved this. I'm going to try to organise my incoherent jumble of thoughts into a good review!

The choice to have this narrated by those who have passed was original and incredibly powerful. You mixed just the right amount of detachment and feeling to make them feel like real people, and yet keep them behind the barrier, or veil, of death. For example, Ariana's peaceful observations of her brothers seemed to have accepted that she could do nothing for them except wait for them to join her, and welcome them when they did. It makes you feel better about Dumbledore's death, knowing that he has forgiveness and peace ahead of him.

Speaking of Dumbledore, I thought you wrote his part particularly well. He had the same caring, fatherly view of Harry as he seemed to in the books, and the last few lines especially could have been written by JK Rowling herself, I thought they were that accurately written.

Another testament to your writing was the ease with which we were able to tell who was watching who. I could tell it was Sirius and Lily from their first lines, and I think the only one it took a little longer with was James - although as that was the very first one it's likely just because I hadn't got into the rhythm.

I found this to be an incredibly poignant, and at the same time uplifting fic: although we saw characters suffering from the separation from their loved ones, we knew that sooner or later they would all be reunited once more. That was a very powerful piece, and I'm so glad I read it.

First by armagod679

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: I could say I that I hated my sister. I really could. But I would be lying. I didn't really hate her. I hated the fact that she was always first. Petunia only wants a normal life with a normal man who puts her first. So why is her sister always ahead?
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 06/20/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Ordinary Sister

This was such a fascinating insight into Petunia's mind. I want to say straight away that I loved the little details like Lily being able to do chores easier than Petunia, and Petunia insisting that she and Vernon only had one son. I thought that they showed you had really thought deeply about how Petunia's mind works, and it highlights to what extent she was damaged by the difference between her and her sister.

It's such an interesting dynamic: having one Muggle and one magical sibling. You don't really think about what it would do to their relationship until you consider Petunia and Lily. There's always going to be sibling rivalry, but it's magnified in this circumstance. I thought that by having Petunia refuse to have more children we see that she genuinely thinks she is protecting her son by making him her only child.

I also though you addressed her treatment of Harry in a unique way. You actually make us understand why she repressed him, because she didn't want her son to feel as worthless as she did. But the really astute bit was to have her regret it later in life, and to realise that she was actually degrading Harry even worse than how her parents degraded her. You can see that she took after them, because it was essentially inadvertent. It was a good insight into her character to see her realise the error of her ways.

The end was very poignant, and it could have been slightly unbelievable if you hadn't highlighted the fact that she doesn't cry about Lily, and that she doesn't get carried away with nostalgia. You got the balance just right, and I think it shows how much thought you put into this fic. I really enjoyed it, so well done!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Never Feel the Break by Potterworm

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •

Harry comes across Hermione crying in an abandoned classroom after the Yule Ball. A few moments of comfort and suddenly nothing is like it's supposed to be.

'It's not love, what's happening between them, and that's okay.'

Harry/Hermione, only not really

Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 06/13/12 Title: Chapter 1: Never Feel the Break

I was so touched by this story. It actually brought tears to my eyes, and that doesn't happen very often. I can't believe I haven't stumbled across it before!

I don't read Harry/Hermione fics - I have never particularly liked the idea of them as a couple, but this fic has shown me how it could work. I was so pleased you enforced the fact that they're not in love: I feel that if the two were ever to be together, it would be to block out a loss - like when Ron leaves in DH.

I also loved your characterisation. I think it can be hard when you go against canon to keep them in character, but here you presented a scenario which seemed completely legitimate.

Your depiction of Ron was also interesting. It reflects all the friends who are left behind when their best friend gets a girlfriend/boyfriend, but of course with Ron it's both of his best friends, and you can't help but feel sorry for him. It makes you wonder what happened to Harry after DH - did he see them less and less?

Perhaps the best part of this story was the subtle way you wrote the emotions of the characters. That, I think was what most appealed to me, because I empathised so much with them. Possibly my favourite part was when Hermione said how she sometimes needed to be a girl. I think that was a very astute bit of dialogue.

