Hello, there! I happened to stumble across my author page when I suddenly realized... I haven't updated it in two and a half years. So. Uhm. Here we are.
My name is Rachel, and if you're looking at my bio, I'm guessing it's for one of the following reasons. If that's the case, allow me to assist you:
Mod: Though I spent a year and a half working for the site, I am no longer a mod. If you're concerned as to why your Harry/Hermione fic hasn't made it out of the queue, I'm no longer the person to ask.
SBBC: This is a group on the forums which is devoted to discussing fanfiction, also known as the owner of a significant portion of my heart and soul. I was a member of the SBBC for three years and the leader for two, and I will say that in all my time in fandom, I have loved nothing as much as the SBBC. Unfortunately due to time constraints I had to step away, so if you're interested in joining, I am no longer the person to contact. But please, head over to the forums and check out the SBBC and talk to the lovely people who are currently in charge. It's wonderful. :)
SPEW: I am no longer a member of SPEW on the forums. If you still wish to review for me, which I would endlessly appreciate, I would love any concrit on Last Chance to Lose Control, Talk Tonight, Admiration, Candles Burn, The Best Things Are Left Unwritten, Endlessly, She Said, or Christmas Snow. Please don't bother with anything older than that; my most ancient fics are frankly poorly-written beyond repair. I keep them up solely to placate those who've enjoyed them.
Beta: I do infact beta - my name at the PI site is lily_evans34. I am not currently looking to beta anything new, but I'll keep you posted if that changes.
Drabbles: I've taken up drabbling again recently, and you can find my drabbles in The Three Broomsticks forum. I would love any feedback you have to give regarding those.
I'm a college student, though I was in middle school when I joined this website. Can you believe that?! Though I suppose now is not the appropriate time for nostalgia...
Ahem. Like I said, I'm a college student majoring in Linguistics, slowly working my way to fluency in Italian and French. In my free time I read, play tennis, update my MNFF author page that I'm guessing no one will ever read, and my pie chart of obsessions can be evenly distributed between Harry Potter, Les Miserables, and Doctor Who. There isn't much else to know.
I'm not currently active on MNFF, but who knows, maybe one day I shall return. I love this place. :)
My Fics - oldest to most recent.
This Little Thing Called Love
DELETED FROM MNFF.
Thanks for all the support for this fic, and I'm sorry to those who enjoyed it.
Let The Rain Fall
Harry/Ginny one shot. I've gotten some lovely reviews, but this isn't my favourite. This shows a perfect example of my earlier writing style... I've much improved since then. 'Much' being the key word.
General one-shot about Cedric during the night of the Third Task. Again, shows my earlier writing style off pretty well. Read only if you must.
A Hedwig One Shot written for the Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. Not my favourite.
I Never Knew You
Andromeda visits her sisters grave and writes a letter, explaining everything she had ever wanted to say. This is one of my favourites by me. My writing has matured, but I like the concept I had going.
Written for the Monthly Challenge: Great Love by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw. James/OC. Not author recommended. Please don't SPEW review this one. Or read it. It's awful. Really.
A Life Worth Living
Angelina is having regrets about her upcoming wedding. Fred/Angelina.
Ever wonder what made James change for Lily? Fluffy James/OC one shot.
All Hermione can hear is the darkness. This is probably my most experimental, and I'd love some feedback here!
Endlessly She Said
Written for the SPEW 007 - prompt: "chase". Based on the beautiful song by AFI.
FEATURED: 4/22 - 4/30
The Best Things Are Left Unwritten
This is what happens when Lily Evans stays up writing late into the night. Short and sweet Sirius/Lily one shot toward which I have a certain fondness.
For my Sarah
Ron and Hermione, the day after the last battle. I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer here.
For my Suya
Sometimes you'll find comfort in the least likely of places. A bar-confession story of sorts, about despair, redemption, and hope.
Last Chance to Lose Control
Hermione has lost faith in everything, in everyone - except Draco. My first D/Hr in years.
For Suya - Happy Birthday!
The Sun is Gone Before It Shines
This story can be found under the penname 'Katchel'. It's a joint Ron/Hermione fic written by myself and ms weasley for our 'triplet', Kiara.
Please read and drop a review!
Ah, I loved that! I was sure that my attention span would give in half way through, but it was very entertaining! I loved how Crookshanks felt protective of Hermione, and hated Ron. That basically sums up his character. I also loved how you made him want to scratch the people he doesn't like and what-not. Owning 2 cats myself, it was very realistic. Two little nitpicky grammar things:
“Crookshanks!” She whispered, startled.