So overall, I really loved it. I think your writing was beautiful, and you really have an extraordinary grasp of the characters you dealt with. Well done!

Author's Response: I take it as a huge compliment when my story can bring tears to someone's eyes. I'm glad it was able to affect you. And I completely and utterly agree. I don't buy Hermione and Harry as a couple. I've read a few fics in which I've liked it, but as a "canon" couple, I never bought it. That's why this fic was a stretch for me to write, and why I'm thrilled that you've found it enjoyable. This was one of my first times really writing Ron's character, and I'm really glad you liked him. The idea was definitely to feel sorry for him, so I'm ecstatic that that came across properly. I do feel for Harry after DH. With Ginny and all, I'm sure they all still hung out. But I imagine it would be rather lonely to have your two best friends be in love. As I've said before, "subtle" is a huge compliment to me. Thank you so much. "Needing to be a girl" was probably one of my favorite lines of dialogue I've ever written. I'm thrilled you liked it. I'm going on and on, but as you can tell, I really appreciated your review. It means a lot. Thanks so much.

The Knitting Alternative by Misdemeanor1331

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Stuck in the Manor and bored nearly out of his mind, Draco Malfoy hatches a plan of questionable legality to acquire some company.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/26/11 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I really enjoyed this!! I thought the depiction of Malfoy was perfect, and I LOVED the series of letters between him and Hermione. In fact, I thought that whole relationship was very funny! I also loved the writing style, I thought it was beautifully written and very eloquent - great work :)

Author's Response: Thank you!!! Those letters were terribly fun to write. So fun that I'm considering using that format again!

The Healing Hours by tot_desidero

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: In the hours after Voldemort's defeat four people begin their journey towards living a peaceful life. The pain, grief and heartache can only be healed with time and with the patience of the ones they love.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 12/21/11 Title: Chapter 4: Harry

Simply perfect. I can think of nothing that would improve this fic.

Fred's death is, for me, the most upsetting one, and I still cry when I read it, so your depiction of its aftermath was awful to read (in a good way). Especially in Ginny's chapter, when you describe the reaction of Molly, it was just so terribly sad, and I'll admit, I cried.

I'm so glad you made Harry cry (now I sound really mean...). I just think that he hardly cries in the books, and the moments when he does are just so much more powerful. It was such a significant moment in this chapter, and the fact that he could only do it with Ginny just affirms her importance, something which I find is often overshadowed by the trio.

Well done!

What You Wanted by Padfoot11333

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: In Tom Riddle's first Christmas vacation at Hogwarts, he is lonely.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/22/12 Title: Chapter 1: What You Wanted

There were a lot of things I liked about this short fic. It must have been difficult to capture young Tom Riddle, but I thought you maintained a really convincing portrayal of him throughout. Having him as the victim of bullying was very interesting to see, and could have been hard to imagine - Lord Voldemort getting bullied? - but you handled it very well and I completely bought the situation. It made him seem more human, and I think that was important in this fic because he was so young. There were lots of little remarks you made which really confirmed the excellent characterisation: you said how he could “protect himself by becoming someone’s friend”, and I think this was a massively important point. As he goes on to muse about having a friend or an ally, it could have been OOC if you hadn’t mentioned that it’s for his own protection: that’s all he cares about, and you very subtly hint at this here.

I thought some of the language you used also helped to characterise him: the room is “full of lustre and mystery”, and I think these words really encapsulated Tom’s attitude to secrets and magic. The Room of Requirement is an opportunity for him to gain knowledge more than anything else, and we can tell that he will make the most of it. There were a couple of things that I did notice - when you say “and then he took to wondering why they hated him so much”, I felt like the jump in his thoughts was a little too sudden. Perhaps you could have led up a bit more smoothly in the thought progression so that he comes to a natural place to lead into the thought? Other than that, I thought a lot of your language use was very effective; especially when you described the contents of the room and said “stacks upon stacks of books and bottles of firewhiskey and old hats that someone had thrown away” littered the floor. The repeated use of “and” emphasised the masses of stuff in the room and conjured a wonderful image for us.

Speaking of the Room of Requirement, I liked how you allowed Tom to discover it innocently rather than him deliberately setting out to do it. It added to the more naïve depiction of him as a young boy, and also set up so much of what we all know is to come. I loved how you mentioned little things like him placing the warlock bust on top of the cabinet! Just little attentions to detail like that always make me admire the author because I can see how much work they put into the fic. The way you changed the narrative style at the very end to project forward into the future (if you want to get really technical, that’s called ‘prolepsis’) was very clever. Even though we all know what Riddle’s going to grow up to become, your emphasis on that here casts a shadow over everything we’ve just read, making it a whole lot more ominous. It makes us wonder whether this is one of the things that started his descent into evil, and involves us in it, making us feel almost reprehensible for ‘being there’ when it happened.

Mad-Eye by Ithinkrabis2people

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Ever wondered what exactly Moody did to the witch who shouted "Boo!" behind him on April Fool's Day? Well, it turns out he made her an Auror...

[Sexual Situations waring is for mild innuendo at one point - just to be on the safe side!]
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 09/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: Mad-Eye

I loved that the concept for this story was taken from a single line from the books. To be able to develop that comment into an entertaining story shows great imagination, and that’s my favourite part of a story. I always look for fics which ‘springboard’ off from the series into original tales, and I’m so glad I read this!

Making Tonks the witch who shouted “Boo” behind Moody on April Fool’s Day was such an inspired idea, and although I was expecting her to jump out on Moody, I liked that she did it to someone else and that it was simply a mistake that Moody heard it. It was so in character for her and set up the clumsiness that you elaborate on throughout the story. This was actually something that really stood out to me as evidence of this being a well-thought out story: introducing Tonks as a clumsy person and going on to describe her tripping “spectacularly over her own foot” subtly leads into the way Richard manages to catch her during their training. It may have been a small part of the story, but I thought it was done very effectively.

Both Tonks and Moody were particularly well-characterised throughout the whole story, and it felt like it could have come straight from canon! I loved the tiny details you inserted, like how “every morning he half-hoped to feel the wood under both feet”. It was a very poignant moment and although you emphasise that Moody detests being pitied, you show here that he is, in his own way, a tragic character. You add to this subtly throughout the rest of the story, for example when you suggest his feelings of uselessness at being “slowly side-lined”. The only thing I wondered at was when Moody noticed the Muggle schoolgirls who had “shirt-sleeves rolled up and ties shoved in pockets in a weak attempt to conceal their school uniforms”. I wasn’t sure that Moody would have been quite so perceptive of Muggle culture; yet at the same time I thought it was a witty observation.

The language you used was very effective because it had an original way of putting things, especially when you described Tonks. You wrote that her “face glowed like a bonfire” and that “she was now looking up at him in a quite disconcerting manner, as though she were cataloguing his face”. They weren’t flowery, overly descriptive passages, but their simplicity reflected the way Moody would have described her, and therefore added to his perception of her.

There was one tiny inconsistency in the narrative, when the point of view slipped briefly to that of Scrimgeour’s. Although this was quite jarring, it didn’t detract from the plot for long. Apart from that, I loved seeing through Moody’s (mad) eyes: I thought the writing style very competent, and it certainly didn’t seem like it was the first piece you’d written for years!

The Dark Son's Lament by Envy_I_May_Be

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A poem about Draco's feelings about becoming a Death Eater; set during HBP.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/06/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Dark Son's Lament

The subject of this poem was interesting because it felt very retrospective, rather than detailing the events of Draco’s time as a Death Eater. This tone worked well with the rhyming form you used, which made the poem sound soft and lyrical: complementing the idea that this is a ‘lament’. I think your repetition of ‘dark’ produced a powerful effect because it reinforced the theme and subtly hinted at Draco’s mind-set “ his paranoia that we see in the books, his fear that he’ll never get out. This is nicely juxtaposed with the final line in which you bring sunlight in and therefore imply hope: giving the poem an uplifting ending.