You shouldn't capitalize the "she".
She is you GIRL
Do you mean "your" girl? That would make more sense.
Other than that, it was great! I loved it!
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
I left a two-liner review for this some time ago, back when I couldn’t review, that I really don’t see fit for this marvelous story, so I have decided to give you a better review. /excessive use of the word ‘review’
Anyway, I simply adored this story. You actually managed to convert me to Harry/Hermione, which is quite the feat, judging by the fact that I’ve always hated this ship.
The thing that I like the best about this story is the emotion. You don’t use much dialogue (which is something that I usually don’t like) but I think that it’s very effective in this story. You capture Hermione’s feelings, and how much she missed Harry, perfectly. When I was reading, I could really feel for her; her happiness at her wedding, her sorrow after her loss, and her excitement during her dream when she thought Harry was back.
Neither of the happy couple noticed when several other people came out to join them under the moonlight. The entire world was forgotten as they kissed and danced. Hermione sighed happily when they pulled away; nothing could ruin this perfect moment. Harry was her husband; they would be together forever. No more pretending, or avoiding the obvious.
I adored this paragraph. I could almost sense the ease of the blissful moment as I read it. My favorite line is: The entire world was forgotten as they kissed and danced. I think that’s a perfect way to describe two people who are in love; forgetting the world and sharing their moment together. I think it’s amazing how well you can put feelings like this; that come solely from emotion, to words.
During their seventh year, Hermione and her close friends said 'I love you' to each other almost everyday. It became a natural thing for them to say to each other…that is until one day Harry sat her down, looked at her seriously and said, 'Hermione, I am in love with you,' and instantly she knew that he no longer meant as a friend.
Here, I think it’s odd that they say ‘I love you’ to each other everyday. This sounds like something that girl-friends would do, but I don’t think that it’s something that guys and girls do to each other, because of the meaning of ‘I love you’.
Also, I don’t think that ‘in’ is the best word to italicize. It sounds awkward when you say it out loud, stressing the ‘in’. I think that italicizing the ‘love’ or the whole ‘in love with you’ would make it more effective.
"Hey," Ron said quietly as he saw her eyes open. "How are you doing?" he asked cautiously. He knew this was her first anniversary without Harry.
I think that saying ‘He knew this was her first anniversary without Harry’ is a bit redundant, because you’ve already made a note of saying that that. Maybe you should say something like ‘He knew what this day meant to Hermione’ or ‘He knew the impact that this day would have on her’ or something like that. You’ve already established the fact that it was her first anniversary without Harry, so I think that saying it again from Ron’s POV is repetitive. But maybe you could say something along those lines of my (rather lame) suggestions.
Hermione's gaze remained glued to Harry, and she could have sworn he stared right into her own eyes and mouthed 'I love you.'
Wow. I just… adore this line. It’s quite simple, but so full of heartbreaking emotion. It leaves the story on an eerie/sad note that fits the piece beautifully. It nearly brought me to tears.
I just can’t get over how much I love this story. In most Harry/Hermione fics that I’ve read, the characters are extremely OOC, and the author forgets about Ron. You avoided both of these things very well. Your emotion and description are simply amazing, and your dialogue, when used, helps the characters’ characterizations wonderfully. So overall… this piece is just brilliant.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your very detailed review! It\'s always so interesting to see, in quotes, which passaged readers enjoyed or even those that didn\'t come off correctly. Believe it or not, this was the very first fanfiction that I ever wrote, and I have never re-edited it since then. I think it is neat to come back to this little one shot and re-read it, just to see how much I\'ve improved as a writer where style is concerned. It\'s quite amazing what a few years of writing and reading other fanfics can do for a writer\'s style. Anyway, I\'m glad that you liked my story, thanks again for your wonderful review :)
Wow, that was amazing. It was so beautifully written, and I was crying when I reached the end. You are such a talented writer. Amazing job!
Must... kill... Snape...
Sorry, I just love cats! Anyway, wonderful read!
Okay, So I've already reviewed, but I need to go into more detail (don't ask.) I thought that was great! I really dislike Hermione/Snape, so I loved how you wrote it in a humurous way. I also really like the way you had the backstory about why Snape didn't like cats. That made it funny, yet believable at the same time. It was very, very enjoyable to read. Great job!!
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
Wow, I loved that. This story was so sweet, and completely believable, AU as it may be.