When you said that the Dark Mark was a way of ‘telling the world who owned him’, I felt that it reflected the idea of selling one’s soul to the devil. The way we see him realise his mistake throughout the poem and begin to hope for release is a great parallel with the old ‘Morality Tales’ like Doctor Faustus, and whether or not this was what you intended, it made me think of Draco’s story from a very different angle.

You captured the recklessness of his actions well, and I liked the voice within the poem: you judged him when you called him the ‘despicable dark son’, but you showed him as a sympathetic, flawed character. This made me want him to be freed, because you emphasised the fact that he was ignorant when he joined, and therefore not deserving of a cursed life.

I think the poem was very skilfully done, and was very evocative with the repetition of language and themes, so well done!

Author's Response: Goodnes, thank you! I love details reviews; they make me so happy :3 I'm very glad that I could please you with this one; I always thought it a better piece of my work. I really appreciate the feedback here. Thank you so much!

One And Only by xxbabewithbrainsxx

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •

You’ll never know

If you never try

To forgive your past

And simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your

Your one and only*

After Tonks’s declaration of love to Remus in the hospital wing, can she win him over, or will his doubts get in the way?

*Lyrics of Adele’s One and Only.

Written for the Ravenclaw Drabble Exchange. My recipient was the lovely Alex/Ithinkrabis2people. I hope you like it :)

Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 09/05/12 Title: Chapter 1: One And Only

Hey Soraya!

As soon as I started reading this fic I suddenly realised that Remus and Tonks aren’t even together for a full year. I don’t know why that’s never dawned on me before, but it hit me instantly, and it made this fic so much more poignant!

It was an intriguing little snapshot into the lives of Remus and Tonks -- especially given the time period it’s set in. It seemed fitting for these two to come together during a time of deep mourning: as you enforced throughout the story, “if he was alive, he would be happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world”. It was as though Dumbledore’s death wasn’t in vain, that his values were honoured.

Dumbledore’s values are something that most of these characters would strive to honour, but especially Remus. Dumbledore has given him so much over the years, and it seems he’s affected the most by his death. You achieved the perfect balance in his character here: showing him grieving and yet trying to work through his confusion of feelings towards Tonks.

In fact, I thought your characterisation of both Remus and Tonks was close-on perfect. Tonks was incredibly passionate, and yet you could see her nervousness about declaring her feelings like this too. When she said, “is that what I am, Remus? A mistake?” you displayed her insecurities which are evident throughout most of HBP. And yet, you had her challenging him again soon afterwards when she yells, “I don't care about what happens in the future -- I care about what happens now.” This perfectly fitted her wild, sporadic character, but at the same time did not detract from the depth of her emotions.

I thought the dialogue here was particularly impressive -- it wasn’t flat or clichéd, but real and vibrant. I had such a strong image in my head of these two characters yelling at each other, and I could hear the words being said with such passion, that I became completely immersed in it. Using dashes to break up their words seemed particularly effective, as it really made it seem like they were totally in the moment and were not at all rehearsed.

The structure was also interesting -- I noticed how you started and ended with a comment on the weather, with a large crescendo in the middle. This made it feel almost lyrical: very fitting with the song lyrics in the summary! I especially liked how you mention the “steady drip-drop of rain” both at the beginning and end, because it makes the story feel cyclical: as though the two of them were always going to get to this point; they just needed one final push to end up there.

Author's Response: Helena! I have no excuse for taking a whole month to respond to this D: I have been so, so busy lately and I kind of forgot about this, so shame on me! This was a wonderful review, and I thank you very much for reviewing me, of all people :D

Oh, yeah, it's so sad that Remus and Tonks aren't together long :( It makes me very sad, too. But hey, there's doomed ships for you, lol. And I definitely agree that it makes sense for them to get together during what is a time of mourning.

I'm really glad you liked Remus's character. He is bloody difficult to get right, so it means a lot to me that you thought he was balanced as a character. And yay to me getting Tonks right too! (At least I hope I did...)