There are a few things that I thought I'd mention, though your overall grammar, characterization and everything were wonderful compared to some fanfics I've read:
[i]He didn’t know why he was being so silent. He was the only one in the dorm.[/i]
I would combine these sentences, as it just seems to unnessisarily slow down the fic when they are separate. I'd just say something like; "He didn’t know why he was being so silent, as he appeared to be the only one in the dorm."
[i]Ron walked down to the common-room, the broom behind his back [no comma] to shield [sounds better than 'keep'] it from view.[/i]
[i]Harry had just left for detention with Umbridge, and the only person in the common-room who would have taken notice of him, Hermione, was absorbed in her homework.[/i]
This sentence seems a bit long. I would put Hermione in front of "the only person..." because it seems a bit confusing, but then again, I doubt that change matters much.
[i]And so it was that Ron reached the Quidditch pitch; he landed just by the entrance and turned round—no, no one had noticed him.[/i]
I would separate this into two sentences and say, "And so it was that Ron reached the Quidditch pitch; he landed just by the entrance and turned around. No, no one had noticed him."
[i]He didn’t see anyone at first, but then spotted a figure, spread out atop the Gryffindor table, staring heavenward. It was a very familiar figure spread out atop the Gryffindor table.[/i]
That's a bit repetitive. I would say something like, "He didn’t see anyone at first, but then spotted a figure, spread out atop the Gryffindor table, staring heavenward. The figure appeared to be familliar, though Ron couldn't make it out from a distance."
[i]“Watching the stars, of course,” said Luna, nodding towards where she was looking.[/i]
I would change the "where" to something like "the area where" or "nodding upward", because they just appear to make an overall better impression than "where."
[i]And they were silent for a long time.[/i]
Sentences shouldn't be started with "and", so I would say something like "They sat in silence for a long time." Just for the sake of grammar.
[i]“You know, they’ve never told us that the stars were alive in Astronomy,” he said after a while..[/i]
One period. I'm not sure whether that was a type-o, or if you meant to do an elipses (sp?) but I don't think those are very appropriate here.
[i]“You do you know I’ve been flying a lot lately?”[/i]
I think you meant "how" where that first "you" is.
[i]“Yeah,” said Ron. But before he could go, he had to ask one more question.
“Why are you on the Gryffindor table?”[/i]
I believe that you should combine this into one paragraph.
Okay, that's it with my nit-pickyness. I may come off as a bit critical, but those are a few things that caught my eye in this lovely story. Really, I thought that this was wonderful. I love how Luna seemed to know about Ron more than he did. It seemed so... real, in a way. My friend (Oliver_Wood; I believe she left a review, no?) read this, and she can't get it out of her head that this actually happened in the books. This was just such a sweet story. Should I be able to rate this, you get a 10 all the way!
Eek, I used the wrong html codes, sorry! I'm sure that makes my rambling even more confusing...
Aw, how cute. I really like how you ended this. My favorite part was how Ron was speaking in such a fatherly way to his son, telling him to take care of his sisters. I like how Ron felt like he belonged with his family towards the end—we can really see how he’s changed from the beginning, when he was a bit insecure about Hannah. You developed his character very well—kudos for that!
I also liked how you wrote Hermione throughout this. At first, you showed her inner debate between “what is right”—keeping Hannah from Ron so he wouldn’t ruin his career—and “what is easy”—telling Ron about her and having him come home and help her raise his daughter. I adored how you developed her throughout this fic—at first she was too proud to admit that she needed Ron’s help, but towards the end, she was really able to admit to herself how much she needed him. That just goes to show how much she DID need him; if a character as proud as her was able to admit that, she must have felt strongly for him, which was made evident throughout this fic.
Okay, this is way after the fact, but I just had to bring this one line up. In one of your very first chapters, you had Ginny say "I thought you were over Ron." to Hermione. Now, I really did not like this. For one thing, I think that Ginny would be mature enough to realise that it wasn’t about what Hermione wanted at that point—it was about what Hannah needed. I think that this sounded immature on her part, and I also think it was immature for Hermione to respond how she had about not wanting Hannah to have a step-mom. I don’t think that Hermione in that instance would have had to have justified why she didn’t want Ron bringing another woman home. This was the only place where I found the characters OOC—other than this, your characterization was right on the ball.