I adore dialogue. It's one of the few things I can confidently say I think I'm good at, though less so in this story and more in some of my more recent works, which depend on dialogue. And I'm often told I overuse dashes, hehe, so yay to you liking it anyway :)

I actually didn't really register the cyclical structure of the story, but now you mention it, as well as other reviewers, I so see that ;) As a matter of fact, I think it was because I was studying Of Mice and Men at the time, and that must have entered my subconscious while writing XD

Thank youuuuu for the lovely review. It means so much to me, Helena. And I hope you've forgiven me for taking a month to reply to you!

Soraya xxx

Your Anatomy by lovelle

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Finally, Ron and Hermione are together. The war has passed and the time to go back to Hogwarts for the last time is near. But before they go back, they share a few final secret moments together as they remember the memories that they had through the years.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 01/22/12 Title: Chapter 1: Ron's Side

Although I do think there's room for improvement on the grammar - some sentences didn't flow properly when I read them - I did really like the concept of this fic. I especially liked the way you mentioned Ron and Hermione being prepared for the Second Task. It's something that's never been addressed in the series, and I thought that was a really interesting detail to bring up. I also thought Ron's characterisation was good: he was still quite awkard around her, which I thought was realistic. Well done!

Harry Potter and the Women in Black by L A Moody

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: To commemorate the release of the Daniel Radcliffe vehicle, The Woman in Black, herewith is my version. Stitched together from the disjointed glimpses offered in the original trailer, this alternate treatment seeks to provide closure of a different sort to Harry’s adventures. As such it is a parody, not a cross-over.
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 05/19/12 Title: Chapter 1: Harry Potter and the Women in Black

That was so refreshing to read! See, this is why I like Humour fics the best, I find such original concepts! If only this had really happened ;) I've always thought it's funny to think how much would have changed if something was done slightly differently all those years ago... Have you seen the YouTube video "How Harry Potter Should Have Ended"? That plays with a similar idea. But anyway, I really enjoyed this, well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know how much you enjoyed this one. Thanks for the You Tube link as I wasn’t familiar with that at all. Have to admit I always wondered why Snape never employed his talent to “put a stopper in death” as he boasted to the very first Potions class we attend in PS/SS.

Desire And a Half by hestiajones

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story
The room is vast and furnished only by the massive, thickly red bed, the billowing white curtains and a tall mirror. Dusk flows in through the windows and paints the white walls in pink and orange. The only sound that can be heard is the strong breeze disturbing the trees outside.

The stage is set just as I like it.

This is hestiajones' final entry for the Inaugural GH Cotillion Challenge, but you never know. She might pop up again. However, she assures you that she is not J.K.Rowling.

My heartfelt thanks to my fellow elf, the opaleye/Julia/Wise One of the Pear and Unicorn Wand, whose crit helped me turn this fic into something more worthwhile :)
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 10/27/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow. I can see why this won the ‘So Wrong It’s Right’ award at the Cotillion challenge! This certainly wasn’t a pairing I would have expected, but it was so convincing that I forgot any reservations I may have had and was drawn straight into the heart of the story. The judges described the writing as ‘darkly beautiful’, and I have to agree. It was sensual and vivid throughout, and conjured such luscious images of clothes and characters and settings, like your description of the bedroom with the ‘billowing white curtains’. It was visual, but not overly so - there wasn’t too much description, and this allowed it to stay focused on the characters.

I thought a lot of the language was very original - especially when you described the ‘physical assault’ Fleur’s appearance produced on Sesen Zabini. When you went on to say that ‘my heart literally stopped’, I did feel that it could have been phrased a little differently, but then again it did illustrate the physical attraction well. I adored that paragraph in which Sesen waits for Fleur. When you wrote, ‘I wait because it provokes a squirming sensation in the pit of my stomach’, you made the mere notion of waiting so sensual, and it was such a fantastic piece of writing.

That paragraph in particular also added a great deal to the character of Sesen. It was interesting, because obviously we know next to nothing about her in the books, so I had few preconceptions of her as a character when I came to read this. Yet, you so quickly sketch out a sense of what she’s like that by the time I read that she hadn’t ‘waited for anyone in years’, I could tell that this was perfectly in character. This was sustained throughout the story and not for a moment did she act unconvincingly. I thought the line about her smiling at her son only when he was looking away was particularly poignant: it exemplifies her distance from fellow humans, and therefore highlights by contrast the abnormality of this tryst with Fleur.