I’m only sorry that it’s over. I like how you didn’t drag it out, though. You managed to include a lot of events in a short amount of chapters very well—it didn’t feel like it was rushed at all. One thing that I think you could have expanded on was Ron’s fight with Miranda. It came on so suddenly, so I think you could have devoted another chapter or so to it, but that’s just a small nitpick. I think it was fine the way it was.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. I was going to review all the chapters, but my homework ate me, so sorry for jumping from first to last! I did follow the entire thing, though, and I thought it was a marvelous story. Congratulations on winning the QSQ canon romance award—after reading this, I can see why you did! ♥
What an intriguing plotline you’ve set up for us! I have to say that I’ve got a feeling that I’ll really enjoy this story as I watch it progress.
Now, first of all, I have to say that I adore your characterizations. I know it’s only the first chapter, so I shouldn’t make any generalizations, but from what I’ve seen so far, I love the way you characterize Ron and Hermione. First off, Ron. This is set a few years after they’ve graduated, I see, and that really shows. I can see that Ron’s matured quite a lot; he’s acting civil to his family and friends, and hiding his sadness about leaving because he doesn’t want to make a fuss over himself. Now, normally, I would think that this is a bit OOC, simply because Ron’s always been one to be quite blunt with his emotions and relations. But then you’ve got the lines like these—Butterbeer cream poured out onto the plate, which Ron used as a sort of cake-dip with his forkful of food.—that are so reminiscent of how Ron was characterized at Hogwarts. Very nice job, there.
Next, I enjoyed the way you portrayed Hermione. I know we didn’t see much of her in this chapter, but so far, I like what I’m seeing. First off, the way she was sitting alone in Ron’s bedroom. In the books, when she was upset she would try to be alone, and not come out and show it very obviously. It also shows a sense of maturity, in that she knows she’s sad, but doesn’t want to ruin the party. That’s what I love so much about your characterizations—that you’ve shown growth in the characters, but also kept the bases of their canon selves.
This is my only nitpick, because it confused me a tad. Why was Ron putting on a show? In this paragraph, you proceed to say who Ron’s putting on a show for, and why he was upset, but you never really answered the initial question of why he was putting on a show. I know it’s for Hermione, but why is he trying so hard to hide his emotions? Does he want Hermione to think that he’s mature? Does he want nobody to notice him upset? I think you could have explained that a little better.
I adore the ending that you had. I have quite the hunch as to what will happen, but the way you wrote it was very intriguing. I love how you ended it on an impersonal note—not from anyone’s POV. I think this way it’s more accurate, because it’s showing what an impact it will have on everyone whose POV’s we’ve seen so far.
I really enjoyed this, and I’m eager to see how this progresses! *rushes off to read the next chapter*
Wow, I usually don't read humor, bu ti thought that was REALLY funny. 10!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm delighted that you enjoyed it so much and that you've started reading humour! There are some really great ones out there. Thanks for the 10, I cherish them!
I loved that! I adore anything sad, so I thought that was amazing. I wascrying all through it. I love how you portrayed Ginny's feelings. I think that you captured her character perfectly. I love how she had to see for herself what was going to happen, because that really seems like something that Ginny would do. You wrote emotions and descriptions very well. I've read a few of your other stories, and I think that they are all wonderful. You are great at writing sad stories. Keep up the good work!
~ lily_evans34 aka mrs_tom_riddle
Wow, I had completly forgotten about this story until I got the notification email, and honestly, I thought it was a glitch in the system, as I get false notification emails all the time. I can't believe you've updated!
Great chapter!!! I really liked how Jillian just realized that she could change in the end. UPDATE!!!!! (Please...)
Wow, this was amazing. I was sobbing when I read the letter. This was one of the best fanfictions I have ever read. Keep up the great work!
That was hilarious! I was laughing so hard! I love how you captured about a million cliches in this, and how everyone was freaking out about there baing a ball. Also, the Slytherin/Gryffindor unity thing was really funny. And how everyone thought to go to the room of requierment. Very excellent. I lovede this!
Wow, I loved that! Like nutty said, you managed to keep an even, enjoyable pace throughout the whole story. I loved the way you did the descriptions. They were beautiful! You created some of the best imagery that I have ever read in a fanfic. This really was a very pleasurable read. I thought that the whole consept that you thought up was fascinating. I really liked your characters as well. They were well thought out, and it wasn't like you threw them in there for the sake of having them. I really, really, liked this. Great job, and please, keep writing!