Fleur also seemed very in-character. She was mysterious and I loved the amount of power she had over Sesen. The most interesting thing about her was her dominance - Sesen mentions that she expects Fleur to be shy and passive, but I loved that she knew what she was getting into and accepted it. The fact that she actually appeared to understand Sesen more deeply than anyone else was really quite poignant.

Having all the speech set in italics with no quotation marks created an almost dreamlike atmosphere, emphasising the fact that this is now confined to Sesen’s memory. It’s evasive and intangible and can never be got back, and that was incredibly effective. There were a couple of points when I was unsure about who was speaking which brought me out of the narrative for a moment - perhaps by adding some paragraph breaks this might be made clearer.

The way you delayed the explicit revelation of which pairing this is was very clever: it set up a lot of questions which made me keep reading to find out who I was actually hearing from. The use of dramatic irony when Sesen sees Fleur and doesn’t know who she is, despite the fact that readers do, was very effective. It subtly included us in the story and enabled us to engage more readily in the events unfolding. We may have expected to see Fleur behave in a different way, but I’d bet that you managed to surprise us all by her willingness to go along with this strange, mysterious character.

Author's Response: What a review! :) It catches so many of the little things I used in the fic in order to convey all that I wanted to be covered within such a short space: the setting, the language, the use of italics for writing dialogues, etc. Mrs Zabini is more or less a skeleton character, and I am glad to know you found this version believable. Thank you so much for picking my story and leaving such a detailed and encouraging response!


The Caustic Ticking of the Clock by xxbabewithbrainsxx

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •

Until near twelve the strange girl all at once

Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk

She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.*

The students at Hogwarts have left for their Christmas holidays, but in the castle, a celebration of a betrothal is taking place. However, one woman watches the couple, waiting for midnight.

*Taken from the poem Cinderella by Sylvia Plath.

This is babewithbrains of Ravenclaw writing for the Great Hall Cotillion challenge.

ZOMG. This story has been nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Same-Sex Pairing. Thank you!
Reviewer: goldensnidget92 Signed
Date: 03/04/12 Title: Chapter 1: The Caustic Ticking of the Clock

Just thought I'd review yours, as you gave me a lovely review :)

I want to say that the narrative voice was PERFECT for this particular story. I don't think I've ever read a successful second person narrative (at least, not one I can remember), so yours has changed that! I just got the sense that it was very dream-like: you know how in dreams you often embody other people? Well here, embodying Helga makes the story feel like it's a dream.

I think that goes very well with the content, because it's all about stolen moments, and "midnight", and perhaps even wondering whether what happens between the two of them is real or not. And that was a very clever thing to do!

Can I also say that I love the Sylvia Plath quote in the summary - I absolutely love her poems, so I appreciated the reference!!

Author's Response: Hello, Helena! Oh, I'm so glad you reviewed this. At first, I wasn't sure it worked, but my beta (Alex) said it was one of her favourites of hers, so I felt a bit better after that. I'm really happy you thought the second person narrative worked. I was really, really apprehensive about that too, though I've read quite a few second person stories that have been very successful -- if you're interested, may I point you in the direction of Memoirs of a Death Eater's Daughter if you want to read an excellent story written in the second person? (And, for that matter, anything else by Alex/welshdevondragon :D) I agree it was rather dreamlike, but I didn't think of it like that to begin with. Looking back on it, I see what you mean. Haha, what happened *was* real; only it never happened again after their last time together, so that is kind of why there's a dreaminess to it, you know? I love Sylvia Plath as well! Aaahh, we should really talk more, lol. Cinderella is definitely my favourite of hers, along with Mad Girl's Love Song (I think it's called that...). Anyway, I'm really pleased you liked this. This story (along with my Katie/Leanne story, Flicker and Fail) has been rather underloved in terms of reviews (although I did get a lovely one for my Katie/Leanne anyway), so it's nice to see it getting another. Thank you, and I'll see you around on the boards! ~Soraya~