Steph! This is amazing! I can't believe I haven't read this before now! The plot's soooo cool, I can't wait to read more! *goes to read next chapter*
Author's Response: Rach! Thanks for stopping by! I love when I get Turnips reviewing, it makes me fele so connected! You might notice that I chnaged the plot after chapter 3, when I decided to kill someone :) Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, this was great! I love how you did the rythem. The rhymes were great, too; I'm horrible at making things rhyme! I think that you did a great job of capturing Harry's emotions, and what he was feeling at the time. That just about sums up his feelings perfectly. Good job, Ana!
Wow, I must say that you’ve written quite the impressive fic here. Your characterization was certainly the strong point of this story. Anyone can point out the differences between Harry and Voldemort, but the way you used their similarities to strengthen their characterization was absolutely astounding. The parallels between the two were extremely well done. For example, your paragraph toward the beginning about Voldemort’s childhood was great – it could have pertained equally well to Harry. That’s the great thing about this story – how you were able to keep the ambiguous perspective without giving away whether it was written about one character or the other, until the end.
And wow, that ending! I really was not expecting that. It’s been much too long since I read an ending that blew me away like that one, and caused me to go back and reread this fic. Even after that, I had to reread it a few more times to fully appreciate the effect of your theme.
One thing that stood out to me is when you were talking about Voldemort finding out he was a parselmouth. Obviously the reader at first thought this was Harry’s perspective, but when I went back to reread it the second time, it just struck me as too big of a coincidence that Voldemort would have discovered that he was a parselmouth the same way as Harry. A lot of these parallels were great, but a few struck me as not really applicable to Harry or Voldemort.
Also, I did notice quite a few grammar mistakes in this story. I’d recommend finding a beta to look this over, but other than that, this is a truly wonderful story. It got me thinking quite a lot about the similarities between Harry and Voldemort, and it made me wonder where they each got their views on good/evil with such similar upbringings. Very few stories get me to think this much anymore. Really – well done!
That’s all I can come up with after reading a fic like this. There are simply no words that can express how much I enjoyed this. However, Lian does not prefer gushing reviews, and so Rachel shall leave teh gushing to a minimum. ;) Or at least…try.
First off, your plot. Wow. I hardly read any fics about Hermione’s family, so I really enjoyed this take on her relationship with her grandmother. Your constant refrain of “fifteen minutes” really showed how much of an impact something so small, yet so meaningful meant to Hermione. Just that title - Fifteen Minutes. Reading it, I didn’t know what to expect. Like you said in your fic, it can feel like both an eternity, and a second. So much can happen to anyone in that short amount of time that might look like nothing, but can really affect them. This fic is a perfect example of something like that—small and meaningful.
We were actually discussing types of intimacy in English class, so after that discussion, I can better understand how two people can share a moment like this, and really have it affect them. The way you wrote this was just so…guh. *tries not to gush* It’s so hard to write a moment like this between two people—it’s really something that no words can describe. However, your descriptions gave me such a clear image that it made it so easy to feel for Hermione, and really get into her character, which you did a simply beautiful job of. The emotion that you put behind every word was so powerful, that even though nothing like this has ever happened to me, I can really understand Hermione.
One passage that I enjoyed was: It was the shortest fifteen minutes of my life. It was also the longest. It was the most hopeless and the most hopeful; the saddest and the most precious. We spoke much and said little. This pretty much sums up everything that I’ve been droning on about. These sentences in themselves are saying that the moment that they shared was something that really moved Hermione, but couldn’t be put into words.
I try to find something to point out in every review, and I must say that it’s quite the challenge in this fic! The only really minor nitpick I have is the first sentence. It wasn't working this year. The tenses here confuse me a tad, as “wasn’t” is past tense, and “this year” is present. It’s not that big of a thing, but I think it may be slightly less confusing if the “this” was changed to “that”. But…I can see why you may want to keep it as is, so feel free to ignore this comment.
This line: I'm sorry, Gran. I'm so sorry. I thought I'd have another chance-- another chance to say goodbye was so sad and so moving. I can see where something as simple as not saying goodbye when she had the chance could weigh guiltily on Hermione, as, from the emotions that you’ve written, we as readers can really understand how much something that small had meant to her.
Gah, I feel all repetitive. Aw well. I really enjoyed reading this, Lian, and am now even more honored than before reading this to be your SPEW buddy! I must now end on this note:
Author's Response: *squishes Rachel* It\'s hard to write a moment between two people? I think that varies by writer; I find it much, much, much harder to write busy action than to write simpler interaction, like a moment between two people. Anyway, I\'m glad you liked this, and thank you for reviewing it –– it hadn\'t been SPEWed on much for quite a while!
That was really good!! i love how you described the emotions in the story. I really liked this first chapter. 10!!